Relocation and Share Housing Inquiry for Friend

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by steelcitydweller, May 20, 2009.

  1. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member

    My friend is a 59 year-old single female professional wishing to relocate from Pittsburgh, PA to an area where the climate is moderate and the humidity on average is low with fewer climate changes than PA. She is struggling with yet an undiagnosed health problem but it has all the symptons of CFS/FM. Along with relocation, she is looking for a couple or another female who would be interested in a house sharing or cooperative living arrangment.

    Can anyone help me with my search or give me advice on locating persons who are house sharing/co-op living arrangement participants?

    Thank you.
  2. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I've been looking into this type of thing for a few years now, with no luck....would love to move to southern CA (or possibly Bend, OR or Prescott, AZ...but esp interested in San Diego area)...the weather there is so much better for me health-wise, but there is absolutely no way I can afford to live there on my own (can't afford where I am now, but it's worse there)....anyway, I have looked into every and any option I could think of and have had no luck....would be very interested in talking further to your friend, although I did just sign a new lease, so at this point would not be able to do anything for another year.....I am 37, single, on disability, have CFS and FM, and have a bunny and a cat.....don't know if she would want to talk further with me (even if it's not about actually living together, I might be able to answer some questions re: different areas, types of housing, etc, since I have spent so much time researching this stuff)....not sure how to go about doing this, though, since I don't really want to put my email address here
  3. quanked

    quanked Member

    Sometimes I read posts of individuals who are in dire situations due to level of functioning, finances, lack of support, etc. I do not know how some people manage. I have often tried to think of how does a community/individual meet the needs of (even minimally) of people suffering with cfids/me/fm with any or all of the above limitations.

    If I had the funds I would create homes where people in need could live and not have to worry about their survival. However, I do not have these kinds of funds so perhaps there are other ways.

    If a group of individuals suffering with these dd's who are are not able to meet some of their own needs were to pool their resources and create a group living situation that could meet most of their needs then this might be viable solution for some in need. Individuals sharing their resources like space, finances, great family and friends support, higher functioning levels, etc. could see to it that each indvidual would have more of their basic needs met in a group than on their own. Groups that require further assistance could either hire someone to come in regularly and if this is not affordable then perhaps students/volunteers could meet this need. For example a student in the medical field, social work, and other related fields could do a term internship or a year or whatever time period that would meet their educational needs. Tapping into the volunteer community might bring some help free of charge as well.

    This idea needs more development. For those who function at a higer level brain wise and energy wise could develop this further or find a student who might be able to use this as some kind of project for credit. Who knows, if it were to work it might become a model for other communities to develop. Their might even be grants to develop this type of thing.

    For whatever it is worth...
  4. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I have had almost exactly the same thoughts...I've also thought that it would be cool to somehow get something like Extreme Home Makeover involved in this....I realize that they usually demolish an existing structure, but have wondered if there were a way to get enough land and explain what was going on with many of us, if they could build something for a small community....they are really good at using environmentally efficient and safe materials, mold free and allergen free types of things, handicapped accessible, and other ways of making living environments easier for people with disabilities, etc....and they would also help to spread the word about what ME/CFS and FM are really like and how they impact people's lives....and they often do some great fundraising/advocacy things, as well....and I have seen them do bigger projects than just a single house
  5. aleutian

    aleutian New Member

    Yes, My friend would be interested in talking with you? Can she list her phone number or can we set up a time to go to the chat room?
  6. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member


    I, too, am reluctant to list my email address. I am not a big fan of chat rooms but that is
    probably our best course to talk, so can you give me one of two dates/times that would work
    for you for the two of us to get on chat. What time zone are you in? Pacific, Mountain, Central? I am in the Eastern time zone. I will be traveling Friday and Saturday but will
    have access to the web and will check for your response and try as best I can to make
    connections at whatever date/time you choose.

    I look forward to talking with you, and thanks so much for offering your help.
  7. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I'm on central time....I have never used this chat, and have very little experience with chat in general, so I will have to figure it out first....rt now I don't have time to do that - have been crashing badly the last few weeks and have to try to get a few things very interested in talking further soon, though, so I will get back to you about times....hope you have a nice weekend
  8. outofstep

    outofstep Member

    maybe you guys would be interested in this:
  9. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Thanks, but if that's what I think it is, it filled up a long time ago ( I came across it rt after I got the idea that something like that is really needed).....but yeah, that's the type of thing that I would love to find....the only problem with it (besides being full) is that they need to locate it in a more moderate climate (the retreat house is in MA - cold brutal winters- and the actual housing development is in South Carolina - hot humid summers)....temperature extremes cause big problems for many of us
  10. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member

    Hi AuntTammie,

    So sorry to hear you're struggling. My thoughts are with you. Thanks again for your
    willingness to share. I'll need to crash course on the chat site myself so we'll both
    do our homework, right? Hope your weekend is nice as well and just let me know
    what you decide about chatting when you're ready.

  11. diva42597

    diva42597 New Member

    I moved from the East Coast (Connecticut/New York) where the weather is cold and the humidity high to Las Vegas, NV. The weather is warm and humidity is very low. It has helped me quite a bit. As far as cooperative living, I would recommend a roommate finder like I've used it several times and it has allowed me to move around a bit easier. Hope that helps.
  12. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    just wanted to let you know I read your last response and will definitely figure out how to use chat and let you know of a few possible times to try to will probably not be for a week or so, though, bc of how bad I am doing rt now and bc i know that this week will further drain me (finally getting to see a new doc, but will have to drive farther than I can easily handle to get there)...anyway, I will get back to you, though
  13. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I have been on and a couple of other similar sites for a couple of yrs now, with no luck....glad it worked for you, though....I have had responses but they have pretty much all been males (and mostly younger males) and i am not comfortable with that unless there is another female around, too....i think that having a bunny and a cat might be part of the reason that I haven't had that many responses, but I'm not sure.....the other things that I am picky about in a place to live/share are; not living with a smoker, and not getting a room that is already furnished (I need my comfy mattress!)

    when you used, did you look for a room to rent that someone already had or did you look for a person to find a whole new place with...and if it was in another state, how did you handle the logistics of actually looking at it before moving there? did you actually travel there and look around before moving or did you just correspond via email and the pics online and hope that it would work?
  14. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member


    Thanks for the suggested website. Will pursue!

  15. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member

    Hi! Thanks for your suggesting a roommate finder. I would be very interested in learning more
    about your experiences using Did you post that you were looking for
    a roommate, etc. or did you answer a posting that developed into a valid roommate arrangement. As with AuntTammie I'm very interested in how you made it happen.
  16. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member

    Hi AuntTammie,

    How are you doing these days? Haven't heard from you about our getting on chat to talk so
    thought I would touch base with you again. Question... where are you residing now? You
    may have said but I don't recall. Do you have bouts of depression? My friend is really
    battling with this. And the fact that we're not having much success with avenues of possible
    areas to relocate is adding to her battle I'm sure.

    Another long did it take your doctor(s) to diagnose you with CFS and FM? This
    has been another issue with her. She has all the symptoms of FM and/or CFS but none of her doctors have officially landed on a diagnosis. Enough about my friend's situation. I sure hope
    you tell me you are doing better. You've been on my mind.
  17. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    You are on my to-do list. : )

    I have been having a horrible couple of months and have gotten extremely far behind on everything - that was compounded by the fact that I was recently w/o electricity for 3 days (which meant no sleep, feeling worse from the heat/humidity, not being able to eat rt, having to use my non-existent energy to replace the food that was spoiled, getting further behind w/ online stuff, etc), I am really sorry - I do still want to talk to you and have not forgotten - just, like I said, have been doing incredibly rotten (I am really hoping that this is a flare, rather than a permanent worseing....I think it is, though, bc I had started to feel a tiny bit better before the electricity thing)

    To answer your questions....I am living in Il rt now, in a suburb of Chicago. I have definitely struggled with depression. It is hard not to when you are always sick. Much of the time it is hard to figure out the point of living with this. That is not to say that I don't have hope, though. I am a Christian and my faith has helped tremendously. I do really believe that God has me here for a reason and that He can use everything, even this illness. Plus, I still have hope that someday they will figure out enough about ME/CFS and FM to be able to give us better treatments or even a cure. I'm sorry that your friend is having such a hard time. I'm also truly sorry if my slowness in responding is adding to her depression. I certainly don't want to do that, but as i said, I have been doing awful.

    As to the time to diagnosis, I can't really say, bc on the one hand, my Dr agreed with me as soon as I asked that I fit all the criteria for ME/CFS, and she then added that I probably have FM, too. On the other hand, she also seems to have a dismissive attitude about both, and aside from initially having tests run (after I requested them) she has not really done anything....and the only reason I think that she ever came to the conclusion in the first place is that I brought it up (that was after 2 years of symptoms). I have been to various specialists since then and have had many more tests and confirmation of the diagnosis. The initial Dr now pretty much dismisses everything as being part of the ME or FM. That does not help, either, bc as we all know, it is entirely possible to have ME and FM and still get other things, and it is important to rule out those things before deciding that every symptom has top be yet another ME or Fm symptom. As a result, I have found another Dr, who after the first appt I really liked......I'll have to wait and see how things go with him, but at least he believes in ME and FM and has looked at my test results and confirmed the diagnosis.
  18. steelcitydweller

    steelcitydweller New Member

    Hi AuntTammie,

    Please know that you are not contributing to Mary's feeling down! Please, please take whatever time you need to get squared away yourself before concerning yourself with
    my and Mary's request, ok?

    Mary has had similar experiences as you with doctors, diagnosis and treatments which
    is what prompted me to ask questions. Thought maybe this area was unique in its
    approach to these diseases. From what you tell me that's not the case. Sounds to
    me as though you, Mary and everyone else suffering from ME/CFS and FM and related
    illnesses need a champion to advocate for you. But who does he advocate to? There
    seems to be a number of national organizations for FM, CFIDS, etc. Maybe they are
    the starting point. Excuse my rambling, just thinking aloud.

    One last question about climate and how it affects you. Do you find the heat and humidity
    harder on you than the cold? Or are they equally rough on you?

    Take care.