Serious Questions for those who still work fulltime?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SweetT, Jul 18, 2006.

  1. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Hello again everyone,

    Well if you haven't noticed by now, I am really trying to stay employed, before I use the last resort of trying to get disability. If you still work full-time, how do you:

    ~ ever go to weddings or showers or parties family reunions on the weekend? meaning--how do you pace/plan for it?

    ~ deal with your kids' school Open Houses and Parent/Teacher conferences, when all you want to do is go to bed at 7pm (when they often start)?

    ~ get your grocery-shopping done?

    ~ plan your wardrobe/get your clothes washed and ironed for the week?

    ~ plan your dinners-----do you cook ahead and freeze, allocate money for a few days of takeout, or delegate cooking to your spouse or older kids?

    ~ how do you have energy to go to a place of worship during the week after work and on the weekends (when you need to catch up on sleep)? do you just skip the weeknights and go to an early service on the weekend and say hi to people as you are walking out?

    ~ return personal phone calls? do you wait until the weekend or just have people call you for a few minutes at work (since you are already in an environment where you might have to take phone calls)m or tell people to email you or text message you on your cellphone?

    ~ ever have energy for intimacy with your spouse or significant other?

    ~ ever have short, small gatherings? do you reserve a party room only for a short period of time to ensure that your home is clear for rest when you need it to be? or are gatherings a no-no at this point?

    ~ find energy to take a shower or bath when you are too stiff to stand up and walk (and if you use a shower seat/bench your hair will get wet because the water will soak right through your shower cap PLUS if you take a bath, you might not be able to climb out of the tub)?


    Okay, that's all for now. But if you can answer my questions providing the strategies that you use, that'll be so grand.

  2. angellwolffe

    angellwolffe New Member

    i still work full time and even a couple days a week parttime but both jobs give me plenty of time to sit and rest when i need to and the girls i work with at the grocery store help out when im having a bad day.

    ~ ever go to weddings or showers or parties family reunions on the weekend? meaning--how do you pace/plan for it?
    If i can i take a vacation day the day before i do and as i can schedule my parttime job to my life as i need it i take the next day off to recover. If i can't I take if very slow and my hubby takes good care of me. I always have water nearby and i know how far the bathroom is.

    ~ deal with your kids' school Open Houses and Parent/Teacher conferences, when all you want to do is go to bed at 7pm (when they often start)?

    when i had my brothers kids i had to do all of this. It was difficult. I usually took the day before off and caught an extra nap when i could.I would show up at late as possible and leave as quickly as i could. several times i walked out at the end of performances leaning on hubby's shoulder but my philosophy was what must be done must be done and i'll suffer later and did.

    ~ get your grocery-shopping done?
    Give hubby a detailed list or now i do the shopping right before work and he comes in and just picks up the order already bought and bagged. but he's a good guy and helps out alot. some places you can call in orders and have them delivered. At our store we have two older ladies that call us for orders and we have them ready for when someone comes to pick them up.

    ~ plan your wardrobe/get your clothes washed and ironed for the week?
    any minute I feel good enough to do a little bit. while i'm folding laundry, i will layout two or three days worth of clothes in order. here hubby helps. when the kids still lived here they would help take the laundry up and down the stairs. I rewarded them well when they helped out.

    ~ plan your dinners-----do you cook ahead and freeze, allocate money for a few days of takeout, or delegate cooking to your spouse or older kids?

    sometimes i cook ahead sometimes i set aside money for one day eating out and the kids would help cook. now we eat out a little more and a taught hubby how to cook.

    ~ how do you have energy to go to a place of worship during the week after work and on the weekends (when you need to catch up on sleep)? do you just skip the weeknights and go to an early service on the weekend and say hi to people as you are walking out?

    I try not to stay long at services because of the hard pews. i come late, sit in the back and just make myself be seen so that people know ive been there. Occasionally i do get stopped by the pastor or an older person and get stuck for awhile.

    ~ return personal phone calls? do you wait until the weekend or just have people call you for a few minutes at work (since you are already in an environment where you might have to take phone calls)m or tell people to email you or text message you on your cellphone?
    i do most of that at work. or on my day off when i get to sit in front of the computer. ie i'm typing this reading emails and talking to my sister.

    ~ ever have energy for intimacy with your spouse or significant other?
    sometimes we've been know to make appointments with each other. then both have just fallen asleep on each other. We take mini vacations every couple months to just get away. we don't go anywhere but to maybe another town, sometimes we just sleep then to. Since we are both night owls, usually we spend most of out saturdays nights shopping at the all night grocery/department store, then go out to stake and shake at 3 am.

    ~ ever have short, small gatherings? do you reserve a party room only for a short period of time to ensure that your home is clear for rest when you need it to be? or are gatherings a no-no at this point?
    I have the biggest yard so when we have a family gathering it ends up being at my house. We plan stuff way ahead of time. anything i have to do i do way ahead of time. i have people help me set stuff up the day of the party and i do what i can during it. Usually i end up doing little and my sisters take over. I take the day before off to rest up and the day after cuz i know i'm going to hurt. Nobody ever notices that i go to bed early before the party is over, if they do they have never said anything to me about it.

    ~ find energy to take a shower or bath when you are too stiff to stand up and walk (and if you use a shower seat/bench your hair will get wet because the water will soak right through your shower cap PLUS if you take a bath, you might not be able to climb out of the tub)?
    I take my shower as soon as my meds kick in. I have a hottub that i get in once or twice a day that helps with muscle spasms and cramps for awhile. Otherwise hubby has helped me here when i need him to to.

    I hope this has helped some. Its just my personal stratagies.

    angell
  3. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Hi SweetT

    I was dx'd this past Feb. and believe I've had FM since my last pregnancy in 2004. I still work full time and became an EMT on the side just after I was dx'd. I have an 8 yr old and an 18 month old.

    ~ ever go to weddings or showers or parties family reunions on the weekend? meaning--how do you pace/plan for it?

    Very carefully. I try to only book an activity out of my house on one of the days (preferably Saturday so I have the next day to rest)

    ~ deal with your kids' school Open Houses and Parent/Teacher conferences, when all you want to do is go to bed at 7pm (when they often start)?

    I don't go to all of them. I try to go to at least one per year and my hubby will take the other one. I volunteer for one classroom activity a year. That's it.

    ~ get your grocery-shopping done?

    I go once a week, by myself for 1 hour usually Monday on my way home from work. Hubby babysits and helps to put everything away.

    ~ plan your wardrobe/get your clothes washed and ironed for the week?

    I do laundry once a week usually Sunday. If it requires ironing, it goes to the cleaners or it is NOT a part of my wardrobe if it can't be perma-pressed in the dryer.

    ~ plan your dinners-----do you cook ahead and freeze, allocate money for a few days of takeout, or delegate cooking to your spouse or older kids?

    My oldest knows how to operate a microwave. Hubby and I both share cooking or we just throw together leftovers/sandwiches. Rachael Ray has great 30minute meals and the "Man, Can,Plan" and "Man, Can,Microwave" series are must haves.

    ~ how do you have energy to go to a place of worship during the week after work and on the weekends (when you need to catch up on sleep)? do you just skip the weeknights and go to an early service on the weekend and say hi to people as you are walking out?

    I don't. I try to get to church on holidays and do the best I can, but I don't make it on a weekly basis.

    ~ return personal phone calls? do you wait until the weekend or just have people call you for a few minutes at work (since you are already in an environment where you might have to take phone calls)m or tell people to email you or text message you on your cellphone?

    I have an hour commute one way to work so I try to call on my way to and on my way home from work (handsfree headset being a must).

    ~ ever have energy for intimacy with your spouse or significant other?

    Sometimes I don't. But I try at least a few times a month to be on an "intimate" wavelength with my husband.

    ~ ever have short, small gatherings? do you reserve a party room only for a short period of time to ensure that your home is clear for rest when you need it to be? or are gatherings a no-no at this point?

    Parties are rare, but we still have them once or twice a year. I have to pace myself. If I overdo it, I'll pay for it for a long time.

    ~ find energy to take a shower or bath when you are too stiff to stand up and walk (and if you use a shower seat/bench your hair will get wet because the water will soak right through your shower cap PLUS if you take a bath, you might not be able to climb out of the tub)?

    I just got a Pixie haircut = don't have to worry about wearing a showercap or a hairdryer. I wash my head with head down instead of being tilted back.

    All I can do is the best I can with what I've got, but careful planning goes a long way.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  4. cymbeline

    cymbeline New Member

    Hi SweetT,
    I am only working partime in the mornings now and building up to full time but as i have to rest all afternoon i still have difficulties with all these things. These are some of my ideas.
    ~ ever go to weddings or showers or parties family reunions on the weekend? Only go to those that are really important, usually book a day off to recover if i am away all weekend- limits my holiday time but lets me do the things i enjoy so think it is ok.
    ~ get your grocery-shopping done? I get an organic veg box, i order online and you can save previous weeks orders so can find what you want easily. They deliver it to my door, everything from toilet paper to meat and drinks. It works out cheaper than going to the supermarket and is much healthier, better quality food.
    ~ return personal phone calls? Text or call briefly to let them know when i will call back properly, usually at a weekend.
    ~ ever have short, small gatherings? Try to arrange them at my house then i can go upstairs to rest when i need to and let my friends look after themselves for a bit or my partner if he is here. This keeps me going for longer. I find this harder to do away from home.
    ~ plan your dinners- my partner often cooks for me, but otherwise i cook big batches of soup, stews, bolognaise etc keep some in the fridge and freeze some so there is always something around. I usually do several things in one go on a weekend when i have nothing else on. Keeps me going for ages.
    Hope you get some ideas from all the replies.
    best wishes
  5. azcactuslil

    azcactuslil New Member

    This is a touchy subject for me right now. I was jusst let go at a very good firm because I simply couldn't keep up the pace anymore. I had tried all the stratigies and they just finally didn't give me enough support or the tools I needed to staay in thee game. I am now unemployed and have time to do the other things because my schedule isn't as grueling. I am now stressed out over my finances and how to pay doctor bills, etc. My husband wants me to rest for a while and if I go back to work it will be something that is a lot less demanding than whaat I have donne in the past.
  6. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    and I do my laundry either at night, put it in the washer and start it while I am sleeping, dry the load in the morning before work. I run the dishwasher while I sleeping. I do my grocery shopping on the weekends, but that about does me in. I iron only what I am going to wear each day and have an ironing pile to pull from. I go to Church on Holidays only. Housework is done on the weekends with many breaks taken during the cleaning. I have a yard man who does my yard every week. My only child is 19 and self sufficient so no little children for me.

    TxSongBird
  7. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Yes, it gave me ideas and reinforced what I already thought. I definitely find that my family drama has to wait until after the workweek-----------I cannot take stress at my job along with family members updating me about the latest family drama if I have to go to work the next day.
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I am retired now, but worked full-time, with 3 kids, for 30 years.

    Q. ~ ever go to weddings or showers or parties family reunions on the weekend? meaning--how do you pace/plan for it?

    A. Yes. I attended these events on the weekends. I tried not to stay too long at the showers, etc., left and then ran my errands and trip for groceries, etc. Thankfully, family reunions were only once a year, but I would buy good quality pies, etc., to take, or buy deli salads, etc., and put them in one of my bowls and people thought I made it!

    ----------

    Q. ~ deal with your kids' school Open Houses and Parent/Teacher conferences, when all you want to do is go to bed at 7pm (when they often start)?

    A. Yes, I went to this stuff, but didn't want to, but couldn't tell kids that!! They didn't occur that often, but I felt their education was important, so I always went in and got out as fast as I could!

    ---------

    Q. ~ get your grocery-shopping done?

    A. I worked 60+ miles from home. It was like a 75 min. commute (one way). We got paid twice a month. On that night, I would stop on my way home from work in the nearest town on my way home and get the "big load" of groceries. My family knew it was grocery night, so I bought hot dogs or sandwich stuff to eat for supper when I got home. Of course, they could have had supper waiting for me, but OMG, that would be asking too much!!! LOL On weekends, I would pick up milk and bread, etc. from our little town market.

    ---------

    Q. ~ plan your wardrobe/get your clothes washed and ironed for the week?

    A. I never "planned" my wardrobe! When I got up and was ready to dress, I looked in the closet and made a quick decision on what to wear! I washed the majority of clothes on the weekend, putting laundry in on-and-off all weekend. During the week, I would either wash one load of towels or jeans each night. Sometimes, I would toss them in the washer and the minute I got up in the morning, I would throw them in the dryer--while I was waiting for my coffee to get done. Oh, and I never ironed! What blouses/shirts that I wore that had to be ironed, I took to the dry cleaners along with all my husband's dress shirts--I figured it was just one of those costs of working.

    ----------

    Q. ~ plan your dinners-----do you cook ahead and freeze, allocate money for a few days of takeout, or delegate cooking to your spouse or older kids?

    A. I always cooked a really big Sunday dinner. According to what it was, sometimes I would make, for example, a huge meatloaf, and freeze half and bake half for our Sunday dinner. We ate leftovers on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. On Thursdays, we would have something really simple--hamburgers, hot dogs, fry pork chops--something that didn't need much preparation--like a box mix of scalloped potatoes which is much faster than peeling real potatoes! On Fridays, I would stop and get pizza on the way home. Kids always loved Fridays! My DH NEVER, EVER helped me fix supper or clean up. When the kids got older they would have the potatoes peeled and on to cook, or bake, fry, etc., and start the meat. That was a great few years!

    -----------

    Q. ~ how do you have energy to go to a place of worship during the week after work and on the weekends (when you need to catch up on sleep)? do you just skip the weeknights and go to an early service on the weekend and say hi to people as you are walking out?

    A. I am a church-goer, however, when the kids were all little, I just could not get out of bed on Sunday morning and take all 3. So I quit going for about 10 years until they were old enough to get ready all by themselves. I know it's not the right thing to do, but something had to give. My sanity and health was more important to me. I needed to survive and needed this time at home. I never did go on Wednesday nights or Sunday nights.

    -------

    Q. ~ return personal phone calls? do you wait until the weekend or just have people call you for a few minutes at work (since you are already in an environment where you might have to take phone calls)m or tell people to email you or text message you on your cellphone?

    A. It was rare than anyone ever called me at home in the evenings--they all knew my work schedule and how busy I was. If someone called, I kept it really short. I would never ask anyone to call me at work--did not want to risk losing my job over it--we were not allowed to place or take personal calls. When we got a computer, I would email.

    ---------
    Q. ~ ever have energy for intimacy with your spouse or significant other?

    A. Never had the energy, but had to do what I had to do!! My DH was always awake about the time that I needed to get up, so he always wanted a "quickie" before I got up--at 4:30 am!!!!! Ugh. Evenings were always too busy for me. Then we would find time on weekends. I never had energy, and really not interested because my schedule was a killer, but I played along like I enjoyed it--just for his sake--to keep him happy. If I kept him happy, then he didn't complain about the food or messy house. I NEVER did any housecleaning on a week night!

    ---------

    Q. ~ ever have short, small gatherings? do you reserve a party room only for a short period of time to ensure that your home is clear for rest when you need it to be? or are gatherings a no-no at this point?

    A. I always had all the family dinners on the holidays at my house--for about 30 people. I would schedule a day of vacation the day before to do all my cooking of salads, desserts, etc. I would make all of the kids clean house. Other than that, we never invited friends over during the week. Everyone that we knew were well aware of my long commute, how busy our lives were in the evening, and nobody ever came to visit during the week!

    ---------

    Q. ~ find energy to take a shower or bath when you are too stiff to stand up and walk (and if you use a shower seat/bench your hair will get wet because the water will soak right through your shower cap PLUS if you take a bath, you might not be able to climb out of the tub)?

    A. I had to get up for work 1/2 hour early, just to sit and rest! I drank my coffee then. Then I took a really hot shower in order to limber my muscles up. I had short hair and washed it each morning in the shower. I never got in the tub, or I would never be able to get out! By the time I got ready, my hair was almost dry--only needed a couple minutes with hair dryer--then 3 curls on top with a curling iron, brush, spray, and go! I had a perm, and with the gel when I combed it after shower, it only needed curled on top. (I have a shower bench now, but did not have one then.)

    ----------

    This was how my work days went!


    Hugs,
    Janet