serious effect on marrige, due to me cutting way back on work

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dolfenn43, Jun 7, 2006.

  1. dolfenn43

    dolfenn43 New Member

    Ive been working in a medical office as a medical assistant for yrs. Ive been diagonised with fibro for 5 yrs. And as of the last 6 months severe low back pain.

    Ive been tring to discuss with my husband for months, that Im having a hard time working my job with the pain I deal with. And my memory is terrible and I feel so stupid when I cant remember things I could do in my sleep B-4 this illness.

    Yesterday I finally told my Boss "cant do it anymore" but I did feel I could do things at the office that Id be good at. He was very understanding. Wants to keep me working in the lab .
    This means 15-20 hours, tops per wk. No Insurance!

    My husband thinks I should keep my hours. So I can get the excerzise sp? I need to make me better. Come home to house work, etc.Thats what he thinks. And boils down to he doesnt want to take care of me. With me making much less money. Whats wrong my husband! Hes not a man that cares and wants to help his wife. He sees me as a broken down person. Im 45.

    I know Im probably not making much since. But Im so confused. I felt such a weight off me cutting my hours. But when at home theres stress and worry that he cares more about $ and his wife being out of shape than my tring to be a better person by not feeling so over loaded with pain, stress, dr. appts etc,

    by the way he does make enough money so I could cut back on work


    Im so upset I feel like leaving. Hes put out cuz Hell have to Insure me at his work 300$ a month.
  2. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I am going thru the same thing. It used to be that the man earned the living while the woman stayed home & "worked". Now we do it all. Maybe that is why so many women get this DD!

    Take care of yourself, no one else will. Hugs, Tam
  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    When the road gets rough you know for sure if someone is really there for you. I can't advice or give my opinion, I believe your own instinct and common sense will tell you about this situation with your husband.

    You are doing things for yourself and your own well being, he should support you in this, at least that's what I thought marriage was about.

    Please keep us updated on your situation, and like the previous poster said, "nobody will take care of you but you".
  4. azbubba

    azbubba New Member

    ...that your spouse doesn't seem to understand what's going on with you.

    When my ex-wife came down with a mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder), I did everything I could to find out more about I could support her, how I could help myself, etc. It ended only after she started seeing other guys.

    There are a lot of people that praise me today for my faithfulness, and what I did to support my ex. However, I don't believe it deserves praise. I feel I did the <b>minimum amount of effort required</b> to honor the commitment I made to her when I married her.

    I'm saying this because as a man, I feel strongly that participants in a marriage need to understand that it's not always going to be easy, and life isn't fair. Hubby needs to realize that his wife is ill, and just because he can't see it doesn't mean it ain't there. It's time to man up, Nancy, and accept the role that you took when you married this woman.

    If the above seems too harsh to you, dolfenn, disregard it, and accept this hug ((((dolfenn)))) from Bubba instead.
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    most women didn't work. Not outside the home anyway. The revolution to get equal pay for women sounded like a good idea, but most men still get paid more. Worse, middle class families need two incomes to pay the mortgage and there's nobody home to watch the kids.

    And, medical care wasn't so good as now, but it was affordable. The dr. charged $3 for a house call and the prescription cost $1.79 to fill.

    And you could buy a house for $10,000 or a new one for under $20,000. Of course people didn't make as much but the rising income has not kept pace with the rising cost of house.

    And people stayed married. Possibly because expectations were more realistic and less romantic.

    Just some passing observations from an old man.
  6. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    Sorry that you are having a problem(s). It seems to me that the main issue for you should be to slow down and have a life with less work and stress. I don't understand why you would not be an worthy candidate for help from Soc. Security?? Suggest if you haven't to apply for some financial help thru SSI or SSDI. First you might be eligible for help under your States Workman's Comp.
    Hope you will consider these possibilities and let us know how you are doing!

  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    If you can not work you just cannot.

    I would not feel one bit guilty. It is time to take care of yourself.

    If hubby can afford to keep you home: good for you.

    I would take the opportunity to take care of myself now, if I were you.

    You rest up and get some treatment-maybe a good rheumatologist.

    Just my suggestions.