Same old stuff....

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by getridof, Mar 27, 2007.

  1. getridof

    getridof New Member

    It's now 2:30am in the morning. I am being attacked by my fear again.It's been torturing me for hours since I go to bed. I tried to stay calm, and prayed...of course it didn't work as usual. Then i took out the last pill of Xanax (I saved it for "emergency"). Then the pill dropped to the floor and I could not find it again. I knelt down and crawled on the floor to search for it like a dog/a beggar. I couldn't find it.......

    Flashbacks of bad memories came and I started to wonder, how long do I have to stay in this situation?? I've been facing (or running away) from this nightmare for almost 13 years. What is the meaning of my life? I don't want to give up but everytime I keep experiencing these involuntary torture, I feel worse than helpless and horror.

    I post this message on Worship board and Depression board. I hope to get some spiritual and practical advices from you. Or anyone can share experience would be appreciated.
  2. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    I was thinking about you a few days ago and wondered how you are doing. From this post it doesn't sound too good right now. That was earlier today...are you feeling any better now? Fear is a terrible feeling that robs us of so much. I've heard preachers say that fear is NOT of the Lord. Just a thought...maybe God caused you to drop that last pill to put you in that position to make you think. God loves us soooo much that he finds ways to pull us toward him. Some of those ways can be really strange. He almost killed me several years ago. It was wonderful, amazing and life changing.

    When I have fear I try to feel God's presence in the darkness of that fear. I reach for him because he says he will always be there. He is only a prayer away from you at any time.

    Have you looked into what you can do with all that talent you have? Even if it seems like crazy ideas, God may have a reason to give them to you so go with it. There are so many avenues now for artists to work out of their homes.

    You take care and let me know how you're doing..OK.
  3. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Thank you for your kind message. I don't know how to express myself now. After such a long time, I think God wants to put me in this situation according to his plan. He wants me to live with it (maybe forever). He wants me to grow up spiritually. Please pray for me to GET USED to this situation and to strengthen my body to endure those physical problems. And pray for me to understand the final answer is a positive one...
  4. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    By the way....I love your new picture. The person looked very empowered, almost as if he could take over the world. You know can you!!!

    I believe that nothing happens to us by accident, I feel like it's all (good and bad) part of a plan that is beyond our comprehension. You may be going through what you are now, because God is going to use you for his glory later by having you help someone else w/ the same problem.

    Don't you just hate when someone who has never been through the crap that you have can sit back and tell you what to do or diagnose you. Sometimes I just want to slap people who feel they can do that. It's so irritating. God's solution is to bring along beside us someone who has been through the same things and gotten through them or learned better how to deal with them. This board represents that a lot for me. Getting to know people who share something/anything makes life a little easier.

    Take care and keep at it. Let me know how you're doing OK!
    Love Ya
  5. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Hi Nancy, for the picture of my profile, the original idea was I wanted to draw a guy(is that me? I don't know) sitting quietly there and watching the sunset and thinking about his life. Then I changed my mind.I drew a guy whose posture is like ROCKY BALBOA. Maybe this represents some kind of hope...I'm not sure.

    Hi there Sweetpotatoe, thank you for writing me a message. I still read the book "The Purpose Driven Life". I admit some of the chapters can help but at the same time some of them still make me a little bit confused and anxious. I think I can understand your suggestions. I'm trying hard to learn. Thank you for your prayer.

    Wish everyone a good day.
  6. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I replied to your post on the Depression board, but in case you missed it, want to let you know that I am going to be praying for you daily now.

    As for Fear, I am going to write out an email I received from a friend from this board over a year ago, it may help you understand Fear like it did for me, here it is:
    'I know that you are doing all that you know how, and you're so loyal to God when the sky seems as brass. God knows, and cares, and loves you.

    I guess the focus of this letter is to show you some ways to help you fight and take back God's Peace in your life in this attack from the enemy.

    This is a hard saying, I know, but...FEAR, anxiety, stress are contrary to God's Way.

    It destroys us at every level.

    Jeasus said oer and over to people in crisis;'FEAR NOT'.. FEAR NOT, FEAR Not!

    Know why??
    Because Faith and Fear cannot co-exist. Fear is an Enemy of Faith.

    (In the Bible as a whole God says 'Fear not' 365 times).

    It took me awhile to accept that abiding in Fear might well be a sin.
    That IS a hard saying but when I did accept this fact and started dealing with it as such, I began to experience more and more peace and rest and Trust.

    If you also come to this realization Please Don't feel Condemnation about it.

    Most of us Christians never though of Fear that way...
    You've probably been through enough of satan's False self-blame, false-guilt, etc. already.

    Jesus never condemed anyone for Fear. He admonished them to "fear not" because He loved them and didn't want anything to stand in the way of their miracle.

    Neither does He condemn us, nor does the Holy Spirit.
    Condemnation and guilt are from 'satan/and his demons'...'the accuser of the brethern'. '


    This email has helped me so much when I get to fearing for what my life is going to be like from now on and into the future.

    I keep it in my Bible, and when things get really bad, I take it out and read this man's wise words. I hope it helps you as much or more than its helped me when I am really down on my life.

    Take care of yourself, and know that you are being prayed for and most of all that the Lord loves you and will help you in your time of need.

    God's many blessings for you...........

    Shalom, Shirl
  7. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Thank you for that. I'll keep your message in mind. And I'll pray for everyone as well.
  8. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Thank you for your prayer and encouragement.

    I still haven't got any more Xanax. I'll try to figure the way out to get it.

    Thank you all again and I thank my Lord that he gave me inspiration to join this site.