Rough patch, support please?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hermitlady, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I posted this over on the depr board, but I then realized I should be here since there's more activity on this board....

    I need to vent. I won't go into the grisly details, but much chaos is happening at my house. One added stressor is that we have a house guest staying w us for "a month"...dh's half sister. Not something I really wanted to do, but you know how "family" stuff goes. We barely know her, but of course she called us when she needed a place to stay. She's 27 going on 15, if you catch my drift. And she brought her 3 dogs w her! STRESSFUL!

    I'm dealing w A LOT of bad thoughts, having a really hard time shutting them off. Bumped up my Prozac to see if it helps, it usually does after a few days. I'm afraid to let anyone know just how bad I'm feeling/thinking, don't want to end up in the hospital again.

    I can't tell my dh cuz there's a lot of stress going on between us right now. He'll just get more disgusted w me! He told me the other day that I was a bad example for our kids, and really hurt my feelings. Believe me, if I could, I'd change myself, but can never seem to make any significant changes that last very long.

    These dds have been ruling my life for 15 yrs and I am so exhausted and discouraged. I am going to be 50 in April, and don't want to think of spending another decade suffering like this. I won't put an end to myself due to the repercussions and hurt it would cause my family and friends, but come on, I need a break!!!

    I am so alone...can't talk to anyone around here and don't want to burden my sister over the phone like I usually do. Why can't I become stronger and fight? I just want to hide under the covers and be the hermitlady that I always am!

    Maybe if it was just the depr, but I'm also dealing w the CFS, FM and my dd's problems w autism, bipolar etc. She's been horrible to live w lately, but we just did a med adjustment so I have to give it a couple of wks to see if it helps her. In the mean time, I'm having a hard time not packing my bags and running away from home.

    My dh told me to "look in the mirror".....well, all I see are a zillion negative qualities. I even wrote down what I see in myself and there were only two positive traits (and 30 negative). I've lost the person I used to be and don't like who I am.... Altho, for 49 yrs, I've never liked myself and have had zero self esteem. Therapists have never really helped other than being able to vent to them. Wish something would change for the better, every day is torture living like this.

    Thanks for reading... I really could use some support. I don't like to whine, but sometimes I just have to! I'm sure a lot of you can understand. The stressful times like this always make me feel sooo much worse in every way...and it's suddenly cold and rainy here in So CA so my body is not very happy! Thanks again.....H
  2. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    Dear H.,
    Well you sure have a plate full!!!

    I have lived through some similar situations and to make a long story short it was Hell.

    I don't have any advice, except remember "this too shall pass" only it seems to take forever and we don't have forever.

    If I had it to do over again I would not take life so seriously[ even though it is serious] learn to laugh if it off.

    That would have saved me years of heart ache.
    I must admit that is easier said than done.

    Life gets easier, children grow up and away, the husband gets mellower[ I hope].

    I did everything in my power to make light of my situation and to laugh at myself.

    In the end life turned for me, the old enemies melted away and I am the winner.

    Nevermind the others, think of something wonderful about yourself.
    You are one great lady and stronger than you think.

    Take care and hugs from Denamay

    By the way it is 25 degrees below zero where I live, but the sun will shine again.
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    It's so hard if one doesn't have the emotional support of loved ones, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I would suggest you might find a therapist, given all the "new" problems caused by your SIL maybe a therapist could even explain some things to your dh? Or even your doctor, about how all this extra stress is not helping.

    Sorry that's not much advice, but. I do feel for you having to deal with her on top of everything else. Likely it's stressing everyone in the family as well as it sounds like everybody is out of sorts. Hope at least your SIL will be gone sooner than later.

    ((hugs)) Victoria
  4. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    That's one of my favorite sayings, but I haven't been using it lately. Thanks for the reminder!

    Sometimes life is just not that fun, as we all know. I would have never guessed that I would be living like's not all sunshine and lollipops is it?

    My dh is anti therapy, we've tried before and it wasn't his thing. He was actually forced into family therapy as a kid when his mom remarried a man w custody of his own 6 kids. Talk about turmoil, he's lived it. My dh is a great guy, and he's allowed to lose his cool sometimes. I am not a easy person to live w, too many complaints and illnesses. I don't blame him at all for getting upset w me. I always tell him he deserves a better wife and kids than I've given him....but he still loves us even if I don't love myself.

    Thank you guys for replying, any words help no matter how small. I really appreciate your support.....
  5. MamaT1967

    MamaT1967 New Member

    Hermitlady, I'm sorry you are having a rough time of it. I've had a rough couple of weeks myself, but I'm not here to hijack your post. I have a journal that I write positive quotes in and when I'm having a bad time I read it or look for new quotes to write in it. I don't know if this would help anybody else, but it's worth a try. Here are a few quotes that came to mind when I read your post:
    Never take life too seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway. Unknown
    If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill
    You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.
    Christopher Robin (Winnie The Pooh)
    It's not a lot, but I hope it helps some.
  6. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Hi there -

    I too am sorry to hear that you're feeling so down right now. I don't have any magic answers for you unfortunately but I can only offer my support and a few suggestions that may at some point help.

    Please stop telling your husband that he deserves better. That statement alone has a negative effect on your brain and reinforces how crappy you feel about yourself. I know I say this a lot but I truly believe in it - it really makes a difference in what we say to ourselves. In the beginning, it may seem fake and hard to do, but eventually you (and your mind) will start believing it. It works the same way that telling yourself negative does. Maybe even just one postive thing a day - everyday, the same thing you could start with. You can't let yourself be interrupted by saying "no", even though you'll be tempted. Just ONE positive thing everyday, several times a day.

    Regarding your daughter - how old is she now? I know you've check into some other living situations at some point didn't you? when she is 18, aren't there some group homes that she can go to? I'm sure you feel some guilt over that, but you absolutely shouldn't if you do. It would be good for her as well. She needs to learn the basic living skills to thrive in the outside world with other people AWAY from her parents.

    OH MY - COMPANY.... that would send anyone into STRESS MODE!! I couldn't do it! Give yourself a great big huge break on that one. AND she brought 3 dogs??? I hope that you, YOUR HUSBAND has set some boundaries with her and what you expect during her stay.

    Sometimes just venting can be extremely cathardic - so it's a therapist is good for that alone, than I'd still consider it. If you have no one to talk to, bottling it up can be too much of a burden to carry.

    NOT running takes a lot of courage. Remember you ARE strong. Look at what you're enduring!
    My goodness, pleeeease when you look in the mirror, look at the beautiful woman you are!

    Go to or google inspirational quotes. You will find some that I promise will give you some things to think about - even if for a brief moment.

    Get some fresh air when you can. Of course I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but if you can get outside for 10 minutes for some peace and quiet, do so. It does wonders for the mind and soul.

    I know these are little things, but sometimes little things can make a huge difference.

    Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. You deserve one!

  7. Heald

    Heald New Member


    I'm just reading your post, its been a while since I've been on the site. However, I wanted to check on you today because I can relate to a lot of your feelings. First of all, to live with Fibro, you are stronger than you realize. "Normal" people would not be able to handle it. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Please pick your battles and make sure you are at the top of the list. People try to understand our lot, but they just cant. I encourage you to make a list of things you would like to improve by priority and take your time no matter how long it takes and work on it.

    Make YOU a priority, then you can start to deal with the rest. Start maybe by reading something positive in the morning, or meditating, praying (if you believe), just something to start positive energy in the morning. If you havent been getting dressed, start there with at least one article of clothing thats different. Maybe some lip gloss. If you can, some fresh air even if its just to the corner and back. It will be a push, but you will be proud of yourself afterwards.

    If you can find a doctor that will explain your condition to your husband maybe it will help not to just hear it from you. Take your relationship back with him so that the two of you can make some decisions that will be helpful for the both of you to relieve some of the stress.

    I could go on and on, I just encourage you to start, and you will feel your help coming on. You are a strong woman to have endured thus far. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God!

  8. artyreader

    artyreader Member

    just to post this and reach out, when you have so much going on, both outside and inside (a lot on your plate!!! Even just ONE of the things currently happening in your family/life would severely test the HEALTHIEST, most 'laid back' person, let alone someone who deals daily, and for so long, with these debilitating conditions which make it hard for us to withstand even 'simple things', let alone all that you have going on right now!!)

    You have my admiration and support and empathy.

    My heart goes out to you. And I agree with earlier reply that you don't need to apologize or think that your husband is getting such a 'raw deal'--you did not ask for these health conditions, marriage is supposed to be 'in sickness and in health', and you have so much to give and are completely worthy of love, of all kinds.

    Yes, living with these frustrating, painful and misunderstood illnesses is hell on earth, a least some of the time, and for many of us, most of the time. Add to that the misunderstanding and disbelief of healthier people and the hurt when someone close to us doesn't 'get it' and it is a wonder that you keep on keeping on.

    I do not say "It will get better" because I don't know that. But I would say, if you can find someone who will JUST LISTEN TO YOU, LET YOU VENT, AND BE JUST SUPPORTIVE, I encourage you, if you can.

    It took a lot for you to reach out and post this. I want to acknowledge that and tell you I wish for you good things, at least one person in your life who really tries to put themselves in your shoes, and also, a realization of the loveliness of your soul (not that that will make all the outward very trying situations in your live immediately go away, but know that you have great worth as a human being, you deserve love and relief from all these stressors, and I wish you all the best)