reply 16 yr old depressed daughter

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by minkanyrose, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    thank you all for your prayers and advice.

    She ran away about 2 hours ago, called the police since she is 16 and she went to her dad's there isn't much they can do. She is mad at me because I turn her dad in for all the abuse he does, and she wants to protect or rescue him.meds hadn't started working yet so know she isn't thinking right.

    I was given a choice by the officer to commit her or let her go with her dad and use tough love because it is the 4th time in a year she has done this. the officer said she will just run again so tough love may be best don't let her move in with you then back to dad then you etc. close the door and let her know you won't play the game anymore.

    i chose tough love because she has gone to counceling for 2 years and refuses to do what they say.

    With my own health so down right now it is best to just let her go. again thank you all I did read the advice and I will use it in the future should the occasion arise.
  2. Neicee99

    Neicee99 New Member

    that must have been the toughest decision in your life you have ever made but just know, that you did it for the right reasons. I wish you better health and prayers.

    Hugs
    Neicee (NH)
  3. Roseblossom

    Roseblossom Member

    Please don't give up on your daughter.

    The police officer who gave you the advice about using "tough love" is wrong - he seems to think that this is simply a power struggle between you.

    He's wrong. Abuse issues are too complex to dismiss them as "playing games". I hope you'll listen instead to the advice on your previous thread from your friends in here.

    Your daughter is confused and grieving, and could possibly even be in danger from her father. She may very well need to come home to you again to find a safe haven.

    When that happens, family counseling for the two of you and hopefully including your older daughter who is certainly affected by all this, will really help.

    Since it sounds like the counseling she's already gotten was not effective, it'd be good to find another, better therapist.

    Wishing you comfort and better days soon,

    Roseblossom

  4. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I didn't reply to this post the first time I read it, but since someone else has already broken ground here, I guess I can join in too.

    I agree with the other poster that this may not be the best thing for your daughter, and trust me, I do understand having problems and being sick yourself. I live it every day.

    But for me, it's more difficult because my daugher is of an adult age and I now can only wish I had MADE her see a psych doc when she was legally under my care. (I didn't feel like I could force her)

    But I didn't and each day she pays the price. As of May 2005 she has been in 5 psych wards and is now back living under my care. (as of March 2006)

    I just hope she'll agree to let hubby and I become her guardians again so we can continue her medical care. She doesn't have what it takes to keep a job with that kind of medical benefits. (She turns 21 in Aug and will lose her military ID card and benefits then)

    Each and every time your daughter "acts up" it's a cry for help. Teens don't act this way unless they're hurting deep inside and they don't have the skills to deal with it, although they may think they do. Trust me, they don't.

    She's testing you, possibly to see if you care enough to fight for her. Letting her stay with the man who abused you doesn't really make sense.


    I don't agree with the police telling you your only choices are to "commit her or let her go with her dad"....I just don't think he's right, legally or otherwise. (The world is full of choices if we just look for them)

    You can continue to bring that child home however many times it takes and continue to tell her that you'll do so "however many times it takes" because you love her and care about what happens to her.

    I understand that we're all doing the best that we can and dealing with everything we have on our plates. So I don't want you to feel beat up about this.

    Just do your best for today, tomorrow if you change your mind, do your best that day too.

    Many gentle hugs,

    Nancy B
  5. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    I WILL FIGHT. I WILL FIGHT!!!!!

    I have seen the out come of sll the others that have gone through this, and it isn't good.

    I think I will let her stay with her dad until devorce goes to court in Dec.1st. I go see my lawyer to day at 10 so I am going to ask what I can do.

    Tuesday My Lawyer told me to call the police in the town he lives in and report that he is driving with out a liscense. If he gets arrested it will be the 5th time in 5 years and will probably spend some jail time. I hope that happens so I get her back sooner.

    can't hink straight right now will keep you up dated. Thank you thank you!!!!!! I was feeling hopeless thank you for the hope again.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/15/2006]
  6. singingirl

    singingirl New Member

    Have you been able to talk with or see your daughter? I was just wondering how she is.
  7. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I'm new and just thought I'd say I can sympathize w you. I don't want to give advice, just support. Nothing is easy when your child is giving you heartache, I know the feeling all too well.

    Best of luck to you and your daughter.
  8. Loveyame

    Loveyame New Member

    I did the tough love route with my daughter. But I had her sent to a girl's home for a few days then we went to court.

    You can go to court and have the judge put her in foster care until the divorce is agreed upon.

    While in foster care she will be given counsiling.

    Whatever you choose to do you need to stick to your guns!

    good luck!
  9. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    But before you try it, read Dr. James Dobson's book about it. It tells you how to work it. He started the group Focus on the Family, and has helped thousands of people with a variety of problems...kids and adults.

    I pray your daughter comes around...in fact, I'm sure she will eventually. I did. I am now a 47 year old married woman, and I am doing very well. I have a good relationship with my Mom, who is now blind and I am her caregiver. (Dad passed away.)

    Good luck, and...

    God Bless