Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JPach007, Nov 28, 2005.

  1. JPach007

    JPach007 New Member

    I know I can do a seach and find tons of posts on this...maybe some fresh ideas now..and me some venting!

    My husband just cannot understand why we dont have sex, why I have no desire to be intimate, yet I can put the Xmas lights on the house all by myself, trim the trees, clean the house, etc, etc...
    I am so tired of trying to explain it, I dont know what to say anymore. Any ideas?
  2. busybusymom

    busybusymom New Member

    Being that my marriage feels like a sham, I have no desire to have sex with mine, and I finally told him today.

  3. gvmeabrk

    gvmeabrk New Member

    Well all I can say is this I felt the very same way when I was with my XXXXXXXX hubby he hounded me day in day out and my answer was always the same(I don't feel like it)Well I have another man I am with now and I am here to tell you it makes a huge diffrence if you are having sex with someone you like having sex with LOL! And to be very honest there are days when it would be easy to say I don't feel like it.But I cave in and I always feel energized afterwards in fact after sex is usually when I get in a cleaning mood.When I was with my husband I was not interested in sex not even in the least.I think what happens here is that we fall into a kind of rebellion because we feel so misunderstood at least that is what happened to me.If my husband would have been a little more supportive and understanding I might have wanted sex later.But he would become furious and tell me thisngs like "just another excuse"so I in return would become furious and cut him off all the way LOL!obviously neither of us got to far.The guy I am with now is very supportive and if I happen to say I am not in the mood then it is fine with him.And that is the way it should be!!!
  4. unbalanced

    unbalanced New Member

    This is very common for all of us, my husband has a difficult time understanding also. I"ve explained to him that being intimate is painful for me & when you're dog tired its the last thing on your mind. He is wonderful about not pushing me, but makes comments that make me feel horrible & guilty. I suggested to him that he do things that are romantic yet relaxing, massage, etc. Do things that will light my fire no matter what state my mind or body is in, make me forget the pain & being tired, & I think we'll both get what we want.
  5. renae1979

    renae1979 New Member

    I'm only 26 and this DD has completely sucked the life out of any sex life I had. It isn't really a pain issue for me. It is just a complete lack of libido and wanting to be physical in any way with anyone.
  6. icare

    icare New Member

    This is just my point of view, When i was at more worse, i spent over 2 1/2 yrs not interested..Too much fatigue too much pain. I was not doing anything, not gardening, not even changing a light bulb.This didnt bother my wife in the least..You could say she went with the flow..Like most women would.Men are so, sooooooo much different than women, (the Majority of women)
    I think if a women can function and do other things around the house , then energy probably isnt an issue.Its more to do with how they feel about there partner.
    They must think , If my partner makes cruel remarks and does not support me then why should i satisfy his sexual erges. Its an on going snowball effect and nobody wins.

    I think a sex-less marriage is a Marriage in trouble, " UNLESS" both partners except what they have and injoy life in other ways., but saying that, a guy that has a high sex drive is going to have problems controlling his erges.
    It will eat away at him daily, and like most things in life the more you are deprived, the more you want it.

    Thats my thoughts , dont take it personal


    LISALOO New Member

    Before we got married I had Interstitial Cystitis, so we did nothing for a year, going in my husband knew he might never get any.

    The IC has gotten better, and the FFC found my testosterone was nonexistent so they put me on some. That made a differece. I actually have a somewhat drive now!!! Not that I have energy for much!
  8. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    tested. Also see if it is a side effect from any medication you are taking. Due to my husband's illness HE can't do it, so I'm the one who is
    suffering here. I get no sympathy from anyone and a lot of "in sickness and in health" lectures. I KNOW that.
    I abide by it. But I don't have to like it. If it wasn't painful I'd put on my best acting face and let the old boy have a go. Just like these dd's won't kill us, neither will sex.
    Some studies have shown it releases
    things that reduce pain. But no one will like this reason..if you are at all religious, and if you aren't I can't comment, but we are "obligated" to provide our husbands with keeps them from temptations outside of the home if nothing else..but it's also one way men judge themselves. Give a little that way and you may find him more compassionate in other ways. JMHO
  9. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    Just a thought, many depression meds. play havoc with the sex drive. Denamay
  10. maripat

    maripat New Member

    After my hystorectmy I was taking Estrogen.
    Well my sex drive fell in the toilet.
    Went to my PCDoc explained I had been married 29 years
    and wasn't about to give up my favorite hobby.
    Started taking Estratest (Estrogen and Testosterone)
    made a huge difference. I can't have sex every day and there is some pain involved, but I really find it well worththe efforts
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    is a very healthy aspect for everyone...

    but when you are not having sex for months in and out or years it is trouble in paradise....meaning in a marriage or steady relationship...everyone that i have known that have said they haven't had sex for months or even longer than a year they ended up getting a divorce....

    but thier is help out there fro our hormones and different ad's to try...we got to try try again...

    i can honestly say sex has never been a problem for me libido wise and was never an issue in my marriage...we had great sexual chemeistry,,,and with my ohter partners as well...

    someimtes have to force ourselves to get going in that area...i'm with rick here...

    their is counseling as can help with things....i know all too much about the pain ....but afterwards i feel so much better mentally, physically i notice i'm out of shape not 17 or even 35 years old again...

    but that is my goal to get more energy and back into the gym and lose my weight and feel good about my self...

    well i hope i didn't tick off too many people but this is just my own feelings here not knocking anyone at all...

  12. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    My DH and I have been happily married for almost 30 years. While we never have had sex very often (2-3 times a month, even when we were newlyweds, which was just fine for both of us) it was always good and enjoyable. But since this DD took hold, I can't even THINK about sex let alone actually have it. Now it's just painful and miserable. We haven't had sex in over 14 months. I have no energy whatsoever, moderate pain all the time, and ZERO sex drive. I would give anything to WANT to make love again, and to be able to enjoy it. It makes me SAD and ANGRY that I just flat out don't want to, even on a good day.

    I do NOT feel like I'm not "fulfilling my wifely obligations," not one bit! My DH has never had a big sex drive anyway, like I said even when we were first married and both in our 20's. We still love to hug and snuggle, we are still physically attracted to one another, we are both 100% faithful, and we are very happy in our marriage. We just don't have sex. I'm hopeful that one day I can get off the anti-depressants, sleeping meds, pain pills, and get back to normal ... and WANT to have sex with my husband. But until then, I'm okay with the way it is and believe it or not, so is he.

    I refuse to accept that just because that day is not here, our marriage is "unacceptable" or "headed for divorce" or that I'm somehow not being the wife I'm supposed to be.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/28/2005]
  13. icare

    icare New Member

    There are healthy men out there that can except a sex-less marriage., there is nothing wrong with that..If you have one of these men, you are lucky, you have won the lottery.
    They certainly took there Marriage Vows seriously.

    I am not sure i could be one of these men and im the sick one in the family.
    This illness sure can change and ruin a good marriage if you let it.

  14. kylesmom

    kylesmom New Member

    It's rare that I find myself wanting sex. We use to have the same fight as you, over and over and over. However, I think my husband is on the "high needs" end of the scale and we've found compromise. Our sex life is entirely scheduled (I'll spare you the graphic details), and it works great for us. He has sacrificed romance and spontaneity (man, did I spell that right?), and I have let go of the guilt and make sure I reserve enough energy on the days when it's a scheduled thing.

  15. sharon5650

    sharon5650 New Member

    Hi, even though lately I have been suffering alot, sex!! is not a problem, thank-god. I think this is a big issue between two people, if the intimcy is suffering, then it has to be on both sides, or something has to give somewhere. I don't know what to say, other than the fact that there is help if you need it, they do have a "desire pill" to help bring back the desire, and thats if you really want to take it. This is normal though, as I have heard of it, and especially with us, pain and fatigue, but somehow, somewhere, someplace, sometime, I find time, this is something that actully relieves my stress, not in a major relapse, but when I feel better of course.......So if you want to desirer, and be desired, try and talk to your doctor about the "desire pill" for woman...its not only men,....................sharon5650
  16. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Oh, no! Tonight? If you want to, honey.

    What did you say? Do I feel like it?

    I feel about like I always do. My head hurts, my neck, arms, and shoulders hurt, my wrists and hands are achy, my back is killing me--you know--where that pinched nerve is, I'm still having these chest pains and major pain in my rib cage, my hips hurt, as do my legs, and that left knee is so bad that I'm going to have to get it checked out, and both of my feet and ankles are swollen about 3 times normal size which makes it hard to walk.

    What did you say? Oh, yes, that means OK. I'll be there in a minute. I need to take all my meds first so I don't have to get back up.

    OK. Finally, I'm ready for bed and some hanky panky.

    Well, what do you know! He's asleep already.

    Too bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It worked again.

  17. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    My husband and I have only been married for six years and my sex drive in in LOWWWWWWWW gear. My husband and I always had a very active sex life until the Fibro. We both enjoyed each other so much, and our sex was out of this world. But............
    In April 04 I fell down my stairs and broke 2 ribs. Healing from this meant no sex for six weeks. After my fall in April I started having Fibro symptoms in July. It hurt to be touched at all. Just the pressure to my body during sex would be so painful that I wanted to scream out in agony. Since dealing with cfs and fibro for over a year now my meds help the pain some what, but the fatigue is a bigger problem. The antidepressive(Cymbalta)doesn't help my sex drive at all either. I do enjoy pleasing my husband (who has an extreme sex overdrive)I want to make him happy for the most part. So, I do still have sex with him. I always remember when he is feeling frisky to take a muscle relaxer and a pain pill beforehand, but even though it hurts to be touched I still need the closeness and the mental aspect of him taking care of me. He doesn't understand this disease but he can see it has taken its toll on me. He is trying to be more helpful with the household and caretaking of our 2 children. So, I must try to continue to take care of his sexual needs. I have been on temporary disability at my work for six month now, but my hubby is my life, my partner, my best friend so giving him myself for 20-30 min twice a week is worth it for me.
  18. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    this morning and they said there is some sort of nasal spray that has been used in a study that increases womens' libido's

    it makes them instantly tingly down below and ready for some action...

    i guess the stocks had risen by 20% percent the next day after the study had came out....

    man our men would be buying that for gifts every week for us just like flowers and i think they would for go the flowers just get the important stufff the sex spray....

    sounds good to me, i haven't had a problem yet but i will be 41 on xmas day so i realize i'm not getting any younger....

    i just wondered if anyone had about a spray for women's libido? i didn't get the name of the drug company or name of it...

    i bet many men would buy these as stocking stuffers...

    does santa make it in his toy shop for the adult toys??

    well this was interesting to me at 7:30 am since this post was going for the last day about no sex for people here...

  19. tandy

    tandy New Member

    just another thing I gotta do.
    Like a chore :)

    although once past the initiation I'm fine/enjoying myself.
    But then theres after......??? thats another story. I hurt way worse,...all over!
    needless to say we don't too often anymore.
    Once a week is our "high"
    (enough for me,..never enough for him)
    seems like when I'm just starting to get over it ,.. its about that time agin. :)
  20. Kimelia

    Kimelia New Member

    I can't wait to find my mr.right oneday. I miss sex. I don't think I could hardly ever be too tired to have it. Ok, too mukch information. Sorry :(

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