sad,sad day

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 1horse, Oct 15, 2005.

  1. 1horse

    1horse New Member

    such a very sad day for me today. lost my wonderful dad 2 yrs ago today, and still miss him terribly. It will be hard today but I will get through it. just needed to tell someone how I am feeling thanks.
  2. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    I will not try and tell you I know how you must feel. I can only imagine, but I did want to let you know that my most heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to you on this very sad and difficult day. I hope you do not have to be alone today and have someone nearby to give you some much needed hugs and support. If not, please know that all of us really do care and are thinking of you and holding you close in our hearts.
  3. hdbubblehead

    hdbubblehead New Member

    and hope you will remember how much you are loved by him.
    maybe you can light a candle today and smile knowing you
    will be with him again one day.

    xx hd aka: georgette
  4. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    I can understand how you must be feeling. My dad passed away just 27 DAYS AGO, on September 18. I am just starting to sense the reality and the FINALITY of losing him.

    It sounds like you had a good relationship with your dad (calling him "my wonderful dad") ... how awesome. You are very very lucky, and he was lucky to have you!

    My father and I had a rocky relationship all of my life (that's putting it mildly) and especially for the past decade. He could be very judgemental and harsh. I always thought he didn't love me at all, and at times I actually hated him. I desperately wanted to be "Daddy's Little Girl" but I never ever was. I never felt my father's love that I wanted so badly.

    Dad had been sick for the past year (Parkinson's Disease) and taking care of him became a full-time exhausting job for my mom. So out of GUILT and a sense of obligation, I began spending more time with my folks this past summer (they live 3 hours away from me) to give my mom a much-needed break once in a while. To my surprise, I began to actually enjoy my time there, and our relationship took baby steps toward healing. In August I was with them for the weekend and my dad wasn't doing well ... I took him to the E.R. one evening and, well he never went home again.

    He was in and out of the hospital and a nursing home the last 44 days of his life. During those six weeks I spent every possible moment I could with him, sometimes spending more than 24 hours at a stretch at his bedside. He and I grew very close. Lots of "I love you's" were said and lots of hugs given. What a blessing. He was so very sick and very dependent, it was very hard to watch him deteriorate so quickly ... but although I hate that he had to suffer so, I wouldn't trade those 44 days for anything. I was loved, and I loved him back. It was an incredible 44 days. What a gift from God.

    When Dad passed, I focused on how great it was that God granted both he and I those 44 days. I felt a great peace about his death and the end of his suffering.

    But now, as the days have gone by, I've begun to feel "cheated" somehow, cheated and sad that we "wasted" 48 years, that I was deprived of that special father/daughter relationship all of my life. Why couldn't I have had that for MORE than 44 days??? I have also been consumed by regrets and guilt ... for my part in our rift. My heart has ached so much lately, with grief, sadness, guilt, and misery.

    I try to focus on the good ... 44 days of unconditional love. Many people don't ever get even that much. But my mind starts replaying the bad stuff and I find myself deep in a pit of guilt and despair. I don't know how to climb out right now. I cry all the time. I feel like I'm going crazy.

    I miss my dad so very much. I just want to see him one more time, to hug him again, to again wipe his brow and comfort him, to see his face light up when I walk in the room (oh how I'll always treasure that), to tell him one more time how much I love him. But this time I would tell him how sorry I am too, for everything.

    Sorry to get into this saga ... I didn't mean to butt into your thread like this. Today's a pretty rough day for me too. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face.

    I can only how much your heart must ache after two years of not seeing your sweet dad. Please know you are in my prayers.

    ((( hugs )))

    [This Message was Edited on 10/15/2005]
  5. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    I lost my Dad too, many years ago, but it is always with you. There will be sad times especially on anniversaries,

    May the angels be with you today.

  6. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    for your loss. He must have been a wonderful dad. I lost my dad when my baby son was three months old and he never got a chance to hold him because we lived out of state. We were making plans for that summer to get together.

    You are in my thoughts this sad day.
    Tender heart hugs,
  7. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I know what you are going through. Last month was the 4 year anniversary of my father's death. He died from renal failure due to diabetes. I still miss him horribly. His birthday would have been Sept. 25, just a few weeks ago--just one day before my son's birthday. He was my best friend. We both worked at the same company and rode together in a carpool for 25 years. We had a lot of close conversations in those rides to and from work. Oh, how I miss him.

    On Sept. 25, his birthday, I baked a pineapple upside down cake--his favorite, and invited my mother up to have dinner and cake with us--which meant a lot to my mother.

    Those special days/anniversaries are so hard to get through at first, as will the upcoming holidays, but it does get better in time--but you never forget them.

    We always celebrate our Christmas on Christmas Eve with my family, and on the way to my Mother's house, my family always stops by my Father's gravesite. I put a poinsetta on his grave and wish him a Merry Christmas.

    I know how it helps just to be able to talk with someone. I couldn't talk about my father without crying for the first two years.

    God bless you,
  8. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    This may sound strange but I am actually glad to see your post because I lost my Dad in 2001 and Mom left us in Feburary of this year and I have not been able to cope with either one. But there are a lot of people around me who think it is strange for me to "still", (there word not mine), grieve so deeply for them.

    So your post helps me to realize that it is okay to get so depressed over this and I'm not crazy, (there words agin).

    I was very close to my folks and to this day I will start crying in the middle of the day or just any time. We had Hospice for Mom and they stay in contact with the family of a loved one for a whole 2 years. So if they can see that people do take a long time to cope then you would think others would.

    I'm sorry that I can not give you any encouraging words or tell you with time it will get better because I have not learned how to move on.

    I will keep you in my prayers,
  9. 1horse

    1horse New Member

    this means a lot to me. I really appreciate all your caring. I dont think you ever get over the loss of your folks,(I still have my Mom,who is my best friend also) and I was also able to help my mom care for my dad. Im the oldest girl and retired so I just moved in with her for the last few months. Before that I was over there every day. The Lord allowed me to help take care of my dad and be supportive of mom. Again thank you all .~hugs~ Peggy
  10. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    1990 and my mom in 1997. I will miss and cry for them the rest of my life!
    Hugsss!! Bambi
  11. Jgavi

    Jgavi New Member

    I never knew how much life could change when you lose a parent-

    Its been two years for you and as you can see with everyone's response we all still hurt and miss them so.

    I tell everyone who has their parents still around to make an extra effort to make their day special- i was lucky i had a great relationship with my parents- from parents to best when they passed away i died a bit also.

    Your feelings are normal and as long as you can remember the great times and love they gave you it makes it a bit easier. I dont believe in closure, its to final and i know we will see them again.
    I hate being an orphan!
  12. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    My dad was my best friend. I lost him 20 years ago, to cancer. Not a day goes by I don't think of him in some way. I don't think we ever get over it, we just learn to go on. I know how you must be feeling right now, and I send you my heartfelt sympathies.

  13. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    not for long. I am so sorry your day is gone, and although I don't understand yet, I'm going to very soon. I talk as much as I can to him, and visit (lives a long way away), but he will be gone probably early next year.

    My sympathy. I hope you can survive the day and hope that tomorrow you will have taken another step toward healing.

  14. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    I had that problem back in August. It was 20 years since my Dad died, and it never seems to get any better for me.

    I was Daddy's princess.

    Just know he's watching over you.
  15. 1horse

    1horse New Member

  16. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    I lost my dad in 1984, on 10/24. He just died of sudden death. He also had what I am 99% sure was FMS. He never got real relief from it. I wish he was alive now so he could be on the newer meds and not be as miserable as he was.

    Sorry for the loss of your dad. I know how it feels.

  17. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so sorry for your losing your Dad and I know how long it takes for healing. Some things one never gets over and I believe the death of a parent is one of them. It does get better with time, but birthdays and the anniversary of the death can bring on grieving again. God bless you and comfort you.

    Love, Mikie
  18. JerseySue

    JerseySue New Member

    that you lost your dad. Anniversaries are a tough thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you,
    Gentle Hugs Sue
  19. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I know that yesterday was a hard day for you.No matter how long it has been it still hurts.My husband lost his mother Oct. the 6th 16 yrs. ago and he still mourns for his mother especially on that day.Sounds like you had a very special dad.I hope that today is a little easier for you.