Sharing a poem I have written

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by theatergirl, Jul 12, 2008.

  1. theatergirl

    theatergirl New Member

    WhErE OnCe I wAs

    It closes all the doors and windows, locking them up tight
    Then it settles like gray dust over everything in sight
    You dare not stir, not even a bit
    Or revenge will be swift and cut sharp and quick

    It's summer, the days are hot and smokey
    You lie in a darkened room, telling yourself you're ok
    You can handle the emptiness and the solitude once again
    Because you believe in your heart, with time it will end

    But you're not there where once you were
    and they all look around, but then cannot stir
    For you have been gone for far too long
    And they finally have forgotten the melody to your song.

    Senses blur and the days run by
    Time steps over everything without even a sigh
    Laughter ceases and dull silence takes it's place
    Covering the heart, where nothing escapes

    What matters is beyond reason and hope
    You can't reach the goal, too short a rope
    The ship sails without you on board
    And you finally resign the claim that you scored

    There is no winning, no gain to be had
    Just dust, then sorrow, then silent and sad
    For there is no return from the shore that you reached
    Nothing left to be said and nothing left to teach

    Like the ashes falling from the gray summer sky
    Dulling all the faces and the cars passing by
    It suits your mood, though none can see
    Then it all moves on without you, without needing you to BE

    Don't ask why, the questions are done
    Just long for the brighter days and the beauty of the sun
    If this is all there is, you heave a long sigh
    And sing yourself a little song while the days pass on by
  2. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    Your poem touched me. It is very intense and poignant for us. I can totally relate.

    As I read your poem I wondered if you were the woman I've read about in the papers so I read your Profile and I think you are her. My folks live in Roseville, CA and they go to the theater all the time. They gave me an article in their newspaper about a woman with CFS who started her own theater. I remember being really glad for her and a bit envious I must admit. I'm so sorry that you're going through such a bad time with CFS too. It's the pits isn't it?

    [This Message was Edited on 07/13/2008]
  3. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

    Oh, Theatergirl--Your poetry is heart-wrenching. It reaches down deep and cuts to the quick. I refuse, though, to allow myself to live in melancholy. I note you end with .... "and sing yourself a little song while the days pass on by". The days do pass, don't they? But yes, we can sing in our own unique and quiet ways. There's still SO much. My ME has changed me down to my very core. It's also washed away all the old me and created something new. So, so different than anything I ever imagined but still undeniably me.

    It's all I have now and I try to rejoice in this new-ness. May blessings be with you. Thank you for gifting us with your poem. I will savor it.

  4. theatergirl

    theatergirl New Member

    Hi tee,

    Yes, it's me. It has taken really these 12 years now with full-blown CFS/ME for me to realize the full impact on my life and career.

    I lost the company in 2006, but I still own the theatre and have a full time group in there, the Lambda Players. They are entering their 20th season this fall. I try to do as much as I can still, I am a type A gal.

    I hae been working on a one woman show and this poem will be in it. I decided to let it all loose during the really bad times, like now, so that the voice coming out of me was as authentic as possible. Who knows, maybe sometime I will really get it on the stage.

    I am trying to keep a small career going, despite it all.
    If I am well, cross your fingers, I will be performing in January at the Sacramento Theatre Company in a two woman show, "Black Pearl Sings".

    Thanks for writing, I plan to stay around this messageboard, the folks are great here.

    Best wishes,