relationships with limited energy?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by *Isla*, Dec 16, 2002.

  1. *Isla*

    *Isla* New Member

    I've been with this guys for about a month now and because I have to spend my limited energy on school work, I often can't spend as much time with him as I'd like too. He says he's okay with it but I know he wants me to also spend more time with him. And it's not that I don't want to, I just can't.
    So how does everyone do it? How do you manage a relationship with limited energy?

    God bless and keep smilin'!!
  2. BonBons

    BonBons New Member

    Maybe your friend would be able to just be with you while you are doing homework or taking it easy. I know I always feel better just having my husband in the same room! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful stress-free and magical holiday season (to all!) Bonnie
  3. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    Living with these disorders is a matter of prioritizing.

    We each have to prioritize as we see fit.

    Above all else on my priority list is my children, and my husband.....all else pales in comparison.

    My husband and I plan to have time to spend together. We set one evening and nite a be totally alone.
    This may require saying "no" to someone else, a long nap for me in the afternoon, etc. But our relationship is our priority. We spend six days a week, with the children. On the seventh evening, and nite, they stay at grandmother's house.

    We have also planned our lives and our careers, so that we work together. Again, our relationship is our priority. It is important to us---we enjoy the life we have spent together, since we were "going steady", at 13 and 14 years of age. We have been married now for 26 years. He is my help mate, and makes it possible for me to get the rest I need. He is genuinely concerned about my health--because what is good for me....benefits his priorities as well. We are both in the same place.

  4. dobegood

    dobegood New Member

    When you live with a kind of illness that automatically drains your energy, it may be difficult to focus on WHERE to place it.
    I've had "less" energy since birth and perhaps some of the things I've learned may help you in this relationship, as well as future relationships with family/friends.


    Spending time with each other doesn't have to cost energy at all. There are so many things you can do that may bring joy instead of paying a price in reduced energy.

    My boyfriend knows my energy level goes up and down. When it's really down, he gives me a foot massage. He may make me some food, or just sit and talk with me.
    We watch TV together, movies, we play Chess now and then, we just lay next to each other in a non-sexual cuddle, he takes me for a drive, we do jig-saw puzzles together, we surf on the Internet together, we discuss, we listen to a sound-book together and we write on common "books" together. All this takes little energy. All of them means sitting down. Sometimes, my head is drained too and on those occasions, we just spend time in the same room doing different things.

    Spending time together "apart" is just as much a part of any relationship as spending time together is.

    When my energy level is high, we often go for a walk with the dog or cook together. It all depends.

    Routines can be important.
    How about making ONE evening your day together? Plan for it and work for it. Even if you feel drained when the evening comes, try to do some of the things I suggested just to spend time with him.
    Good luck :)