Relationship problems

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by romanshopper, Jul 15, 2006.

  1. romanshopper

    romanshopper New Member

    I've been married for 15 years, but lately it is so strained. My husband hates to hear about my illness, hates to hear that I don't feel good, does NOTHING to help me...his friend came over today early, and he gave me 20 bucks to take my son to the movies tongiht. I really didn't feel like it, but went as my son was so excited.

    I came home, feeling awful, and was hoping to have a relaxing night and go to bed. Instead, I come home to my husband and his friend STILL HERE at 11PM drinking and acting like they were going to keep at it all night.

    My husband made snide comments about how he'd had a GREAT day. I felt like it was because I wasn't around.

    I know he's under a lot of stress being the sole provider. I used to be the money maker until this happened to me. I seriously resent having to ask for money.

    I think my husband just thinks I am a drag and that I'm faking and lazy. ONe day he said that he was the only one around here that wasn't 'sorry.' I'd had a bad day that day and had not got any housework done. It was all I could do to watch our son that day and get meals made.

    What do you do? I pray I get my social security so I can gain just a bit of my equality in the household back - as being able to contribute somewhat.

    How have you guys got through the relationship woes?
  2. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Neither of you are fully understanding the other's point of view. Could be that hubby is so locked into that image of a wife who has boundless energy to do everything, that he cannot cope with you as you currently are, and escapes by hanging with his friends.
  3. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Your husband may feel resentful and angry over the loss of the "old you" before you were ill (I am sure you feel the same way). When the time is right, I would have a serious conversation and tell him you don't enjoy being sick and you also miss how things were before.

    I would tell him if the tables were turned you would never treat him like that,(I am sure that is true).

    As respects to your illness, you might try something - stop talking about it (completely) and see if it makes a difference. I understand our families feel helpless. When we say we are sick, they want to do something to help but can't, so it is very frustrating. Sometimes we don't realize

    I read your bio and you have really been through so much, I am sorry. I can't believe what you went through. Did you ever consider suing the doctor who failed to diagnose your problem in the first place?

    Why don't you call a few malpractice attorneys? I agree with the idea of going to counseling. If he won't go, you go. It really does help.

    Take care....

    [This Message was Edited on 07/15/2006]
  4. roadkill

    roadkill New Member

    I would say that first your husband has to quit drinking. It's a poor solution. It changes his perceptions and he ends up doing things that a sane person would not do.
  5. romanshopper

    romanshopper New Member


    My husband doesn't drink much at all. I don't think it is a problem with him. Now his friend, the one that comes over and stays all day....huh.........yeah.

    I try not to mention it - but it feels a bit like I live a lie.

    In Ga., there is a statue of limitations and by the time I found OUT what was going on, it was too late.
  6. Dainty45

    Dainty45 New Member

    My husband goes to work, and he is gone 12 hours a day, he works and then hangs with friends at night. He says he can't make me feel better, so he distracts himself that way. He says he is giving me a chance to rest, well I have all day. Men also need there man time, with friends, so I understand that. It is not his fault I can't do the things I used to do. I do get lonely, but then I go out and find something to do, where I am around people.

    Take Care!! SB

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