Shld I go to the Party?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by luv2float, Mar 14, 2009.

  1. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    So far this year I have missed every family gathering. My nephew is having a St Patrick's Day party and birthday party for my Dad who turned 88 today.

    It is cold and rainy here today and I feel like crap, as usual. I really wanted to make it tonight!
    Do I go and suffer probably for days from it? Or do I stay home, as usual? I just told my Mom I was hurting and might not go and she said "I knew you wouldn't make it!". That hurt, nobody understands how I feel or why I miss so many parties. I'd love to see everyone, I just don't know what to do.
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I can only speak for myself - no one else. I would not go just for your nephew's St. Patrick's Day party. Are you close to your Dad? If so, if it were ME, I would make an appearance for HIS birthday IF you can. If you can't, then you can't.

    I have found that the important things that this rotten condition has kept me from and the guilt that I have felt has been horrible. I've cried many a time - as my parents age, (I am VERY close to them), I try not to miss important things for them.

    That does not mean you have to party all night or even all evening. Are you able to stop in for cake, give him a big birthday kiss and hug?

    Like I said, no way could I make it to a St. Patty's day party, although I used to be able to and used to look forward to that kind of stuff. (many years ago!) You don't know how much longer your Dad will be around. For me, it's about if you are alright with missing it. It's really about how you will feel about it - no one else. Will you make your Dad's night by showing up? Will that make you feel good inside?

    Believe me, I know how hard this is. Oh do I.

    If you do decide to make an appearance - take a big long nap today - don't do anything else AND don't stay long or late.
    If you decide not to go - maybe you can make it up to your Dad in another way -maybe just you and he having lunch someday.

    Good Luck - I know these decisions are not easy. The party part would be easy for me - a big fat NO, its' the Dad part that would be hard.
  3. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    If you can not make it to your dad's birthday, you might want to write a special letter to him, sharing memories, how you will be celebrating/honor him even if you are home. Let him know that if you could have made it you would have. Leave it at that as you do not have to explain any more and it is his day.

    If you have something like a picture of you and your dad, or even a framed picture, makes the gift personal which I bet would make him happy.

    Of course I do not know what your relationship is.

    I was unable to attend my daughter's wedding and I she and her new husband a letter and made a memory book for them.

    Good luck.

  4. PainPainGoAway

    PainPainGoAway New Member

    I am just wondering if there are any ways to make accomodations for you so that you can go? It's a bit embarrassing, I'll admit that...but here's what has worked for me.

    My best friend throws parties or dinners all the time...our kids are the same age and so it's nice in that regard. But for me, it's a struggle. So a few years ago we worked out to where I could show up and have a quiet place to retreat if overwhelmed by the noise or hurting too much and needing to rest. I even stay the night (I'm a single mother of three, she's like a sister to me) many times just to make it easier for's worked for us and has kept me somewhat in the loop despite my health.

    At first I felt worse, sometimes missing out when I'm right under it. However, I've learned to just laugh it off, and join when I can, make no excuses when I can't-- and expect no one to follow me to the room to miss out themselves. I don't know if this party is at your parents house or in a public place, but maybe you could brainstorm ways to show up if you don't have to stay out the whole time, or like I do, take a break to rest your body/senses, etc.

    In my case, everyone that I know of is understanding, not expecting me to do more than I can...and it's branched out over time to other friends' homes...I admit I would rather have it differently, but I don't always have to miss out. I recently went to a quiet gathering at a home where I don't really know the hosts well, but my friend made sure I would have a place to lay down both in the party area and in private...I just about cried when I got there, as I wasn't expecting them to go out for someone they don't really know. I'm so glad I went, as I had a good time, and yes, I went back at regular intervals to get away...still had fun.

    It wouldn't work for public places or if your family/friends would make you feel worse for needing some space, but I'm grateful in my case it has worked out this way. Sometimes I can handle noise, sometimes not...but for pain, I'd take an extra pill or two (or whatever works) and some earplugs and see if it doesn't make a difference.

    Our friends/family hate seeing us like this too (even if they don't understand) and I realized it helped them to help me...does that make sense?

    Whatever you decide, you shouldn't feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

    Take Care,

    LISALOO New Member

    I read something that said, "Is this a should or want?" That helps me to decide what to do.