Remembering Our Moms On Mothers Day

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Mikie, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Some of us had toxic relationships with our Mothers and are better off without the stresses of the relationships. Some of us, like me, have lost our Mothers. For everyone else, I just want to post a reminder of how important it becomes for Mothers to know how much they are appreciated and loved on Mothers Day (and, actually, every other day of the year).

    I live in FL where there are a lot of older women who live alone and miss their families or deceased husbands. It means so much to them to be remembered.

    One older lady living on a fixed income came into our store the other day. It wasn't busy and another cashier and I were talking to her. She asked for a price check on a pretty little planter. It was $14.99 and she said she really couldn't afford it but she wanted it so much. She ended up deciding to buy it and my heart leapt for her. I'm glad she treated herself to something which will give her pleasure.

    She said she'd love it if one of her kids gave her something like that. I told her to buy it and send the bill to the kids. That gave her a laugh. She said she is lonely and bored. She said her daughter, who has everything, won't listen to her and tells her how lucky she is and ought to feel lucky and not complain. Poor old lady. All she wants is someone to validate her lonliness. Poor daughter. She is probably overstressed and the last thing she has time for is her Mother's angst.

    The nicest thing the daughter could do is to make time to have lunch with Mom and just talk and listen. I remember when my own Mom was alive and living alone. I stopped in to see her after work almost every night. I also tried to do things for her. As I was trying to keep going and was getting sicker and sicker, I thought my Mom was lucky to be able to stay home and not have the pressures I was facing. I can see things from the daughter's perspective too. Sometimes, we are doing all we can to hold ourselves and our lives together and do not have the capacity to try to solve our parent's problems. I now realize they don't want their children to solve their problems, they just want a little attention and some understanding of what they are going through as they age and lose their friends and loved ones.

    Even though my Mom is no longer here, I know she is watching over me and I remember to tell her how much I love her and miss her every day. I wish she were here this Mothers Day. I still put a little bud vase next to her ashes with her favorite roses in it. I think she knows.

    Love, Mikie
  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    As always, you hit the nail right on the head with your thoughtful reminder.

    I miss my Mommy too.....


  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I don't think we ever get over losing our Moms. I don't have a death wish and am not depressed but I actually look forward to being with Mom, and my other lost loved ones, when it's time for me to go Home.

    Thanks for responding. I know how hard it is for us this time of year.

    Love, Mikie
  4. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    We are traveling to see her this Mother's Day as she is the last of our parents left. And, she's been a good Mommy to me and to my siblings.

    Both my husband and I had wonderful parents; we are most blessed. We surely do miss the ones who have gone, but being able to spend time with Mom is precious to us as much as it is to her...time with my mom. A time to treasure.

    Happy Mother's Day to each mother on this board and to your mothers either here or passed on before.

  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I still miss my Mom, she's been gone for 15 years now. I don't think that will ever stop.

  6. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Well, I don't tell this story very often because of the fact that my Mother still comes around, so I do not want to embarrass her. However, since you guys will probably never meet her, here it goes.

    I have always been jeolous of Mother/Daughter relationships even my own with my 2 girls. I would do anything in the world for them and help them with everything under the sun like, putting makeup on, homework, boyfriend questions, personal questions, which creams to use, what bra to wear, etc.... You get the picture, things a Mom are supposed to do.

    Well, my Mom left with the guy across the street when I was 8 years old and my Dad was working 2 jobs to make ends meet. Anyway, that was a long time ago. However, my brother, sister and I were left with my Dad and my aging Grandmother to take care of us. After a few years, my brother and sister went to live with her and I stayed with my Dad. Why, I have no idea, but I am so glad I did. He was the best Father anyone could ever have.

    He was my Mother and Father and always there for me. Anyway to make a long story short, we just don't have that kind of a relationship like I wish I did with a Mother. I don't see her a lot and we are more like passing friends with each other. She has done a lot of bad bad things in her life and that is why I am so glad I stayed with my Daddy.

    Anyway, all you Mothers, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU ALL, and be good to your children, spoil them, care for them, love them, etc.....and to my DADDY, Happy Mothers Day and Fathers Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2008]
  7. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    I'm one of the others - my mother is a self-centered alcoholic (father deceased over 20 years ago) - and always has been (my brother recently put her in rehab where she is biding her time, telling everyone what they want to hear, until she can get out and start drinking).

    But, I would visit my mother every year in FL at her condo complex. And, there were just so many discarded elderly it broke my heart! Children would actually buy a condo for their ailing parent(s), then just stick them there and hope the others living in the condos would watch over their parents and care for them.

    Others would buy a condo pretending it was for themselves (it is an 55+ place), get approved by the condo board, then stick their sick parents there and disappear.

    So, bottom line, if you have a decent relationship with your parents, please stay in touch - as one day they just won't be there.
  8. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I am one of the fortunate ones whose Mom is still here on this earth. I would say that I am also the luckiest child in the world to be given the Mother I have. My Mom is the kindest, gentlest woman who lights up a room when she walks into it. Everyone loves my Mom - but none more than me. I worry every day (not exaggerating) about the day that she won't be with me. I honestly do not know how I will go on - not sure I'll want to.
    Oh and my DAD - just as incredible. Everytime I think my life is tough, I remember how blessed I really am with the family I've been given.
    See my best friend lost her Mom suddenly when we were both 23 yrs old (22 yrs ago) That day changed my life forever. I learned a lot about how precious life is. I have learned to always tell people how much they mean to you - to never leave a conversation with less than nice words, to live a life with no regret.

    My life's greatest success would be to have my children love me half as much as I love my Mom AND Dad. I would die a happy woman.

  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Thank you all so much for your responses. They all touched me for different reasons. My heart breaks for those who do not have good relationships with their Moms and for those of us who have lost our Moms. I'm happy for those of you who still have wonderful Moms you enjoy. Nanna does a lot for her Mom and she always says that she knows her Mom is just on loan from God.

    The only thing I regret is that I did not buy the planter for that lady. I forgot that I had my credit card in my pocket. Older people are under so much pressure. They are lonely and bored and often live on fixed incomes which are rapidly shrinking in our economy. Even at my age, I worry about outliving my money. There are some wonderful communities here and they have a lot of activities for older people. These people are active and happy but it takes money and companionship. There are others who feel isolated and worry about their money.

    My Mom's best friend here just moved up to Maine to an assisted-living complex to be near family. I miss her so much. She was a lot of fun. She is happy there and her family visits, so that makes me feel better. I wish Mom could have lived long enough to see me heal; I was still pretty sick when she died. As I said, though, I know she sees me.

    Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms here.

    Love, Mikie
  10. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    My mommy has been gone a long, long time but sometimes I thyink I hear her voice calling my name. She was a loving mom and a wonderful grandmom to our 3 children. When she had surgery that I was told was terminal cancer, I sobbed all the 50 miles home. Then you realize how precious life is!!!!


    Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mothers. And ask God to give your mom a special angel for the day.

    Love to all of you,

  11. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    My Mom has Alzheimers. Last year she was in pretty good shape and enjoyed the day with us. We took her to a local nursery as we had for the past 5 or 6 years. She still lived at home alone and took care of a beautiful yard. Now she's in a wonderful assisted living place.

    She doesn't remember that now. She remembers me, but not my children. She remembers the house she moved from 40 years ago, but not the one she lived in for the next 30 years. She knows I'm married, not my husbands name, or where I live, or where I work.

    But with all the things she's forgotten there are so many things she remembers and so many things I will never forget.

    When I call her I tell her who it is so she doesn't have to ask. And while I talk to her she is happy. She won't remember I called, but I'll know she was happy while we talked.

    When I visit she is so happy to see me. It doesn't matter what we do or don't do she always tells me it was the best day she's had since she moved there. She won't remember I was there. I write everything down in her book for her so she knows who came and what we did, but she doesn't remember the book is there. But I do and I know she was happy while I was there.

    She won't remember she called me in a panic because she couldn't find her apartment key that she keeps on a stretchy bracelet on her wrist or her door knob so she always knows where it is. And she won't remember how we laughed when she called to tell me she found it pushed up to her elbow and hidden under her jacket sleeve.

    She won't remember that she called me to ask if I had children young enough for an Easter Egg hunt and then called back to see if I had grandchildren that young or that she called again to ask if I had children that young. But I will remember that she thought of me and my little ones, even though they are 30 and 23, when something was happening that she wanted to share.

    She doesn't remember that I gave her a memory foam pad for her bed, but she knows and I know that her bed is comfy.

    She won't remember losing her poodle calendar and that I found it on her wall or that we put her knitting needles in the dreser drawer. She won't remember that I took her to a carving show or carved a little bird with her or took her out for pie just because.

    There are so many things she won't remember. But I will. I will always remember.

    And in all the Mother's Days to come, if this is the last one she remembers or the last one we have, I will always remember.


  12. sisland

    sisland New Member

    A beautiful tribute to our Moms!,,,,,My Mom Alice Passed away 4 1/2 years ago of Alh. I still feel her around me alot and always attribute the sighting of Butterflies as her way of letting me know she's there!,,,,,,

    The Greatest love of my life along side my Girls,,,,,will be taking her flowers on Mothers day at the gravesite,,,,,,,,,Love to all Our Moms on their special day and all year long,,,,,,,,Thankyou Mikie for this Beautiful Reminder!,,,,,,,,,,,Sis
  13. Danille

    Danille New Member

    That is beautiful. I am one who will be seeing my mother in the cemetery on mothers day.

    The last 2 years of my moms life I took care of her. At her funeral my brother and sister apologized for not helping out. I replied that it was no problem, that I got to spend all that time with her. I will cherish the times that I had a 3 year old, a 5 year old, an awful husband who at least loved my mom, and my mom. I remember sitting on the floor beneath her wheelchair and she would play with my hair, many many evenings.It made me forget who was taking care of who. I felt as loved during those years as she did.

    Many of my friends have told me how much they always admired the way I took care of my mom. She was ill all of my life. I sat many days and nights at hospitals, started driving at 12 5o get her to medical care and run her errands when she was to sick. I snuck her favorite foods into hospitals as a teen. I guess I would rather of lost her to a good meal then to her failing heart. What no one seemed to see was that after losing my dad at 10 she was all I had left. I was given many reminders that she could die at any time. That is a gift that allows you to do what you would have only wished you would have done otherwise.

    My only regret is not taking her to KFC on the day of her death because I had to much going on that day so arranged to take her on the tomorrow that never came. That's not bad considering her and I had always taken care of each other.

    I'm not a huge fan of my husbands mother but we will still be seeing her. She gave him to me, I have to respect her.
  14. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    This is my 28th Mother's Day without my Mom. Every day is still Mom's day, because I remeber her in just about everything I do.

    I was 13 when she passed away suddenly of a heart attack. March 5, 1985. I was with her when it happened and I'm so glad I was.

    My dad was on a trip(truck driver). My brother was in the Army. If her heart attack had happened 2 minutes later, I would not have been there as I was getting ready to go to the bus stop.

    It would have devastated me to come home and find her dead and wondering if she had suffered.

    That first Mother's day was so hard. There was a tradition in my church. Those with mother's living wore a red corsage and those with deceased mother's wore white.

    That morning at church I could not stop crying, I was the only child there wearing a white rose, the other's all had red. It was just so visual, I'm crying now as I remember this.

    Every day for me is Mother's day. Even though she is not here, through the years, my relationship with her has grown.

    Instead of a childs perspective of things, I now understand her as an adult and am proud to claim her as my Mother.

    What a good thread, and now my eyes are nice and clean from being washed out really well!

    God Bless
  15. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    They have really touched my heart. My prayers go out to all who didn't have a Mother's love or who have lost their Mothers.

    I believe my Mom lets me know she is still watching over me. When she died suddenly of a massive heart attack, I was devastated. She was 92 but we all expected her to live to at least 100. My grief was profound.

    One of our lovely members here told me to visualize a beautiful white fluffy feather in the palm of my hand. I was to project all my sadness and grief onto the feather and then just blow on it and let the wind carry my sadness away. I tried it and it really helped me. It wasn't long before white fluffy feathers started showing up. Now, I live in FL so it isn't unusual to find feathers outside, but feathers started showing up where no feathers ought to be. When I'm sad or stressed, a little white fluffy feather will show up.

    I told my kids and my Mom's best friend, an elderly lady here, about the feathers. Before long, feathers started showing up for them too, even my ex-husband. My Mom loved him and he loved her. When little Andy was born, my daughter would find tiny white feathers in his hair when she took him out of his crib. There is nothing in his room with feathers.

    I once stopped over to Mom's best friend's condo to take her to lunch and we were talking about how much we missed Mom. When we went out, there was a huge white cloud, the only cloud in the sky, and it looked exactly like the fluffy feathers I had been getting. We just laughed and praised Mom for her excellent spiritual abilities. She is remembered and loved by so many.

    Love, Mikie