Really Discouraged

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AuntTammie, Dec 19, 2008.

  1. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    This has been an especially hard symptoms every day, and the cold weather is killing me. In the past the cold has made the pain worse, and the lack of sunlight has made the depression worse, but at least the cold has actually given me more energy...not this yr. This yr it just zaps what little energy I manage to find. And today, I had to unbury my car from the icy the time I was done, I was really too tired to actually go anywhere.

    Last yr, I felt awful, but one of the few things I was able to do was uncover my car....and I would also go brush the snow off of other people's cars as a surprise, w/o letting them know it was me...I felt like in some small way I was helping. Now, I am so helpless in so many ways...I just keep getting worse.

    I also had found a Dr (after trying many others) who actually knew something about this dd. Now, he is closing up his practice due to financial issues. I am on disability, so Medicare, so very limited as to whom I can see, and there are no other options near me. I cannot go to someone far away, bc I cannot physically handle it, and bc my sleep/wake cycle is so messed up, I am not awake early enough to go anywhere far.

    I am going to be going to Florida for a week in January to visit family, and they are really looking forward to it. I am, but I'm also really worried about it for a ton of reasons. It's all paid for by family and church family, so there isn't any worry about that, but I do feel bad that I never have money for anything anymore, and am a drain on everyone...and they are running out of the ability to help, too, so when that happens I have no idea what I am going to do...and I never have energy, so I barely see anyone....I am amazed that I even have any friends left, bc i am not able to be much of a friend at all anymore. It looks like I am going to be alone for Christmas, though, which is really depressing....was alone for Thanksgiving and it sucked...will probably be alone for New Year's too....actually the main reasons that I have not ended my life are that I am a Christian and also my niece is looking forward to seeing me in Florida....after that, something has to get better,though, or I really don't know how I am going to keep going on like this.

    Sorry, I know this is a depressing post and I have not been on these boards for haven't really earned the rt to dump on everyone, but am really feeling hopeless rt now...even my counselor hasn't been seeming to understand lately....she just wants to push drugs on me (& they make me worse)...and she hasn't been available late enough lately, either (meaning early evenings), so I am feeling a lack of connection....I think this is rambling...sorry, I am pretty foggy rt now, too.
  2. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine being alone for the Holidays, and how that must feel. I have family near, but sometimes I do feel alone, too; that's when I log onto this message board, and feel somewhat connected to others who understand what I'm going through.

    You are never alone! Our Saviour lives in your heart; He says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." Lean on Him with your full weight; He will carry you through! He will ease the loneliness like no one else can. He understands; think of the loneliness He endured while here on this earth... He came from Heaven, surrounded by angels and creatures who adored Him, to this earth to be surrounded by darkness and people who didn't understand that He was here to give them life! They were seeking to take His life!

    Not only to you have the Lord's company, you have the countless host of angels, who will come at the first hint of a prayer for help! The angels love you much because Jesus loves you much; they will do anything and everything they can, obeying their Commander, Who ever lives to make intercession for you! You are loved, cherished, and adored! Read His love letter to you, and you will find encouragement and hope, love and abundant help!

    I just want to wrap my arms around you, and say, "Cheer up! You have all of Heaven on your side!" If you have no other options, spend some time on this board on Christmas; I bet there are others who will be looking for company and support on that day!

    BTW, I went to Florida in January, '07, and the warmth and sun soaked in to my bones, it felt like, and I had much relief! I pray you find relief of both physical and emotional suffering, and complete healing in Jesus! Merry Christmas! Debbie
  3. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I replied to this once before and it didn't show up, so I'm trying again....Thank you for your response....I'm too tired to write much, but I really appreciate all that you wrote. Merry Christmas to you, too!
  4. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    hi tammie. i am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. believe me..i know how you feel.

    may i ask how long you have been ill, how you got sick, and if you have CFS or FM?

    thank you
  5. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I have CFS and FM, a circadian rhythm disorder, MCS, endometriosis, asthma, and a few other things. The CFS and FM started 4 1/2 yrs ago after a bad car accident, and they have gradually become worse.

    It's nice to know that others here understand, but I feel bad that you are going through similar stuff....I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

  6. 2sic2mooov

    2sic2mooov New Member

    You sound like you have lots of people who love and care about you. It may take a lot of strength to get to Florida, but you just must try to get there. I am in th ecold too, andthe snow and cold and grey days just kill me...maybe going to somewhere that might actually have some sun will help you. And seeing family, even though it can be tiring, you just have to be honest with them and rest when you need to. Dont wear yourself out. think of it as the gift it was....just for you. Because you are loved!

    And I notice you are a Christian! Even in all the darkness of winter, a miracle happens....
    You are blessed always. I know it is so hard to see. I am in the darkest that I have been in 6 years. The only thing keeping me going is knowing I have come out of the worst times and have had some really good moments. I guess that is what faith and hope is?
    Hugs for you to keep warm,
  7. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    This is the second time I have tried to reply to you, so hopefully it will work this time...for some reason my posts fail to show up fairly often. Anyway, I am totally crashing today so I don't have the energy to respond in writing to all that you both wrote, but I did read it all and I really appreciate your thoughts and advice....will have to look further into some of your suggestions.

    Thanks & Merry Christmas,
  8. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I think many of us are down right now. I know the feeling of lack of connection, even if others are around.

    Don't feel guilty about not always being there for your friends. If the situation were reversed, it sounds like you are the type of person who would be helping them. If they do not understand by this time, they are not true friends.

    What wonderful support you have from your family and church family. A true blessing.

    Florida sounds wonderful right now. Need company, LOL!!

    I am missing my daughter's wedding reception in California on New Years Eve. But they are calling that night and understand why I can not make it. There would be no time for me to rest from the trip as it would be a three day turnaround because of the holidays. However, she has invited me to go to California this spring when I will have built in time to rest. I am coming to terms with this. But this post is not about me.

    It sounds like it is your turn to have the snow removed from your car. What a wonderful idea.
    Pay it forward.

    Take care and welcome back. We take turns on this board of needing support and giving it. Isn't that wonderful? Another pay it forward.


    ETA, I find it interesting that you have a circadium rhythm and mention that in your diagnosis. I think many of us need to mention this. Happy Holidays.
  9. alyssalyn

    alyssalyn New Member

    I have just found that taking protein drinks for several weeks took my 4 am bedtime back to 11 pm or 12 am. Protein is strongly involved in the circadian clock, in the production of both serotonin and melatonin.

    For spare money, if you can write articles, look up Associated Content on the Internet. It is a website where you can write and get paid by Paypal. I have made several hundred dollars that way.
  10. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Thanks for your responses....still crashing too much to write more, but please know that I appreciate what you wrote.
  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're feeling poorly. I get pretty discouraged myself at times.

    I am feeling somewhat better this year. I think it's due to Vitamin D3 and bee pollen. If you read my profile you can see various modalities I've tried over the years. See if you want to try any of them yourself.

    Good luck