Really hurt after Mother's Day

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by spmom, May 13, 2008.

  1. spmom

    spmom New Member

    Once again, nothing on mothers day. I was numb on Sunday and Monday and am just starting to feel so disappointed. I have two young children, often work until 2 in the morning without any help during the day and make things happen like every other super mom out there. I run around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure everything is great for everyone (and I truely don't mind doing this for my family), but when I don't even get recognition on Mother's Day....I am very sad.
    I can't say that I am shocked because it is not that out of the norm, but certainly disappointed. I'm sure some resentment is around the corner:(
  2. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Hi. You have every right to feel unappreciated.

    How old are your 2 children? I think that makes a difference in what I'd suggest that you do.

    Are you upset because your husband didn't recognize you on Mother's Day, or are you upset because your hubby and 2 children didn't recognize your efforts on Mother's Day?

    My generic answer is that I think you try too hard to please others. You need to back off and start doing somethings for yourself.

    They are so accustomed to you doing so much for them that they no longer recognize your efforts.

    My own opinion----Don't you dare do anything for your hubby for Father's Day. If he says something to you, tell him, "yes, I know exactly how you feel", and walk away.
  3. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    I'm sorry your family let you down. Where is your husband? Did you drop any hints? How old are your kids? Didn't they even do something at school to bring home?

    Do you have these dd and do all the super mom stuff too? Wow! I want to wish you a happy Mother's Day belated. Truly you are awesome and your hubby probably doesn't even realize all the things you do in the background to make it all work.

    I'd have a few words with him! Dang, I kinda took advantage. I had my hubby do the nightly bath routine for my son and I ate the last piece of cake from my son's birthday cake. I guess I got a little carried away!

    I'm sorry and hope you feel better and hubby gets a clue.

    Molly aka sorekitty
  4. spmom

    spmom New Member

    I'm pretty hurt that my husband did not step up to the plate. My kids are 4 and 6 and are looking to my husband to demonstrate how you treat a mother and the mother of your children. Interestingly, I had my husband go to a little group activity last Thursday so my boys could make bird houses for my mother (grandma) for mother's day. It's not like he didn't know that mother's day was Sunday.
    For me it is not just missing mother's day but a reflection of a bigger issue and probably some of my own issues of needing to feel valued and appreciated (like every other woman?).
  5. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    You have every right to feel the way you do. My husband was just like that the first years when my kids were little and it hurts really bad.

    Especially when you do the cooking, ironing, laundry, etc...... Mother's Day is so so special.

    My advice and this is what I did back then was that I just totally quite doing for him like I did. I quite ironing his clothes, running here and there for him and just giving him the attention that I used to.

    After time he noticed and that was when we had our "talk" as to why this all came about.

    It is just not about getting presents or anything, you just want to be appreciated with a card or breakfast in bed or even just having a break from responsiblities for one day out of the year. That is all it takes.

    Good Luck spmom and I will keep you in my prayers. Remember, communication does help so please let him know how you feel.
  6. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I've been there - and I have a great husband!!!!
    But a clueless one sometimes. Don't want to tell you how many Mother's Days I cried silently to myself.

    I vowed NEVER to be a martyr. But it seems to ironic that I am such a giver - always show an example of how to remember people...a phone call, a handmade card...Anything!

    I finally had a BIG talk w/my husband and told him his responsibility as a father and the example he needed to show my boys. I wished that it wasn't over Mother's Day (and me) but it happened to be. When the kids are little, the other parent does need to step up!

    It absolutely stinks to have to tell them - but you have to. You'd better have the talk w/him NOW! It's for your children's sake.
    I would still do Father's Day and I'd tell your kids how important it is to remember people on special days.

    Next April start reminding your husband.
    Believe me - my husband remembers now.

    You are NOT alone - I have been there many many times....
  7. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    SPmom -

    I have gone some years without that much from kids or DH but I am thinking perhaps maybe since I am now getting older they are realizing our age and maybe who knows how long we may be around. Just had DH's 70th birthday party in Feb.

    I usually get a card and or a call and sometimes a gift from the kids that can afford it. To me a card or call will work. My DH has never been one for cards but has tried to get better and buy me one for either my b-day or Mothers day. NO, I didn;t get a card from him but he did say we will go out in a weekend or two after this past Sunday (Mothers Day) . We have almost been married for 47 years and he finally remembers my actual birthday. That is how my son is to. However between him being so busy (my son) and also having epilepsy (controlled) I am thinking some of that forgetfullness could be from his condition and or meds. In his field however, he is a whiz (computers)

    The kids made up for it this year cards from all and or calls and my son was OOT and DIL sent me a lovely charm bracelet (silver) with the names of all the kids on it. Oh, I also got flowers from our D abd SIL that live in NC.Tht was wonderful. Like I said eventually we we will go out to dinner. One daughter asked us over but we were to tired from working in the Rodeo the day before and would have a long drive, so we will do tht another time. NO, I did not get a card from DH. He says he thought about it and then forgot about it. Men and cards somehow do not get along I think. He does appreciate me though so that is what counts.

    As I told someone else on this board who had the same problem as you with her husband - just bop him in the head or something (-: !! Believe me hon I DO Understand !!



  8. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I just wrote to SPmom and forgot to mention you and what you posted.

    I am so sorry tht your mom is being that way towards you especially JUST you. I know other people on this list with similar probalems as well as a good friend of mine whose mother idolized her brother and HE could do NO wrong and with her it ws just the opposite. I know how it hurt her all these years and she is older than I. He mohter has been dead for years and her dad divorced her due to her crazy behavior too.

    I know how badly this must have hurt her as she still keeps talking about it to me from time to time. It really HURTS and has terrible effects on the children they are abusing ! Yes, that is abusing to my way of thinking - mental or emotional abuse.

    I know that you and others like you just deal with it the best way you can but it can have lasting effects. Did your mom always act tht way towards you when you were growing up?

    I am so sorry you had to put up with your mother acting like this and mothers Day I am sure brings it all up again. I didn't check to see if you had children or not. If so, concentrate on them and your family.

    I just had to add my two cents to your sad situation.

    Hugs and blessings,

  9. greygodess

    greygodess New Member

    I know where you are coming from. It is possible that your husband is clueless. Talk to him. It doesn't make it less special if you have to ask for it. Sometimes that is the only way you will get it. Godbless