Religion is ruining my friendship...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by painterZ, Dec 1, 2007.

  1. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    First let me say I have a very strong foundation in the Christian religion but am not "active" in that I don't attend church every week. I am also aware that many of you have strong faiths and spirituality and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone. The issue is that my friend of several years, who I have been through very tough times including severe depression on both are parts, has, as she put it "found God". I don't have any issue with that, the problem is now everything is "wonderful, beautiful etc". I can't talk to her without her telling me how joyous it was to make fried eggs, and to take an invigorating walk with a new appreciation of the circulatory system. I mean, please. I don't know how many of you suffer from severe depression and other psychiatric illnesses but it is beyond annoying to have someone talk like that when you're sitting in the depths of Hell. I did confront her but she hasn't stopped. Will this settle a little or am I going to lose a friend over the fact that she's too happy? Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but I haven't been in a good place recently.


  2. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    that it may not be her new-found religion -- or even her over-the-top happiness -- that's bothering you. It's her lack of consideration of your feelings and the fact that she has not stopped this behavior after you told her how it affects you.

    Judging by some friends I've had in the past, I'd say her feeling of euphoria will probably tone down. However, her lack of empathy and consideration for your feelings is probably not going to change.

    Maybe the fact that the mental/emotional places you and she are in right now are SO far apart has simply cast a spotlight on this problem. Or maybe when times are better, you're just able to bear it better.

    I'd suggest some distance for a while, and see if some time apart will help.

    Good luck!
  3. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I understand completely what you are saying. Really happy people get on my nerves. I know when I have bad, down days, there are certain friends I have to stay away from because they will just annoy me with their stories about how wonderful they and their lives are.

    I don't think you will lose her as a friend - just maybe let it calm down a little for awhile - just like janelle said. I also agree that she is not respecting your feelings, but she is probably not thinking about how you feel, but how wonderful she is feeling. Sometimes, I just need to smile at people like this and walk away.

    I'm like you - I don't attend church regularly (panic attacks prevent that) but I am religious to an extent. I find prayer to be helpful and healing at times.

    BTW, your post did make me chuckle a bit - when you said how happy she was to make fried eggs - I mean c'mon - could that be real?
  4. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    My 2 DILs irritate my D with how perfect everything is in their lives,. especially one of them. MKy daughter is not jealous but it makes her disgusted that they brag so- her home is so cozy, her children are so perfect, etc.

    The other just brags and how her children would not live aaway from her - I think that she does this just to bug my daughter.

    Ignore the brags, etc. Someday their lives while change.

  5. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    It's sad but it's common. It may not even be that she's too happy, you just sound like you're not communicating well with each other, like you two aren't relating to each other very well. I know it's sad when this happens.

  6. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I think when someone finds a 'new' religion, it's like falling in love, they are so caught up with the excitement and newness of it all............frankly speaking this would totally get on my nerves.

    However if she's a good friend try to bear it for a few months and see if her euphoria dies down, if not tell her in no uncertain terms that you don't want her behaving like that around you.

    Good luck, good friends are hard to come by.

  7. spacee

    spacee Member

    I do agree that it is how considerate the people are to each other. I have an identical twin. One of us is a very enthusiastic Democrat and one of us Republican. One is a very enthusiastic Christian and the other isn't.

    We just don't talk about what we disagree about.

    Sorry that friendships end but they do for one reason or another.

  8. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Sometimes, people can't take not knowing what to do in lives so find a path that offers "certainty" .

    I'm a little concerned that she may be exhibiting some form of mania and might crash, etc. Glad that she's found some happiness, but would be concerned if she got "too happy". Best of luck, your mr Bill

  9. Pottersclay

    Pottersclay New Member

    Jesus Christ the Son of God loves us so much that he sent his one and only Son to die on the cross for our sins so we can spend eternity with Him. (John 3:16&17)

    I am a Christian and I feel if we are to tell others about Christ it should be done in love and respect. To shove God down the throats of man is like shoving salty liver down a persons throat; especially when they act better than everyone else and get in your face.

    God has been there for me so many times in my life. I can't imagine going through life without him. He never promised life would be easy. He wants us to turn to him and trust him to get us through. All we have to do is ask and trust him and his timing. He promised us in the bible he would, "NEVER leave us or forsake us."

    I know this is a health type forum. People come here because of health related issues. I want to think that any health problems I have God may heal me or use my health issues to help others through theirs, to make me a stronger person.

    Don't let a few bad apples push you away from one thing I KNOW FOR CERTAIN. God loves YOU! He is not a bad God. A God that wants bad things to happen to you. Jesus Christ wants to help us through the trials in life.

    I will admit that life is not always "Wonderful" for me. That doesn't mean God stopped loving me or being there for me. Since the fall of man, Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden sin has been in the world. Satan wants to destroy us. There is a battle for the hearts of mankind. The people who have been over zealous with probably with good intentions didn't realize they were doing more harm than good.

    You all are special. Don't you ever forget that, or that God REALLY does love you.

    I know I don't always post about my faith on this forum. It just broke my heart to read this thread. I could just feel the anger and animosity.

    With much love and respect,
  10. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    I think your friend is in the "honeymoon" stage of "finding God".

    I would think that the over zealousness will settle down in time. She may need you when she realizes that some prayers are not answered the way we would like.

  11. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    My cousin, who is 2 years younger than me (but always looked older), is like that. We grew up together like sisters. Anyway, I was very devout as a teenager, when she was into cutting school with boys, etc. After a bad marriage and losing her kids, and then marrying another semi-loser, she found religion (we had both grown up in similar strict religions).

    Anyway, I'm not trying to put down the power of faith and prayer, but some people are unreasonable with it. She's always talking about how her faith and her prayer and worship meetings gets her through. But, God does not tell you not to pay your child support, not to get a job, to steal power (it's disconnected but you sneak and reconnect it), and to smoke marijuana.

    God would tell you to continue to read your Bible, but to go out and get your GED, get a job, pay your child support (to make the warrant for your arrest for nonpayment of support go away), and get your power turned back on. Also, God would tell you that if this husband is not helping you, perhaps you both need counseling. Two people who refuse to work a regular 9 to 5 (with no health problems) will continue to be homeless.

    People who use faith in God as an excuse to sit on their bottoms and read the Bible (but nothing else) make religion and spirituality look bad. I don't even talk to her anymore. Every third conversation is asking for money, after relaying yet another financial catastrophe. All the while, there are never any talks of entering any kind of training program, or taking any old job just to make enough money to clear her warrant.
  12. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    for your responses. My brother had my computer for two days fixing it so this is the first time I've had to reply.

    My friend is still going strong. I had what I considered to be a crushing blow to my upcoming custody hearing and after saying "Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear what's happening" she said "I, on the other hand, feel wonderful (and she sang the word "wonderful")" I didn't know what to do so I laughed. I have considered that she's beginning a manic phase and asked her if she'd been taking her meds or if her Dr. (we share the same psychiatrist and psychologist)felt any need to change her meds. She said "No" and I know she's seeing her docs so I don't think it's mania. I plan on trying to hang in a little longer. So many of my friends are patients I've met in hospitals and you do grow apart and things change and people get really better or really worse, and they seem treatment resistant. I don't have many friends so I hope things work out.

    Thanks again everyone.

  13. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    It sounds like your friend is all wrapped up in herself. I guess you could feel happy for her that she is so happy, but it would be nice if she could be sensitive to your needs at this time or at least aware of your feelings.

    You might need to distance yourself for a while, or explain to her the problem if she can understand.

    What you are saying does not sound bad at all. You are just being realistic. Friendships are not a one way street and if she cannot meet you half way, then why continue?

    It would bother me also.
  14. Pottersclay

    Pottersclay New Member

    Your friend might be like one of mine when it comes to favorite phrases. Yours likes to say "Wonderful" a lot and mine says, "Know what I mean?" at least a dozen times in a five minute period. I sometimes jokingly repy Yes I do. Jelly bean."
    Ever hear the phrase, "Know what I mean, Jellybean?" It hasn't broke her of the habit either. Sigh...I still love her dearly though.
  15. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    I'm meeting my friend to go Christmas shopping. This will be right after my therapy so maybe she'll have enough happiness to make me laugh but not enough to make me want to hang her from the huge Christmas tree in the middle of the mall. If she decides to skip or anything, I'm leaving her there!

  16. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    and I wouldn't blame you one bit. You're a saint to continue trying to be with her right now. I'm not sure I could handle her "In-your-face HAPPINESS". Well, hopefully, you have a good time with her. Let us know how it goes.

  17. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    turned out quite well. I warned her about the place I was in and did tell her I'd string her from the tall Christmas tree if she got on my nerves. She laughed and said that if I was too depressed she'd put me in the plastic doghouse in the kiddie play area. All in all a successful, although strange, day out.

    Thanks again for all your help.