Shelby the cat--It's SUPERBOWL FOR CATS

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by TwoCatDoctors, Jun 2, 2012.

  1. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Hi, this is Shelby the cat and I've got great news. Our development just put the notice around--the end of this month the yearly tree trimming WILL TAKE PLACE. THIS IS THE SUPERBOWL FOR CATS!!!!

    I WAIT FOR THIS ALL YEAR LONG because it becomes the fight of THE BIRDS VS. THE TREE TRIMMERS and it is better than the Thrilla in Manila, and a bigger rumble than anything the Wrestling Federation can think of.

    Part of the birds stay on the ground hopping around and screaming obscenties and insults at the trimmers about their parentage. The rest of the birds do incredible flying stunts and dive bombing while the trimmers are up in those "cherry picker" devices. My face is planted against the window to catch every moment of this epic battle of wills. And I imagine flying music and then when the birds fly toward the guys in the cherry pickers I imagine the motion picture sound effects of airplane machine guns firing--it really adds to the bird fight.

    And the Mockingbirds do not disappoint with their swooping, dive bombing and aerial feats---(sorry, I'm drooling now, imagining I was in one of those cherry pickers, and "picking" off those incredible birds). It is bird TV at its finest and I'll be awake early, eat, go the bathroom and be positioned in my cat furniture tree at the front window for this incredible event. I LOVE THE BIRDS. I'm even thinking of putting a banner out front my place that says "GO BIRDS!"

    P.S. If you don't think birds can be fierce, just watch Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds." That group of birds needed to be dealt with by a group of tough cats.

  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Hi freida, this is Shelby the cat, and I e-mailed the Cat Nation to advise of this upcoming birds/tree trimmers mayheim known as the Cat Superbowl. I think I saw the birds out front preparing by drawing targets on the trees, and swooping at the targets, except this year they are aiming poop at the targets.

    I contacted my friends at my favorite show, TV's "Wicked Tuna" and asked them to catch some really fine tuna for that day for the Cat Nation.

    Then I contacted my favorite movie star, TV's Chef Gordon Ramsey (I think he has some feline in his genes with that long hair up top with variations of color, plus he can really get the claws out and cat fight when he wants to). I asked Chef Ramsey to cook up the Tuna for the Cat Nation.

    There will be chilled distilled water, cat treats, and bowls of catnip for all.

    This Superbowl will probably CATapult into being the best Superbowl ever.

    (I told Mama start getting many, many, many litterboxes and a very strong scoop for her to use). I can't tell what that sign was she gave me with her hands, but I think it was the peace symbol.(?)

  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    This is Tweety. Thanks for the reminder. My brother, Sylvester, and I are already drooling at the thought of those birds who tease us getting theirs. Our trees here are set to be trimmed this coming week. The blue jays have been dive bombing us just to be mean. At night, we dream of how juicy those jays would taste and we drool in our sleep. If I catch one, I'll leave part of the carcass on Mikie's doorstep as I always do when I make a big kill. I'm sure she appreciates these trophy gifts.

    Sending love from the cat jungle here.

  4. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Tweety and Sylvester: The Cat Nation will be meeting with the Bird Union to negotiate a truce to the unprovoked blue jay attacks upon both of you.

    IF that negotation breaks down (a real CATastrophe), then members of the Cat Nation will meet with you to teach you the secret fighting techniques of KATrate.

    Plus we would provide you with ultra modern decoy Hollywood style "blue jay" houses. Once the jays are giddy over such fabulous bird homes in their area and go inside, the door closes and locks and the jays are given amnesia gas and relocated 1,000 miles away.

    If all of this fails, then the Cat Mafia will send their feline associates Mr. Fluffy and Mr. Tinkles to "visit" the blue jays. Mr. Fluffy and Mr. Tinkles have never failed in purrrsuasion.

    Kitty: My e-mail went out to all so keep checking your inbox for date, time and place. And most important, no waiting lines at the litter boxes!

    Some kitties are coming dressed as famous kitties of history--CleoCATra, Meow Antoinette, and Melvin PURRvis (the FBI agent that caught John Dillinger). Also, Morris (of 9 Lives cat food fame) and Matilda of the Algonquin in New York will be here.

    I also have messages that Hulk Hogan and other wrestlers want to attend and I've told them no, this is a "feline only" event. So I will have bouncers posted to keep out the non-felines. They may carry a feline to the door, but only the feline may enter.
  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Mediation, we want our own claws (clause) inserted in the documents. If the kitty mafia gets involved, it will require a vow of mewerta (muerta). It is good to know we have these things to fall back on. If it all fails and the fur flies, it will be catastophic. In our hood, the trimmers use power saws so Sylvester and I will likely keep a low profile til the trimmers leave. Then, we'll come out to watch the birds' reaction. What excitement! We can hardly wait. Thanks for the heads up (and tails up) on the Superbowl.

    Love, Tweety
  6. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    This is Shelby the cat and I took off my SuperBowl Coordinator hat and put on my Doctor's medical coat because Momma wasn't feeling so well. She's better now, so I'm back on the board to give you the latest dish.

    THERE HAS BEEN A MAJOR MILITARY BUILDUP OF BIRD RECRUITS for the upcoming Superbowl of Angry Birds vs. Tree Trimmers. The birds are arriving en masse and are dive bombing out front our place--wow, what an aerial show.

    Momma was going out in her scooter to get the mail (which is way out front) and I told her "STOP--SUIT UP FIRST" (which means put on that wonderful wide brim hat us cats bought her the other year). I watched through the window in complete shock that no bird was hostile toward her and then saw Momma talking to the Hummers (the Hummingbirds).

    Momma came back in and told me that the Hummers (the Hummingbirds) would not be participating in the Superbowl. The Hummers here have been known to get aggressive with some people. Momma always "talks" to the Hummers using a sort of bird whistle sound she makes and they like that and the Hummers said they will not attack anyone. So apparently, the rest of the birds will not attack anyone except the tree trimmers and are now just doing practice scraping runs. Thanks to Momma for being our "spy."

    My brother, Cesar, reminded me that I better line up all the limo companies to pick up the arriving felines on the big day and get them to the correct location. So that has been done.

    Also, refrain from the catnip UNTIL you are out of the airport and in the limo to my place. We don't want the TSA removing felines from flights because they are impaired due to catnip.

    And for the pre-Superbowl fun, I have arranged to let loose some flies for those who want to stretch, run and chase. Or you may prefer to do cat yoga.
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    The trimmers arrived in our hood this morning with their cherry picker truck and power saws. The noise scared me so much that I'm just lounging by Mikie's sofa while she acts as my secretary, typing this post. My brother, Sylvester came in earlier and played with the new pink toy with feathers on it just to whet his appetite for feathers. He's outside but no doubt taking refuge somewhere.

    Our competition against the blue jays are the big black birds, in the crow family, who try to invade the jays' nests. They've been out back in the pine tree strategizing. It's a gray rainy day so I may just stay put. The trimmers will be back tomorrow to trim the lower trees using ladders. That's where the jays build their nests. Things will really start hoppin' then. They will be using the power saws so I may just keep a low profile tomorrow too. Hate to miss out on all the fun but self-preservation is is a kitty's first obligation to herself.

    Love, Tweety
  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Seems the jays had built their nests in a smaller tree next to the one which was trimmed. Sylvester and I enjoyed watching the jays swearing at the tree trimmers but it was too hot for us to bother them. Down here in the South, we kitties have to take it easy in the heat and humidity. The Southern affiliate of the Cat Nation moves at a slower pace. We will just wait for milder weather to bother the jays. In the meantime, we have geckos and mice to bother if we can get off our lazy furry tails.

    Love, Tweety
  9. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    This is Shelby the cat again, and with all the tree trimmers in action around the nation about the same time, my brain is developing a conspiracy theory. The trimmers are "striking out" against the birds throughout the nation (forget about the upcoming summer storms and such, it's all about the trimmers lashing out against their nemesis, the birds). I sense there may be many Superbowls throughout the nation.

    I was imprisoned all day yesterday at the vets because I didn't have any urine in my bladder for a urine sample and they caged me until I had enough urine. I took the tin cup and was raking it against the bars yelling "ATTICA, ATTICA" and "HELL NO, I WON'T GO" (I was refusing to give a urine sample). One of my fellow inmates was trying to smuggle me a computer, but was caught.

    Finally, I had enough urine by late afternoon, they got their sample (it was normal) and Momma came to spring me and take me home. I napped at home and woke up yelling "ATTICA, ATTICA" and my brother, Cesar, told me to knock it off because he was watching his TV show.

    AND I find out that yesterday during the day, Proactiv, the acne med, ran a TV commercial of a female with raging acne and put the name SHELBY under the face. EVERYBODY THINKS THEY CAN USE YOUR NAME TO PROMOTE THEIR PRODUCT!! ATTICA, ATTICA!!

    Hi, this is Cesar, Shelby's brother. Shelby was put to bed to relax, but I have to tell you what happened to me. Mom took me to Petsmart in the scooter basket and I'm sitting in the basket, totally mellowed out, checking out all the cat toys at Petsmart, when some man comes up to us and the conversation goes like this:

    MAN: That's a dog, right? (pointing at me in the CAT TOYS DEPT)
    MOMMA: No, Cesar is a cat
    MAN: But with all that long fur?
    MOMMA: Yes, he's a long-haired cat.
    CESAR THE CAT: Momma, back up the scooter slowly from the creepy man and don't let him touch me. Seriously, do I look like a Doberman, a Rottweiler, a Mastiff or a Poodle? Do they really let people in here early in the morning that are high? Jeez, I've never had anyone mistake me for a dog!!

    We left Petsmart and I still continue to meow and do not bark.

    So this afternoon I was watching my Judge program and the decision was very simple. The judge assessed a monetary judgment and threw the book at them. I said I would have assessed a monetary judgment, threw the book at them and then threw bricks at them. That's the judgment of Judge Cesar, Judicial Cat. I also amended that judgment to add that if the defendant did it again, that I would assess a monetary judgment, throw the book at them, plus substitute dumping them in a pit of poisonous snakes instead of throwing bricks. (It stops the repeat offenders.)

  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Cesar, I can't believe anyone would be so out of it that he would confuse a long-haired cat with a dog. My brother, Sylvester, who is a long haired cat, got a big kick out of that one. We get along famously with our neighborhood dogs except the beagle who chased me to the top of the palm tree. That woman got a stern letter from our mgmt. co. to keep her dog on a leash or they'd be outta here. Good thing I'm an excellent tree climber and I know how to come back down just like a telephone man coming down off a pole. Sometimes, I just do it to impress the people in the hood.

    Right now, though, Sylvester and I don't do much as soon as it heats up. This morning, we came inside Mikie's place for a little cream, to play, and to get our kitty treats when we go out. Then, we play and hunt outside. As soon as it heats up, we are in siesta mode until night. I'm lucky with my all white coat as it doesn't absorb heat. Poor Sylvester has mostly black fur and has to stay out of the sun.

    We are disappointed that we mostly missed the Superbowl but there are always other things to amuse us. Besides, those trimmers really took the wind out of the jays' sails. Now, as it should be, we rule the hood. Yeah!

    Love, Tweety

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