Searching for someone who understands, someone to talk to please

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KitKat, Sep 22, 2002.

  1. KitKat

    KitKat New Member

    Hi, this is my first time here. I am battling fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, diabetes, chemical sensitivity, chronic candida. I am a single mom with 3 great kids. They are teenagers now and they help me so much, but I feel so guilty, I know I should be doing more. I have a terrible "brain fog". I have developed a slight "stutter", which is totalling frustrating. I am scared all the time. I cry alone. I put on a "happy face" around friends and family as much as possible, but many times I am cannot even get out of bed. Then, sometimes I feel alittle better and try to get things done, then, I am back in bed, sometimes for days. When I talk on the phone I try to sound upbeat, but it exhausts me. Just sitting here typing is tiring, but I can type better than I can write. I used to have nice handwriting, now it looks terrible. I used to be happy, outgoing and talkative. Now, even when I feel Ok, I avoid people because of the stuttering, the fact that I can't work. I am rambling on here. Guess I just would like to have someone who understands all this. Anyone, please, talk to me. thank you, Kitkat
  2. KitKat

    KitKat New Member

    Hi, this is my first time here. I am battling fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, diabetes, chemical sensitivity, chronic candida. I am a single mom with 3 great kids. They are teenagers now and they help me so much, but I feel so guilty, I know I should be doing more. I have a terrible "brain fog". I have developed a slight "stutter", which is totalling frustrating. I am scared all the time. I cry alone. I put on a "happy face" around friends and family as much as possible, but many times I am cannot even get out of bed. Then, sometimes I feel alittle better and try to get things done, then, I am back in bed, sometimes for days. When I talk on the phone I try to sound upbeat, but it exhausts me. Just sitting here typing is tiring, but I can type better than I can write. I used to have nice handwriting, now it looks terrible. I used to be happy, outgoing and talkative. Now, even when I feel Ok, I avoid people because of the stuttering, the fact that I can't work. I am rambling on here. Guess I just would like to have someone who understands all this. Anyone, please, talk to me. thank you, Kitkat
  3. clueless

    clueless New Member

    You certainly" have your plateful" as they say. I only have fibro. but the intense burning,vibrating type pain is so very hard to tolerate.With other problems added I can imagine how you would get feeling down.There are a lot of folks on this board who will come on later to give you some uplifting thoughts and comfort. The week-ends are slow. I just wanted to welcome you and give you BIG ((((HUG))))and let you know I understand at least part of what you are going thru.
  4. motg

    motg New Member

    I know how you feal I to try to put on a happy face because some people don't seem to understan this stuff. It is hard seeing our kids do work that we feal we should do, but I am sure that they understand and don't feal bad. I have a teenager and a younger child. Sometimes my teenager has to help take care of her brother and do a lot of the house work. I ask her about it. She told me that I took care of her when she was sick growing up and she is happy to help me out. If you want to talk I found that this is a good place to go or the chat board here is also good.
    Barb
  5. selma

    selma New Member

    Welcome to the board Kitkat. Sorry can't write more now but here it's 11:30pm and I need to sleep. Hope that you get sleep too(important).


    Love, Selma
    [This Message was Edited on 09/22/2002]
  6. diggity

    diggity New Member

    God Bless You, what an awful load you are having to carry. I have FM, sjogrens syndrome, and CFS. So far that's all I know about, but it is most certainly more than enough for me. LOL I have four children, all teens, but I am not single, so I do have help from my husband also. I know just how you are feeling. After being Mom and caretaker for so long, it's hard to sit back and watch someone else do "our" jobs. I haven't conquered those feelings yet either, so I can't give you any insight as to how it can be done. What I can tell you is this, you have found a place here with more compassion and caring than any other place that I know of, and when you are feeling down and hopeless, there are folks on here who will listen and lift you up. It doesn't end all your problems, but I can promise you, it will make them a little more bearable. We all need validation (I think), and it is an energizer for me just to have someone say "I understand". Hang tight Kitkat, and know that if you need to talk, I'll be more than happy to listen and commiserate with you. Hope that helps a little. :eek:)
  7. Rene

    Rene New Member

    I don't know what your going through except for the CFS as I don't have kids or friends anymore but- I would call your advise nurse or who ever about the stuttering if its out of the blue. that happened to me (heavy stuttering) and they called me in right away for a MRI. I didn't have a tumor and the stuttering only lasted 6 weeks.
    Rene
  8. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Welcome to the board. You have come to the right place for support. The first thing I would recommend you do is drop the word "should" from your vocabulary. You are not the person you used to be and as long as you try to pretend you are you will just wear yourself out doing so.

    It's hard to accept the changes that these syndromes bring with them, but until we do we are hurting ourselves more than we are helping. Instead of worrying about doing more for your kids be glad they are old enough that they can help out.

    I also have three kids, just a bit older than yours. Mine are 20, 23, and 26. It was hard on othem when I was first diagnosed last winter, but now they are doing better with accepting the new me and the changes that has brought. Only one is embarrased to see me use my scooter or an electric cart at stores.

    There are so many things to read here at this site that you can keep yourself busy for days, weeks, who knows, maybe months. Not only do we have the posts we also have a good library. If you can't find it there there is often someone else who is experiencing what you are who can give you some answers or point you in the right direction to find some.

    So come here and read and write when you are up to it. And learn to take care of yourself by putting yourself first.

    Barbara
  9. Nana2Andromeda

    Nana2Andromeda New Member

    Hi Kitkat,
    I know how you feel....I have fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and diabetes. I too have terrible "brain fog". And I feel guilty too. I use to a this real organized person, everthing had to be perfect, but these days I pray I get thru the day with very little pain....or even a out of control blood sugar reading. I just get so tried....taking so much medication each and every day. We have to take one day at time is what my husband tells me. I have no kids here at home, just a husband and a dog. I do have one son who is 29 years old, he is in Army, living in Texas and I have a granddaughter name Andromeda JoAnn.
    Just hang in there and you can e-mail anytime you want if you need to talk....Nana2Andromeda@aol.com
    If you have a problem with the e-mail address, just let me know here on this site....I had to block some areas of e-mails because someone kept sending me porn/junk mail and AOL told me how I could put a stop to that. Anyway....I know it is hard, just take one day at a time. You will be in my thoughts. I am leaving in the morning for Texas for a court hearing coming up.....I am fighting my ex daughter-in-law for my grandparent rights, but once I get to my son's home I will be back here to see how evryone is doing and giving everyone an update on my case.

    BIG BIG HUGS......Donna
  10. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Kitkat,
    I too am new here, but I have found this is a place where people to understand! We may not all be suffering from the same illnesses, ot have the same family types, but I really believe of all the places and people who I have tried to speak to, everyone here feels what we all feel. (((((((((((((((Hugs to you))))))))) I wish I could help you out, I know these are only words, but you are not alone. This is the place to write when you need to talk.
    Sometimes I just read the posts and I know I am not alone.
    Please hang in there, try to let the the guilt slide (easy for me to say huh?) Your kids love you and even tho it feels like things will never get better, there will be a time when things do look brighter.
    See your doctor about your stutter, maybe he can help?
    Hugs again
    Denise
  11. herblady

    herblady New Member

    does the name honeychild mean anything to you? cindi
  12. herblady

    herblady New Member

    bumpety bump!
  13. ladydi

    ladydi New Member

    Welcome Kitkat.
    You've already made the first step in helping yourself.
    Talking about it really helps. You didn't mention if you
    have a good doc. But, if you do ask him to help you with
    your anxiety, ect. That is one of the scariest things I've
    ever experienced. When I get anxious, I come strait to the
    board and just read for a while. I did read your post
    yesterday. I really thought about it for a long time too.
    I tried to think back on how it was at my worst, but then
    realized, I'm at my worst. Thats why I didn't reply first.
    I knew you would get alot of good advice, and then this
    morning I could'nt stant not responding. You were in my
    thoughts. I hope by the time you read this you will feel
    that you are loved by many people. Never forget that
    there's always a place to share your feelings. Good or Bad
    I'm hoping you will find strength and peace day by day.
    Always keep reading the post and learning as much as you
    can. There are so many people here who can help us all.
    You've Got A Friend.
    LadyDi
  14. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    and you will have plenty of emotional support and genuine concern here. In the process, you may just learn some things that will help~~I have!
    Love to you!
    Kady
  15. LouiseO

    LouiseO New Member

    It's very nice to meet you. Any time you want come on by.
    Here is a GREAT BIG WELCOME.

    Luv Ya, Louise xoxoxo
  16. kareve

    kareve New Member

    Many friends and family members try to understand my fibro and i give them computer printouts from different sites... they still don't get it. In away I am glad they don't get it... that means they don't suffer with this
    @#$% ailment. Only people that have it can relate to what you are feeling and the way you think. I work full time so any energy I do have is used up there... when I come home I turn off the phones and stare at the tube. I too was very outgoing but everyday it gets alittle harder. I am also a single Mom but my 2 boys (men) are grown and out of the house. Most teens are real hard.. but it sounds like you did a real good job with them and they are very caring and helpful to you. Just be yourself kitkat and forget the happy face... just use it on days when it's genuine. I hope you feel better soon. karen
    [This Message was Edited on 09/29/2002]
  17. kitkat623

    kitkat623 New Member

    I see we are both fond of felines, and perhaps share a liking for the same cany bar! So sorry to read that you are feeling unwell, and I hope to soon see that you are feeling better. You have certainly come to the right place for warm and caring support. Best wishes, Kathy
  18. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    Kitkat, I can relate to alot of what you are saying. I suspect I have CFS (not been diagnosed yet but have all the symptoms), psuedo tumor cerebri, FM, depression, chronic sinussitis, anxiety, among a few others I can't all remeber now (memory problems being a biggy. I have a wonderful husband, no kids though. I work as a dog groomer full time, sculpt and groom at home part time. I know the physical pain is a big problem, but what I am getting from you is more toward the emotional side. The depression will sufocate you. I know it has nearly smothered me several times. It is the most horrific feeling of doom that you could possibly encounter. I withdrew, into a shell. I normally was a happy go lucky person, my mom was (and is) my best friend, but at the lowest point of the depression I did not want to see her or anyone, I wished the world wuold have just let me alone. I wanted to sleep it away. I did not have the desire or the physical energy to take a shower and would not for 2 or 3 days. I did not have an ounce of happiness or a smile left in me. I I would literally have chest pains and could not breathe (anxiety attacks). And would cry unstopping for hours at nothing or everything. I have been there several times. I always have a fear it will come back. I think once you experience such darkness it is scary to think it may happen again.
    Can you reach out to a family member or pastor or do you have a good Dr you can really trust for some counseling? Remeber, please no matter how low you get, it will always get better. Please don't do something stupid to yourself you have 3 beautiful children who need you. That said and out of the way, Are you taking any anitdepressants? I currently take Zoloft. I have really found that typing my feelings on this discussion group has helped me. Just getting them out of your mind spilling it to someone else helps a great deal. Even if it may offend someone, don't worry, don't hold it in, it will eat at you. Spew, vent, fuss, preach, b--th, cry, sling snot, just let it out. It does help. Having to put on a happy face all the time to keep up airs will do nothing but give you ulcers. If you would like to talk let me know and I will email you privately or email me at threep00dles@yahoo.com.
  19. witsend

    witsend New Member

    I am new to the boards also and as I am skimming through I had to reply to you and let you know I feel for you and go through the some of the same things. I hope you are having your newly aquired stuttering problem evalutated by neurologist. It may even have something to do with medications you might be taking. This seems like a good place to come and I hope you stay in touch with people that can give you some support through these difficult times. And don't feel guilty about the kids helping out. Studies actually show that kids that help out more during the formative years turn into happier adults. You are teaching them in just another way what family is all about.
  20. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I am pretty new here, too, but I've already found people here really care & offer helpful suggestions and will just "be there" for you. I just suffer from FMS, at least that's my only dx, but can tell you I've had some very strange neurological symptoms from day one with this, in fact they preceded the painful symptoms by many months. I've had every MRI, spinal tap, nerve studies, etc. to rule out stuff, but while I've never had stuttering, I've had strange facial & body twitching, burning or cold patches of skin, strange "buzzing" feelings--all stuff that is neurological in nature, many come & go, & my anxiety over these quirky symptoms enivitably makes them worse before they get better. Your stuttering may be a passing thing. (Someone mentioned seeing a good doc for MRI, etc. which sounds like good advice to rule out other stuff anyway). My biggest problem is trying to have a positive attitude while going thru scary, quirky symptom flares, and I honestly have no good advice on that-- I battle that demon on an ongoing basis! Do you have a therapist who specializes in clients with chronic illness to talk to? That has helped me some, also massage to relax if you can get one... good luck & maybe the stuttering will just pass... People here will pray for & be pulling for you, Kitkat!!

    Pam