Readers of this post are entitled to a.....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by zenouchy, May 6, 2009.

  1. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Get out of sick jail free card!

    Yes, you heard it here. You are being exposed to Erika's random humor. Beware, it could be contagious. Signs of exposure are humor, laughter, silliness, and who knows what else. You can report any other random symptoms to 1-800-ZEN-JOKE

    Right now there is no cure, and it could reach pandemic levels. We are not sure if we want to monitor it at this time. If you have to share a joke or something funny, we cannot stop you. Good luck my friends!
  2. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

    What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
    'Hold my purse.'

    If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
    -- W.C. Fields

    I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
    -- George W. Bush

    You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
    -- John Mendoza

    Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.
    -- Harry Carpenter (BBC TV, University Boat Race 1977)

    This was fun...certainly I have been infected by Erika's randon humor:)
  3. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    What great sayings---thanks! I needed some laughs today. They're all funny, but the John Mendoza saying is my favorite. Thanks again for sharing your good humor!

  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    A splendid idea. Now, is this humor random or radon? I know one of them is

    Here is some humor I found on the net. These cases pertain to criminal attempts
    that somehow went astray.

    Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

    Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where else can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto."

    Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a forged check. He got 10 years.

    You may note the chronicler of these sad tales has left a few gaps in the narratives.

    For example, with regard to the pickup and the ATM, there is no mention of exactly
    how many beers were involved in this escapade.

    With regard to the woman who only wanted to improve her appearance, just exactly
    how does one "realize" a camel is named Otto?

    And with regard to a forged check, does this mean the man was prosecuted under one
    name and signed a different name on the check? He Otto know better.

    And so we see that, once again, pathos and stupidity are inextricably entwined.


  5. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Funny stories my friend! Maybe my humor is radioactive too.

    The camel story is particularly good. I'm wondering how the lady transported the camel to her house, feeds it, and cares for it. Maybe there was a sign at the zoo that indicated the camel's name? Someone Otto know!

    Have a great day,


  6. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

  7. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I love this post!! I will think of something to post as soon as I solve the trivia quiz from Hell. Keep this going!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/10/2009]
  8. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Glad I bumped it up and that you saw it! :)
  9. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license. "Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired. "No," I replied.

    "Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."
  10. spacee

    spacee Member

    We need this thread! When I think of one, I will post! Please don't hold
    memory is bad.

  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I was gonna post here, and then I saw I already did. Which left me somewhat
    confusiated until I fingered out it was last year.

    Here's something I found serendiptously the other day.

    "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." My father used to say that until
    he had the accident.

    And now, to add to the fun, who said that?

    A. Alfred Whitehead North
    B. Brainy Smurf
    C. Comic from England whose name I forget

    Write in votes are allowed. Winner gets a free pass card. Allows you to pass
    out wherever and whenever you need to.