Today with my counselor we came to the realization that I had a huge emotional breakdown yesterday because for the first time I am facing the very real loss of my life as I knew it. To be exact, my marraige is in shambles. There are a lot of factors, but the spouse is most hung up on the lack of sex and touching. (I know you all know what I mean when I say, "It hurts to be touched sometimes. It can make my skin crawl.") It's not like I haven't thought of it before, but I am really facing the reality today that I have become inadequate in that area because of my health and there is nothing I can do about it. At least not right now. I have tried everything, please don't suggest any hormone creams or romantic weekends. It's not that. I just can't physically handle sex anymore. It wipes me out, stresses my breathing and puts me in really bad extra pain for days. I'm afraid of being looked at as so inadequate when things used to be so very good. I also can't stand being touched from behind, when I don't see it coming. I jump - I'm startled and then my skin crawls and my muscles tense even more and pain ensues. I need to see that touch or hug coming and brace for it. I feel like a huge disappointment to my spouse and myself. He blames me, but should be blaming the disease. I need to mourn this loss and I was wondering if you all could share some of your stories about grieving the loss of your health, too. Thanks and blessings!