Shel.....I read your post about your family problems

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by sunflowergirl, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I'm very sorry for what you're having to deal with. Husbands and children can create havoc for us already suffering from health troubles.

    About your young son, do what you can, but most of all talk with him about everything in his life, his triumphs and his worries, the problems you struggle with, and encourage him all the time, letting him know that you love him exactly the way he is. If he doesn't realize his dad's troubles then at his age he certainly can be made to understand.

    Does your husband take something for his ADD? And I'm assuming that he's hyper a lot of the time? My grandson, age l0, has ADD and of course learning problems. It wasn't until 2 years ago that my ADD son in law (hyper type A) allowed the school to test him. (he didn't want him going thru school "labeled") He now goes to a special class every day for extra help. I'm so proud of him....he made honor roll this past quarter and all Bs. Amazing at his turn around. BUT....I have to give the credit to my daughter who sits with him daily for hours helping him with his homework and studying. NOT my SIL, who still refuses to acknowledge that he's anything other than lazy.

    I'm posting your name next to my computer so I will remember to say a special prayer for you. Hang in there. I'm sure that some of your problems stem from depression, as I know we all deal with it in one measure or another.

  2. My husband used to take something for his ADD but would often forget to take it, no matter what measures I took to help him remember (putting the bottle by the coffee maker with a post-it note since that's his first stop in the morning)... and he would get bad headaches from it and his lack of consistency with it would cause a Jekyll and Hyde scenario.

    He doesn't have ADHD (the hyper part causes impulsivity which leads to all kinds of problems) but my oldest daughter does... Unfortunately we were told that she DIDN'T have it when we had her tested in 2nd grade and again in middle school, so it wasn't until she was 17 going on 18, after a lot of turmoil and stress, that we finally got the correct diagnosis.

    I even bought a great book titled. "The ADD Answer" by Dr. Frank Lawless many years ago and read the book and highlighted things and tried to share with my husband and daughter the things that could help them, but neither of them were interested in making dietary changes, etc... And the Doc says that ADD drugs are not meant to be taken long term anyway... so you can imagine the amount of stress this causes in our home.

    My husband is very, very scatterbrained and forgetful and high strung and negative most of the time. When I'm at my weakest and can't function, and can barely whisper, he still acts as though he doesn't know how to help me even though I've had this condition for almost a decade now. It is almost worse than living alone with this condition. My husband also acts more childlike most the time than adultlike, which makes things even harder and can upset me.

    I don't suffer with clinical depression, but can only take so much of this...and at times I feel like I just can't take it another second. So I do have days when my back is up against the wall and I feel like giving up.

    I've always done all the things you describe above with my son, and my kids have always been my number one priority (after The Lord). So if I think that my illness and my husband's issues are causing my son distress, I can't bear it. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like I'm doing him more harm than good... And that is so unacceptable to me. And because I had such a difficult and rough childhood brought on by my parents' selfishness, I committed to making the best home and childhood for my kids (not with material things, but with quality time and experiences together and nurturing close relationships with each of them)...it was my life's goal and purpose. So it is very hard for me to accept anything less. My son means the world to me...

    My husband has only made this more difficult for me... I just need lots of prayer. Thank you so much, Sunflowergirl, for your prayers. It means more than you know. I will pray for you as we'll.

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    Shel



    [This Message was Edited on 03/28/2013]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/28/2013]
  3. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Here's a thought.....perhaps you could get some christian counseling for your son. It might help him understand things? And if your husband is oblivious to the destruction he creates around him, then there's not much you can do, aside from separating from him. But then.....with what you deal with? Food DOES make a difference in their behavior, especially the additives that are put into our foods.

    My husband has been doing fairly good with going to a counselor for his passive aggressive behavior,(he got very aggressive a few weeks ago) trying to understand how HE affects ME and my health. This past weekend was NOT a good 2 days for me. He reverted back to his old self and once he's finished unloading and yelling at me, he forgets things but I carry it for days, which means terrible flare time.

    Yesterday we were driving to the physical therapist for me. I'm having neck traction and working on my neck, trying to avoid any surgery and feeling really scared. I just broke down and told him how his behavior affects my health. He's definitely the TOXIC person in my life but I would be unable to function on my own. And I ask God WHY he put this person in my life?

    As I said before, my grandson and his dad are both ADD. My son in law was in rehab about l8 months ago for alcohol and marijuana and after a month in there he has been very successful in fighting this. I never, ever knew this was how my daughter lived until it all came out......what a nightmare she was living. I tell him many times how proud I am of how he's turned his life around.[This Message was Edited on 03/28/2013]
  4. ... I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with a toxic husband too. My husband is usually sorry after he causes me upset or a flare in my condition, but "sorry" doesn't undo the damage, does it?

    As I said, he can go from one extreme to the other in the blink of an eye... Kind of a Jekyll and Hyde thing.... Skipped medication due to his forgetfulness heightens this response. So it can really be maddening to deal with, as well as scary sometimes.

    Until this DD really took hold, I've always been one to hold him accountable for his behavior. But when I am severely compromised from this DD, I'm not able to do that... And the effects on my condition are significant. Sounds like you're dealing with the same thing, for the most part... And I am so sorry to hear of ANYONE else having to deal with this torturous situation.

    And then there's my precious son, who is starting to show signs of ADD himself....easily distracted and very, very forgetful, etc... So I will be making changes in his diet and hope that will make the difference. The Christian counseling is a good idea... It's just that with my inability to get out of the house most of the time, and my husband's long hours at work, I'm not sure how we could get him there... The cost would be another issue.

    That is encouraging to hear that your grandson has had such success in improving his ADD.. Did you say that it was by diet alone? And that is also great news about your son in law!

    Thanks again, Sunflowergirl, for your prayers and for caring. They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger... That means we should be made of steel by now, right? ;) I will keep you in my prayers, Sunflowergirl... God bless you!

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    Shel
    [This Message was Edited on 03/28/2013]