Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by wayout, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. wayout

    wayout New Member

    Need some help,first i am 52 my husband is 40 when we first married 9 years ago all was great last year we had the big wedding with all my family our first wedding we all his family out of state then i got fibro and i have gotten up at night and caught my husband on girlyweb pages the other night he was watching a movie he says it not me its him in all other ways he a great guy he helpsme all he can but i feel he is cheating on me and i feel like i am letting him down in the sex dept hurt too much most of the time for the bed room thing anyone else with this promble and how to deal sorry so long
  2. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    I know I was a freak in the bedroom before this dd.. It does take some of the passion away when it hurts and your tired.. Now my guy has always liked sexy movies.. it just didn't bother me back when I felt sexy enough to compete.. now I know it bothers me and he will turn the channel when I come in.. he doesn't complain... I know that I think it bothers me now because I don't feel as sexy as I did back then.. I've been dealing with this 10 years.. Now mine has never got into the internet.. thank goodness! That I think would worry me more because I would be afraid of him developing some on-line relationship or something.. I know that I have to make an effort now to keep things alive where when I was "well" there wasn't an effort.. it was natural.. I'm not much help but just know this effects most of us.. Good luck.. Feelings right or wrong are ours and yours are hurt right now.. Hopefully you will be able to work through this.
  3. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    You are not the only one to find this happen. I know my hubby would never cheat but I have the same feelings as you about the web. The other thing is that we have 2 girls that go online from time to time & we do not need sex pop-up boxes coming up when the girls are on. I have told him that if I find it again the web will disappear as fast as it showed up.

    Some people may think I'm strange but that is one thing I will not put up with. I do not have a problem with many of the other things he does - he is a great man - but this is the one thing I will not allow and I do check the history and delete cookies to make sure we do not have wierd things pop up when the girls are on.

    I know - I'm strange.

  4. goldenrod

    goldenrod New Member

    I am a 30 something man and I can tell you that it would not make any difference if you were ( and maybe you are ) the most sexy, beautiful woman in the whole world, he would still be looking at the web or porn on the tube or in a magazine. yup, I know we are pigs,I have many friends who range from 20-60 in age and they all like naked women. some cheat, some go to the strippers, some look at the net and some have tapes or magazines. I can tell you, there are only a few I can think of that are not like this.
    don't let that make you feel bad, cause it shouldn' truly has nothing to do with you.
    in my humble opinion, I would caution anyone from not letting your husband or boyfriends look at this stuff. everyone has urges and this is a safe place, definately not cheating, where he can go to satisfy those urges.
    really don't let this get you down, and don't feel bad about yourself.
    like I said, just my opinion and I certainly do not speak for all men.
    take care
  5. tejanya

    tejanya New Member

    i have had this since 1994. in the last 5 years sex has become a problem. but because my husband will not take the time to show me i am desirable and desired. if all is going good, then there is not the spasms the next day like usual. sometimes, i take pyridium to relax the uretha and bladder spasms. it has been suggested to take a day a week that you both are together, alone. and enjoy each others company. crawl into bed together and cuddle. it does not have to go any further than letting each other know how much you care. my hubby is understanding, but... there is always a butt. he spends no time talking with me. he goes to sleep anytime i try to share something with him. there use to be communication between us. not anymore tho. it has nothing to do with fibro. thank God. but to think that our (us with fibro) sex lives are over is depressing. especially if we liked it. there's not much we can do but explain what mite help, and hope the partner understands. going to porn sites is not an answer. i am still getting books from the library to help me with this fibro.
  6. tilla

    tilla New Member

    It is really great to hear the point of view from a man. I really appreicate you writing this. I also have been concerned about my husband changing the channel when I walk in the room. I now will be a little more understanding.

    Thank you.

  7. Countrymom

    Countrymom New Member

    I am sorry you are having problems. I know this is a difficult problem. I too have felt like I am letting my husband down. Talk to him about it, my husband was very understanding and there are lots of ways to show affection and it not hurt.
    As far as the porno goes, it is definately not because of you. Men are visual and sometimes have difficulty controlling these urges. It is their problem and addiction, not anything you do. Don't shame yourself into taking responsibility for someone else's sins.

    This is just my opinion and I don't mean to offend anyone but porno is the #1 addiction and if you don't beleive it just look at all of the magazines and styles now, sex sells and most men buy it. It doesn't matter if they pay a prostitute or a website, they are paying for it. Some people have urges to lie, steal, take drugs, drink, or porno and it is all things we should control not indulge. Just because alot of people do it doesn't mean it should be acceptable. ( I am not judging, the good lord knows I have my struggles, I am only pointing out another perspective)

    Good luck 'wayout'. Have you had your hormone levels checked? Mine were all out of whack and treating them have made it better for me.

  8. CAAnnieB

    CAAnnieB New Member

    I'm so sorry you are having these problems with your husband. The way I see it; there are two very seperate issues/ problems going on...

    #1 Is how the Fibro has affected your sexuality (You say that it hurts to have sex/ make love) This is probably a very common problem with many women with FM. There are treatments for this. It could very well be that your hormones are out of whack & once they are corrected, things would improve for you.Also, given your age, I'm assuming that your body is going through many changes due to Perimenapause or Menapause. Do you have a good Dr. (Family or OB/GYN) who you can discuss this with? I hope so. If not; ask friends & relatives for a recommendation...

    #2 Is your husband's behavior...I STRONGLY disagree that looking at anything pornographic is "normal". I agree with Countrymom on this. Pornography is an addiction...It is widespread in our country, but just because a lot of men expose themselves to it does not make it right. It's a very destructive behavior that has nothing to do with you or your lack of performance in the "sex dept"! I don't know if you could talk to your husband about seeking treatment for this addiction, but until he sees that it is not O.K. for him or you; I imagine his behavior won't change.

    According to your post, these problems are weighing heavily on your mind & heart.This must be a heavy burden to bear on top of your illness. I hope that you and your husband can seek treatment and that your relationship will become stronger because of it.

    Blessings & Hugs,
    [This Message was Edited on 11/09/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 11/09/2005]

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