saw my sister today,she`s against painkillers-doesn`t have a clue

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nje, Jun 7, 2003.

  1. nje

    nje New Member

    everytime you think you`re going to have a good day,someone or something spoils it. i had a rare good day today,so my husband drove me the 40 miles to see her since i don`t drive much anymore. i was asking her what should i take for this constipation that i`ve had for months now,i have to take a laxative to go anymore. i use to never have that problem. well glory if she didn`t up and say "if you`d get off those painkillers you`re on you wouldn`t be constipated. she said," i wouldn`t take anything that made me so constipated i had to take a laxative all the time."well if that didn`t make smoke come from my nostrils,i don`t know what else could. i looked her square in the face,room full of people,and said,well i can see right now you`re just like all those people we talk about on the fibro message board, you think i`m a druggie,and furthermore if you ever had half the pain i`ve had with this stuff,you`d take anything to get it to stop,i don`t care if you didn`t s--- again in your lifetime. well she looked at me and immediately changed the subject,but i am still steaming about it. i love my sister,shes normally a sweet person, but she won`t hardly take an aspirin,well she don`t have fibro either. the point i`m trying to make,is; if your own family,sister,brother,whatever doesn`t believe you hurt like you say, then how can we expect doctors too? i`m so down tonight,and i started the day off feeling ok, not perfect, but ok. she didn`t mean to i know,but she just as well as spit in my face as to say what she did. anybody else get this grief from their family? now my husband,he`s pretty much getting real with this stuff,he sees how i suffer,he`s not the problem,but my sister and my 2 brothers are both against taking painkillers at all. so i know who got all the pain in this family, meeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! both my parents are dead,guess i`ll be joining them next. well i had to let off some steam,it helps to write it down and maybe someone will connect with it.nje
  2. kar1953

    kar1953 New Member

    You know, I can just imagine how steamed you are. You mentioned that your husband understands because he sees how you suffer. The sad truth is that our immediate families are truly the only ones who see how much & how often we suffer.

    My sister has fibro too, so she understands. Before I got full blown fibro, I didn't understand what she went through on an almost daily basis. I knew she hurt all the time & was just trying to get through each day as they came. I know I felt her pain, but still didn't know exactly how bad it was.

    Now I live her life. No one else in our family understands except maybe our dad - he lives every day in severe pain. Most of the time none even asks how we are doing & when they do ask I just say I'm doing great. No sense in saying more - they just don't get it.

    It doesn't mean they don't love us or we don't love them. I really feel that the only way one can understand this DD is to live with it. No amount of education can help someone feel what we feel. They can understand the whys & hows of the disease, but not the pain.

    Sorry for rambling, but I do understand. No one in my family has ever said anything like that to me, but I still understand where you're coming from.

    Hope you have a great day tomorrow & can enjoy each minute. You deserve it!!

    Take care........Kathi
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Well I can't help with your family, but I can help the constipation!

    Get some; 'Natural Calm' by Natural Vitality, it is Magnesium Citate in powered form. You add a teaspoon to hot water, it will fizz like an Alka Seltzer, and it tastes like it too. Let is cool and then sip it.

    You should have a bowel movement over night. It works great and no cramping etc.

    Most health food stores carry it. But not GNC.

    Try to just let it go with your anger with your sister, you are only stressing yourself, not bothering her much I am sure.

    She will probably call and say she is sorry later.

    You take care............

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    It's easy for someone to say they wouldn't take the pills if they aren't suffering.
    While what she said is true for many people, (the pain meds causing constipation) , people just don't think when they speak.
    I know it hurts .

    Honestly, there isn't anyone on this earth besides my mom (and Dr.) that know how much pain medicine I take and most people don't know I take any. . I keep those things to myself.
    I know with sisters you tend to want to talk . I don't have a sister, but do have a brother and he has no idea I take pain medicine every day. Maybe this is a subject better left not talked about with them.
    Other than that the only thing I can think of is to say to them you don't know what you would do unless you are in pain everyday like I am.

    Hang in there !
  5. Meerkat60

    Meerkat60 New Member

    I am so sorry that happened to you. It makes me so angry when people act like that. My mother is somewhat like that. She will hardly take any pain medicine even though she can hardly walk from arthritis. I simply don't understand that kind of thinking. She has asthma too and she doesn't have any problem taking medicine for that. It's like pain is not a legitmate reason to take medication. What the he-- is that all about? I've seen stories where terminal cancer patients refused pain medicine because they didn't want to become addicted. It's really very sad. Medicine is taken to alleviate symptoms. I take my asthma medicine so I don't cough and my airway doesn't spasm and try to close down. I take pain medicine so I won't be in terrible pain (although nothing relieves the pain entirely). It's the same thing.

    When I first got FM my son was very supportive but he really didn't understand a lot of it. Unfortunately, he understands now because he also has FM as well as CFS. When he found out what he had he looked at me and said, "Now I see what you were talking about." I wish so much that he didn't have it but at least we can support each other. I'm glad your husband is trying to be supportive. Maybe your sister and brothers will become enlightened. Have you sent them copies of articles about FM?

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Maybe something good will happen to make up for today.

  6. sujay

    sujay New Member

    Sorry you're having a hard time with your family. You'll get a lot of sympathy here on this board. These are really hard mocassins to walk in, and most people would rather ignore someone else's discomfort.

    Remember, though, that it is also hard for someone who loves you to deal with your pain, especially when they don't know how to make it go away. That's not an excuse for their behavior, just a reminder of where they're coming from.

    I tried to get a little encouragement from my parents the other day. I just wanted some support from them because I was working so hard to try to improve his health; my mom basically accused me of trying to turn him into a hypochondriac. (Now that's a good idea, especially because he's going to be a teenager in a few more months.) Oh, well, another reminder of what THEY have trouble dealing with.

    By the way, Shirl is right about the magnesium. Just about any kind seems to work; just be careful not to take too much the first time. Hope you feel better soon.

    Love, Sujay
  7. Lynda B.

    Lynda B. New Member

    ...easy to digest about the true effects of chronic pain and pain killers. I asked them to read the material first, and then talk with me. All were overwhelmed by what they did not know and were apologetic once they are seen what doctor's had written and I also used articles from the Fibromyalgia Network Newsletter that explained pain and the use of pain killers in an easily readable and easy to understand manner.

    Just a thought. It worked for me. I don't know about you.
    I wish you all the best and am saddened knowing how much this probobly hurts you heart when treated this way.

    Lynda B.
  8. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    I have had a interesting situation with painkillers. My mother has been on heavy narcotics for the past 7 years. She is in remission from breast cancer, has MS, FMS, Silicone Poisoning, and DDD. I had a very hard time believing her totally. She has a past addiction problem with cocaine. Well, about 3 years ago, I developed Chronic Pelvic Pain, and had to take Ultram on a pretty regular basis. And in the past 8 months, I developed FMS, which led me to taking stronger narcotics on a regular basis. I could not fully understand how real her pain was until I went through it myself. No one really can. No matter how much they love you or sympathize with you.

    I don't think that your sister should have said that to you. But sometimes they don't know how else to address their concerns besides just spilling it out at inappropriate times. She just does not understand. That's what it comes down to. And you can't expect her to. Mabye you should have a heart to heart with her about how you both feel. Sisters are very important. I know that mine are my best friends. Good luck to you, and keep us posted!

    Lots of Love,