Resent spending all that time in bed

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nitalynn, Mar 9, 2003.

  1. nitalynn

    nitalynn New Member

    My husband has been on to me lately cause I don't want to take my pills and go to bed. It's just that I have to spend so much time sleeping so I can work. I am just in a bad mood lately.
  2. amilyne

    amilyne New Member

    hi nita..i can relate to what your saying..sometimes i will be in bed for so long and i feel so darned unproductive and it makes me crabby too...i feel like the laziest person most of the time..i work but even then i just want to be at home sleeping...but then i get home and dont want to sleep and feel like i need to do something and then i go through these phases of insomnia where i wish i could sleep...its so irritating to me that i can spend 10 hours in bed but im not getting restful sleep and ill wake up a gazillion times but just hurt so bad i dont want to get up so ill force my self to sleep some more and when i do get up ill be up for 12 hours or so and dread going back to bed..im sorry i rambled here but i know what you mean..sorry if this is a bit jumbled i have a humoungous fog over me tonight.
    --ami
  3. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi nitalynn~~I am 53, have had FM/CFS since I was 15, born with severe asthma/allergies & IBS, have advanced degenerative disc disease [ddd] with multiple back problems, osteo/psoriatic/rheumatoid arthritis, cluster of pinched nerves in neck/shoulder area, and nerve damage up and down my back from the ddd.

    I worked full time all my life till 1993 and was forced by my illnesses to go to work part time. I work 3 days a week, and it takes such a toll on me and my body. But, I am my sole financial support and have no choice but to work regardless of how I feel. I take narcotic pain meds in order to work and keep going, but they make me feel lethargic--so all day at work I am hustling around trying to cram 5 days work into 3 and fighting off the effects of the pain meds. By the end of my workweek {which is Thursday), I am so exhausted, in pain, worn out, weary, done-in, achy, and feel as though my whole body has collapsed that I am bedridden all day Friday & Saturday. I feel as though I can't even move.

    Yet, while trying to rest, regroup, and recover--I am looking around at all the housework that needs to be done, the errands that need to be ran, the shopping that has to be done, the piles of laundry needing to be washed, the floors that need to be mopped, the bathrooms/kitchen cleaned, the things that need to be picked up and organized, the calls I need to return, the stack of bills that need to be paid, and all of life's responsibilities glaring at me from every nook & corner. But, I just don't have the energy or stamina to tackle any of it until at least Sunday.

    And, then there is my mate who wants to go out and do something, go someplace, have some fun. And, I can't blame him for wanting to do something enjoyable, and I can't continually tell him no--that I'm too tired all the time because I can see how frustrating that gets for him. He isn't ill. He's ADD and full of hyper enery, wants to get out of here for a while. So, half the time I drag myself out of bed still exhausted, still in pain, and force myself to participate in activities that only worsen my condition. When, I tell him no--that I just cannot make it until Sunday, I see the disappointed look on his face, and then can't rest peacefully because I feel guilty. And all of the chores are still glaring at me.

    I missed work all last week due to being down with pneumonia, and since I work part-time I have no benefits. If I don't work--I don't get paid...so there are all the financial worries rolling around in my head. How can meet this month's bills on a paycheck and ahalf? Plus, I have no health insurance, and my medical expenses run me close to $600 a month.

    Yet, I desperately need Friday and Saturday to just rest, sleep, take care of myself, and rejuvenate. But, there is so much that needs to be done that I feel restless, anxious, and guilty for just "laying around".

    IF, I can make myself rest those two days, by Sunday I feel better and can get up around and start taking care of chores and getting things done. But, alas, I tire easily and my back starts hurting badly. So have to rest, get up an do a little, rest some more, do some more--like a jack-in-the-box all day long.

    The only time I feel "free" is late at night...my man is asleep; the chores are asleep; and no one is needing anything from me. At last the world is quiet, and though my body should be getting this much needed sleep~~my Soul cries out for this quiet time, these few hours of freedom and peace. Just a little uninterrupted, guilt-free time for myself. But I'll pay for it in the morning with lack of sleep and feeling tired and achy again.

    On Monday, I try and get all the necessary chores done, bills paid, errands ran, dinner cooked, and get to bed early as my workweek starts Tuesday morning--and I do it all over again. Am spent, in pain, and exhausted by Thursday evening.

    It often feels like a life that is passing me by. I hate to lay in bed Friday & Saturday, but my body will flare if I don't take care of it--give it a break. My man needs attention and wants to go, take off on Friday. Chores on Sunday; all the got-to's on Monday; back to work on Tuesday. And stealing those quiet moments from needed sleep in the wee hours of the morning to nurture my Soul. The only Time that really belongs to me--yet is stolen from sleep.

    At the age of almost 54, I wonder how much longer I can keep this up. My disc disease in my back is advancing rapidly, and I need surgery which I cannot afford--much less the year off work for recovery time. How would I support myself and all my Angels with Fur? How would I buy my meds...and the list goes on & on. And the FM/CFS is constantly there. The asthma attacks come and go. My man can't help financially; he is so in debt he is in the process of filing bankruptcy.

    Yes, I can relate so well to what you are saying. Only your man wants you to take your meds and go to bed--while my man wants me to take my meds so I can go, go, go. And all I want is some peace and a few hours without pain.

    I'm worn out now, my back is killing me, and I'm rambling. Take care of yourself, and try and find a balance that works for you. And, I will do the same. Blessings, Carol...
  4. Tattoopixie

    Tattoopixie New Member

    I can totally relate to this. I am not working any more so I just stay up til I am tired enough to fall asleep-sometimes I stay up all night, til my kids go to school the next morning. My sleep meds have stopped working so sometimes I sleep 10-16hrs (with waking up every hr & then going back to sleep). I have just gotten used to it. Someone on here told me 'it's okay to just survive' while you learn to deal w/this DD. So, I just do what I need to do to be the best I can be. I am sorry you are still having to work. When I worked I would go to be around 9pm every night because I could not function w/out 10hrs of my off/on sleep cycle. Then on the weekends I would sleep as much as I could & I resented it so much! Like not having any life at all! I hope things get better for you. Try to do fun things when you are up during the day-even if it's just coming here or visiting w/a friend. Feel better soon!
    ~ Pixie ~