Sick of Taking Pills!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TeaBisqit, Mar 24, 2009.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Anyone want to sing along?

    "One pill makes you larger
    And one pill makes you small
    And the ones that mother gives you
    Don't do anything at all
    Go ask Alice
    When she's ten feet tall"

    I used to like that song from Jefferson Airplane, till I got sick :p Let's see, the night before last it was the blue gel capsules. Last night it was the orange pills, and tonight it was the light blue pills. Do they really do anything at all? Well, I'm still sick, so I guess not. Hoping tonight's will put me to sleep, though.
  2. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I have mostly stopped taking meds bc they mostly all make me worse (w/ a few exceptions) but i do take about a million supplements and I so totally despise taking them (I have noticed that they help, though....well some of them - others I take bc I have been shown to be deficient in them) still, it takes at least 12 oz of liquid to swallow all of the ones I take when I get up (& that's not including the ones that don't require D-Ribose, Cod liver oil, iodine, etc) (& it takes me about 10 minutes to be able to open them, take the pills out, swallow them, close them....not that big a deal, but when I am barely awake and struggling to do anything, it kind of sucks)....and then if I don't have some ginger ale I get really nauseous....and that's just round i can relate to what you're saying....although I do actually like that song : )

    Every time you write, I feel so bad for you, I wish that there was something I could do to help....I have a hard enough time living alone and I am not in as bad of shape as you are....I give you credit for managing & I know that you might be thinking that you don't have a choice and that I'm giving you credit you don't deserve (at least that's how I would probably think if I were you - actually that's how I tend to think in my own situation when someone says something similar to me)....but I do "see" something in you that isn't giving up and at least is still doing what you can when you can, and is still connecting with people on here, too....I know that might not seem like much, but somehow it gives me hope....and I am probably not explaining this well at all, but well, I just want to let you know that I am glad you are on here, and I am hoping and praying that someday you (& all of us) will find something that will help....and i wish that somehow I could bring you some more hope (& some help)

    & yeah, in case someone is reading this and hasn't read many of your posts, I am responding to other things you have written before, too (which I guess is kind of obvious)
  3. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Thanks :)

    Maybe some of my strength comes from that Marine mentality. My father was a Marine. I just plain don't give up that easily. It's also what has made me one of the top file coders in my gaming community. To be a coder, you can't give up. You have to punch it and punch it until it finally gives. Doesn't matter if you fail fifty times because on the fifty first, you'll get through.

    Faith is another thing. I believe there is some reason we got this. Maybe more than one, but I really believe that one day we will know fully why we got sick.

    I don't know why us, but I do know that it takes us out of society and makes us see things as they really are. Our perspective is different. Maybe God is using us to judge those who are cruel and evil to us. Maybe it's more of a test for those people and we are the instruments. Evil and cruelty are a choice. You never know what's really going on. There is so much more to this world than just what we can see.

    My own life has scary times ahead. I'm running out of money. I hope I'll get the foodstamps and medicaid back easily. If I do, and they give me the right amount in foodstamps, I can probably squeak by somehow. But it won't be fun. I hope this isn't how the rest of my life will be. It isn't a life, it's an existence. I wish I could have a real life again.
  4. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    YOU SAID: "My own life has scary times ahead. I'm running out of money. I hope I'll get the foodstamps and medicaid back easily. If I do, and they give me the right amount in foodstamps, I can probably squeak by somehow. But it won't be fun. I hope this isn't how the rest of my life will be. It isn't a life, it's an existence. I wish I could have a real life again."

    I am right with you financially, minus the medicaid - haven't tried that yet, but it's coming, I'm sure.

    I fear that this is the rest of my life - an existence and I can see now why suicide is one of the #1 killers of fibromyalgia patients.
  5. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Yes, in addition to losing everything else in our lives, we lose our income and have to be forced into poverty by this disease. I see no escape from it. I'm not well enough to work. I can barely even spend some time with a friend at this point.

    The poverty guidelines are too low. And you have to wait until you nearly literally have zero dollars to apply for foodstamps and medicaid. Obama was going to raise the guidelines, but it didn't get approved. So you are forced to keep spending more than you can afford until you have nothing, then you can apply.

    It's horrible, it's humiliating. We lose everything. Today, I actually had to go and speak with the woman who distributes the free food bags in my apt building and ask to be put on the list. I really felt awful having to ask, but I need the help. Once a month, this organization gives out a free bag of groceries to low income tenants of my building. It's not much, but it's a few days of free food. So I went and got the info. My next thing is going to be to get rid of my cable tv. I'm dreading it because I'm stuck home and it's all I have. I just have tv and the internet to keep me company. But I can't afford to keep paying for it. I'll keep the net, and see if they let me just get basic cable. And the long distance will have to go as well. I am losing everything in my life.

    I've lost my home, my friends, my family, my car, my ability to work, my physical body that was in shape before I got sick. I can't socialize unless it's with the smallest group of people and even then, I end up alot worse. Seriously, it's like what have I not lost at this point?

    Yeah, I understand why so many have committed suicide with this disease. If I had a handgun, chances are, I'd blow my brains out. The only thing really keeping me here is my cat. Other than my cat, there isn't much reason for me to stay, other than that if God wanted me to be dead, I guess I'd be dead. So there has to be some reason I'm going through this. I just wish I knew what the reason was.

    The only time in all eighteen years of my being sick that someone healthy understood how bad this is was when I applied for foodstamps about ten years ago. The social worker was a young woman and she said she would rather be dead than have this disease. She really understood the devastation. I wish more people did. Then maybe we'd get real help instead of being told to shut up and live with it.
  6. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Just to try and help you make you feel something is worth living for - you have a cat! I'd absolutely love to have a cat but I am allergic to them and it breaks my heart that I can't even have a pet.

    You are very lucky to have your kitty at least - I bet he/she is a great comfort.

    Hang in there - always here for you :)

    Love Bunchy x
  7. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I totally understand what you mean re: the financial aspects of this. I actually think that's what stresses me the most. I really, really hate all the other losses that this dd has imposed on my life, but i could handle most of them better if I were not afraid constantly of running out of money.

    I am on medicare and medicaid, but no one takes medicaid, so it doesn't really help. I applied for food stamps before, but they required an early morning appt at a place that is a bit of a distance away from me. I do not function at all in the mornings and I don't do well driving very far, so that was out. There are similar issues with applying for help with the electric bill. You would think that if disabled people are applying for things, they would realize that our disabilities might make it impossible for us to go to places to apply!

    I have looked and looked into finding a cheaper place to live and/or a roommate (& yes I looked into section 8 housing and all the similar types of housing assistance)....absolutely no luck so far....not even taking people for the waiting lists for housing assist at this point, and when they do, it requires going to the places to apply and waiting several yrs. And nothing I can find is cheaper, and actually at this point, due to mold issues I am even looking for other places that cost around the luck.

    I am getting quite a bit less than 1,000 a month and rent is 720 and going to go up again in a couple of months. How exactly someone is supposed to live on that I don't know. I don't have TV reception bc I don't have the money for cable, I don't go out, I don't order food delivered, I don't have ANY expenses that aren't absolutely necessary, except for the fitness center where I swim (& I cannot give that up bc it actually helps me to feel a little better, so it's not really a discretionary expense)....any time anything unexpected comes up, I freak my car needs the air fixed AGAIN and I totally cannot afford it, but I literally pass out when I get into a hot car, so it has to be done....and I am freaking out bc I am running out of money....and there are other things I need that I have no idea how to pay for....and I do mean need, not want (eye dr, underwear, etc).

    I do have one friend who really gets it, but she lives in Fl and I am in IL. She actually wrote me that she doesn't understand why I haven't ended my life. She was trying to be encouraging, though, saying that she understands how hard it is to live with this and that she is amazed that I haven't completely given up. I also have a few other friends who are still around, but even though they care and that is wonderful (it truly is), they really do not get it at all. One actually said to me that there is more to me than my illness, and basically that I should stop focusing on it. She meant to tell me that she sees more to me and I do appreciate that, but what she wasn't understanding is that I cannot do or be any of the other things that I used to do and be before bc this dd takes everything out of me, and I can barely manage to do the most necessary things required to keep living.

    Sigh....I don't want to be discouraging, but this whole thing does really suck.....and TeaBisquit I am so glad that you have faith. That is certainly the only thing that has kept me going much of the time. I do believe that there is a reason for everything, even this, and one day I will either get better, or will eventually die and then have an eternity to feel better. The Bible says that we will get new I look forward to that day!
  8. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Bunchy, hugs :D

    AuntTammie, one of my biggest complaints is that anything we can apply for, we are expected to actually go there. I can't do it. Most of the places are in terrible parts of town and for a disabled woman alone, no way. Other places are impossible to park at, particularly when you need a handicapped space. I convinced my one friend to drive me next week to sign up for the food bags because I can't drive there. And I don't do well trying to find places I've never been to. And I love how all the programs want you to show up at eight thirty or nine in the morning, when for people like us, mornings are a bad idea. I don't know how they expect people who are basically housebound to go, apply, and then every month pick the stuff up. Can't do it. I still don't even know how I'll be applying for foodstamps and medicaid when I can't park over there either. It's a small lot and if you dare to try to park anywhere else near there, they will tow you. I might try to get my friend to take me that day. Or go a half hour before they open at the crack of dawn and park. That will be so much fun :(((

    Only some clinics around here take medicaid. And only TWO docs in my area are accepting new patients with medicare. One is some foreign guy that I don't know if I'll be comfy with and the other one is in a building that's also impossible to park at. I'll probably end up going to the foreign guy. Great choices.

    That's another complaint I have. All the doctors are now saying they will not accept new patients. How are you supposed to get help if no one is taking new patients in your area??? There should be a law against that.

    I was hoping Obama would raise our SS checks a bit, but I haven't heard anything on that. Why we are expected to live in complete poverty while the government has proven they can come up with billions and trillions anytime they need to is beyond me. It's cruel and evil.

    When you are disabled, people don't realize that you need more of certain things, like toilet paper because you're always sick. I use about thirty dollars in toilet paper a month. Absolute truth. Between the stomach problems and the irregular bleeding that is what it costs me. Then if you add on all the extra period pads, fifteen or more dollars a month on that alone, depending on if it's bad that month. I spend about twenty-five a month on my stomach acid pills. Everything is more when you are sick. We should be allowed to count those things as medical expenses. But we aren't allowed. The stomach pills I take are OTC, so no one will count them.

    I hope things will get better. Right now, I don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's an awful position to be in.
  9. pitoune

    pitoune New Member

    From what I can see, most of you are somewhere in the United State and it seems like it's just as bad as here in Canada. This year in January, we got our yearly raise for our dissability and I got .65 cents a month. Youpi. grrrrrrrrrr. What the heck am I suppose to do with that big raise. I guess I'm lucky cause I still have my husband with me who has been so helpful thru all of this ordeal. Most guys would have walk out on me. I can't even remember the last time we did something. Not easy with all of the heaniated discs I have from the DDD. But he stands by me every day and helps me the best he can. He gets so upset when he sees me in so much pain and can't do anything to take the pain away for me. He is a gem. We are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary on April 21, 09 and he always tells me that I'm the best thing that has ever happen to him. I don't quite see it that way cause I think he deserves a lot better.

    I've been sick for over 20 years or so but completely dissable and wheelchair bound since 2002. I also get just under 1000$ a month but most of it goes for my meds. I get so frustrated to see how much more expensive equipment for the dissable are so much more expensive than anything else. I had to get an armrest for the toilet to help me switch from my chair and I paid over $100. for the stupid thing. Then I had to get another arm for my bed to help me roll over and get out of bed, another $75. We won't talk about the price of prescription cause it makes me crazy just to think about it.

    Then trying to go anywhere is most of the time impossible as most places don't have a ramp for people in wheelchair. Even some restaurant have different levels so again, no ramp for me to go up or down.

    Here in Canada we have a program called ADP (Assistance Devise Program) and if you qualify, they will pay up to 75% of your medical equipment. When I got my electric wheelchair, I applied and was lucky enough to be accepted cause the chair was $10,000. and there is no way we could afford that. It still left us with a $2,500. bill to pay and thank God, my hubby's insurance paid 80$ of it so I got some $450. I had to pay from my pocket. Now the fun part, they don't cover for a ramp to be installed in your house nor does the insurance company from my hubby. It's well over $12,000 and there is no way we can afford that so all I do all day is sit in that darn chair in what I call my golden jail (house). I used to love this house but I don't anymore cause I can't get out of it on my own. When hubby is at work, I'm stuck inside the house even if it's 100ยบ outside. I have to wait for him to come home and carry me out. I don't have a life anymore and have to depend on my hubby all the time.

    In the last 2 1/2 year, he has suffered 2 strokes and let me tell you, that scares the crap right out of me cause I don't know what would happen to me if he would get one during the night and I couldn't catch it on time. I used to be a Trauma Nurse and that's why I caught the first two he had and thank God he was home when they happened. So I'm for ever watching him to make sure he's OK.

    I've lost all of my friends, most of both our family members don't want to have anything to do with me anymore cause they just don't understand. I've thought about suicide many times my friends and almost did it one day. Thank God the pictures of my children, hubby and grand-children were in front of me cause that would have been it for me on that day. I had over 100 - 10 mg Morphine in my hand. I'm sure I would have had a nice sleep with that and would not have waken up but they saved my life that day so now I always keep them close to me as a reminder that life is still worth living if only to see my children get older and my grand-children grow up too.

    It is an awful position to be in that's for sure but hon, you keep your Faith in God. I'm sure there will be something good for us somedays after enduring all of this pain and frustration from life. You take care ok.

  10. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    TeaBiscuit my heart and prayers are with you dear. i know exactly where you are coming from, it's a tough ole fibro world we have. One thing we can look forward to is the $250 stimulous check coming in mid May this year. Every little bit helps. i had a hard time paying my electric bill and asked for extra time paying . electric company charged me an extra $25.00 to set up a payment plan. i had no choice but to set it up this way or i would have electric shut off. Seems like a cruel thing to do when i couldn't pay and to charge me more.
    Keep your Faith, that's something know one can take from us.
    Good to hear you have a cat, pets can be a great comfort.
    Your in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I don't know if you've tried it yet, but sometimes churches will help with a utility bill. But they only do it once. If you can't pay again, call a local church and ask if they can help. At least it's a one time thing.
  12. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    Hey thanks for the church suggestion. i'm not one to ask anyone for anything but i have to have electric. isn't it awful to cutback on so much and still hard for ends to meet. it's not a very good feeling---depressing.
    Thanks again, i appreciate you mentioning this, hopefully others in need will read this too.

    Wish you well
  13. italiano

    italiano New Member

    I am sitting here reading your posts. I am shaking my head thinking...they are saying what i am feeling and can't articulate. yes, it's an existence. I walk among people and yet feel so an alien. I too keep reminding myself that in the next life we will have new bodies and there must be some divine reason i have this illness. I am desperately trying to be normal and it doesn't work. it's hard when i have a loving husband but he is in excellent health and i can barely walk around. I often wished i had cancer or diabetes or some "real" illness that people understand. all i ever hear when i say fibromyalgia is...oh, take some aleve and stretch and don't eat processed foods....i just can't believe it.
    I only made myself get on the message boards now because I am done being in denial. I never wanted to be "one of those people". it's a scary place to be. thanks everyone for sharing.
  14. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Yeah, I call it passing for well. But you can't fake health for very long. People close to you see that you cannot keep up. We just aren't a part of their world anymore. Unfortunately, we are still forced to live in it. And it just doesn't work.

    I just hope we get answers some day.