Rules for the Pets

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sues1, Feb 12, 2007.

  1. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    PET RULES To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please Note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

    Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
    sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

    It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
    If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- Canine or feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
    butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit &Like to Complain About Our Pets:
    They live here. You don't. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

    I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
    Is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember, in many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids
    because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, normally come when called, never ask to drive the car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't have to buy the latest fashions, don't want to wear your clothes, don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

    And finally, if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

  2. cathugs

    cathugs New Member

    Hi Susan,
    What wonderful rules. For a minute I thought you were talking about my 'fur children".

    Mine are spoiled brats, but I wouldn't trade them
    for any thing.

    By the way, do you ever cough up a fur ball? LOL
    I also have a problem keeping "cat snot" off my french doors.

    Take care, {{{cathugs}}} a fellow animal lover.
  3. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    My dog turned 1 yr. old yesterday and can't read yet!

    She is spoiled, mischievous, and evidently has hearing problems. Everytime I say "come", I think she must mistakenly hear the word "run"!
  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    This is really cute. I have three cats and can relate to some of what you wrote. I especially love the part about kissing you before smelling eachother's butts and selling their children (although mine are all fixed). Isn't it amazing how one small cat can take up a whole bed? Now if you can just get them to read it!


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