Relatives Keep Asking If I'm Working RANT

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TeaBisqit, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    My idiot cousin just asked me again if I'm working. BIG SCREAM! I've been on disability for SEVENTEEN YEARS, no, I'm not working. UGH! I am so sick of these stupid relatives. This is all I've been hearing out of them for a year now since my mother passed away. Why can't they get it through their brains that I am chronically ill and cannot work? No amount of telling these people gets through. If the disease has not gone away in seventeen years, obviously, it's not going away. Instead of asking me if I'm working, they should be asking me how they can help to make things better. They just don't care. :(

    There's also someone that was a friend of my mother's who keeps telling me I need to get "a little job". And I always want to smack her when she says it. That's another one who has never been sick a day in her life and has zero clue.

    I'm so sick of dealing with these people :(
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    will never get it, so it's best that you just accept that instead of keep getting frustrated. Come up with some good one line response like "never" and leave it at that. =)

    I know what you mean about the close friend. My best friend is THE one person who never asks me how I am (Fibro-wise)It's like she forgets I have it. My husband recently lost his job and she said she found a great job on the internet for me. Yeah, I'm not going back to work full-time - I'd never make it! I work part time right now and have my hands in about 10 other things and I'm barely hanging on. I remember one day she called and I was 'resting'. When she called back before she said hello, she said "first of all, you 'rest' more than any person I know" I was shocked. First because I didn't fall asleep and desperately needed to and never do really and secondly because I thought once again, she doesn't get it. She used to say "I'd invite you, but you'll just say no" and she makes a point of telling me what she tells other people about our relationship "we're phone friends cause she never wants to go anywhere". WELL??????? yeah, I don't feel well!!! ARrrgghh.

    So I feel your frustration. I think we've all dealt with it with one person at minimum in our lives.

    Maybe the person who said you should get a 'little job' is thinking about your mental health? Just being objective for a moment. Even though it's hurtful and you can't,(forget the fact that finding a 'little job' that is flexible for us is very difficult) some people believe that idle hands make for an idle mind. Working or a hobby does do wonders for the mind, body and soul - WHEN WE CAN.

    There are still those people that think we'd RATHER be home than working, when the fact is that most of us would rather be able to work, continue lost careers, pursue new ones etc. AND there will always be those that don't think before they open their mouths and blurt out something hurtful.

    If they only knew the multitude of things we deal with - including handling the comments like you have.

    I promise, we won't ask ya if you're working. =)
  3. misskoji

    misskoji Member

    I have the same problem with many of my family members. It kinda makes you want to dot their eyes right? ;)

    I feel when they ask these sort of questions they know the answer already and are trying to air a "better than thou" feeling.

    After much frustration and hurt feelings with this myself, I now just look at them with a blank, silent stare. It makes them feel uncomfortable and then they will usually try to cover it up with "oh that's right, I forgot, I'm sorry) or some other ignorant response.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I hope you can learn to not let it bother you so much. So much easier said than done, I know. They are ignorant and toxic and please just try to be above this level and let it roll off your back. You know you have a valid illness, and so do many others. It shouldn't matter that they refuse to accept it, let them just be ignorant they won't change.

    Healing hugs
  4. tandy

    tandy New Member

    they are clueless as to feeling the way we do.
    yet they still can judge us and ask us when we're gonna get "a little job" ????
    whats that anyway?
    all jobs seem HUGE to me :)

    best to ignore them,.... tho sometimes I admit its very hard to.
  5. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I would tell your relatives that you are working. Working on getting better that is!!

    Sorry you are going through this. What a pain.

    Also you "little job" is making it through another day!!

    Take care. GA
  6. vannafeelbettr

    vannafeelbettr New Member

    ..... plus tell them you are writing a book about how people who are healthy can be insensitive and rude when it comes to understanding the world an unhealthy person lives in.
  7. goldengoddess

    goldengoddess New Member


    Yeah, I'm gonna start writing that book!
  8. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    I'm so sorry they are doing that teabisqit!! That sounds really aggravating.

    I don't know why people are so rude like that, maybe they make themselves feel better by putting pressure on you like that.

    I think it sounds like your full-time job is managing your body's major and serious chronic illness. If people were acting like that in front of me to you, I would probably say that to their faces. Managing a chronic disability IS a job. Living is your job. It was not chosen, it was forced upon you, you don't get vacations, you don't get sick leave (hahaha), there are no promotions or bonuses.

    So yeah, if I were you I would probably say a bunch of things like that if I got angry. I wish they could understand your reality and what you actually go through and that you deserve support and big, gentle hugs not snotty attitudes like they are giving you.
  9. kitteejo

    kitteejo Member


    Your post is hilarious!!! I really broke out into laughter. What a great comeback line. I'm going to use it next time I'm told to walk around the block by my neighbor who thinks that if I exercise more I'd feel better just because she feels better when she does.

    I love it.

    Thanks for your great since of humor,

  10. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    My father says " So , once you get disability , then they can train you so that you can work somewhere , right ?"

    Some of my friends are always saying little things like " YOu could sell on E-Bay " or " I saw a job that I thought you could do listed in the paper. Do you want the phone number?" What do they mean "that I think you could do " They have never even asked what is really wrong with me.

    To make it worse , my sister has a friend who is a doctor. My mom and sister talk on the phone - mom is a gossip , and sister thinks she needs to fix the family. So , mom tells sister what is "wrong" with me , sister tells doctor friend , who then "diagnoses" me and they relay it back that "My friend , doctor------------ said that you could do this and that and -------------are the meds to take or not take. It is outrageous.

    Guess what ? My sister has never asked for information from me . She has no clue about my life ,and my mother doesn't understand it either. So what in the world are they telling this doctor?

    I could rant on for a long time .

    I DO know , though , that for me , the ONLY one for me to worry about as far as opinion goes , is God . Well , maybe my good doctor too . But that is as far as it should go.

    The only way anyone understands seems to be when THEY get sick . Even then , they say " I just stretched my leg too much . Now I know what fibro is all about .

    Then there is the " You just need to get out more and move your muscles or " You just need a little excersize. Push yourself . If you don't , you'll never recover."

    Sorry ! All the stories just get me going.

  11. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Up until a couple of years ago, my Mom lied to friends and neighbours that I worked doing whatever and didn't speak about my ordeal with illness and disability - VERY embarrassing to say the least when you bump into the people concerned. Luckily I live far away and don't have to deal with this much.

    I did not dare tell my parents I had a disability parking permit - they would have fallen through the floor with embarrassment and shock...LOL.

    Goodness knows what Mom tells them now...I don't get upset anymore. My parents have never understood or been interested in my health and difficulties.

    I now have a "chit chat" relationship with them but my health rarely gets a mention even though they can see how disabled I am these days.

    Don't waste your emotions or energy on people like these.

    You can either drop the friend or do as I did and just "pretend" to be as normal as you can be in their company (I had to do that with my parents or cut them off - I chose not to cut them off)

    I have found that "water off a duck's back" is the way to be when I have to visit with them.

    Hugs and understanding,

    Bunchy x
  12. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I would cut them off by now just to save my sanity but if that's not possible then I would say, "You have NO idea what I'm dealing with."

    That's my line for people in my life like that. I also refuse to continue to explain, complain or defend myself to them anymore. I tried, I'm done.

    One liners are helpful. You can just keep repeating them with a level tone and then refuse to discuss the subject with them. It's like a game. ;)