Hi there, I've just found this site and thought I'd reach out and say hello. I've struggled on an off with depression since the end of high school (I'm 35 now) and am really tired of it. On the outside, I've got a great job, can support myself financially, and an okay family and a few good friends...though I do tend to isolate myself (which I know is exactly what I shouldn't do since I crave companionship). I tried medication for a while ...effexor...but weaned myself off of it after a few years in an attempt to see if I could do without...jury's still out on that one. I guess I'm reaching out today because I'm feeling extremely sad/down/depressed and didn't want to burden any of my friends with my "feel sorry for myself"ness. So, this anonymous posting seemed like a good idea. I don't know what I'm looking for here, I guess just to write and be 'heard' by other folks who know what depression is like. I'm upset with myself because I don't have enough energy to "do" anything about things....I know logically that what I "should" be doing is exercising, getting out and experiencing life..yada yada...but I just can't seem to get motivated....and that really bothers me. i don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I'm lonely and alone and I know I don't have to be. I guess I need some sort of hobby or activity - but I can't think of what to do...and..then on occasion when I do...I'm too chicken to go out and "do" it. Maybe what I'm looking for are some suggestions....any ideas of what you've done to get yourself out of a "funk"?????? Any advice that you've been given that's actually worked for you?? I was recently in the hospital for diverticulitis...(small ruptures in my intestine). It was very painful but after some antibiotics and liquids, it's seemed to ease itself....but I have to be honest and admit that my thoughts have been going towards the "I wish it'd just rupture entirely and cause intense pain that they have to operate and then I could just stay in the hospital for months and not have to worry about life".....then I get sad that I'm thinking that way. That's not exactly normal thinking... Anyways - thanks for letting me "write"....If anyone has comments - great...if not, that's okay. D.