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Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by NewEnglander, Mar 30, 2003.

  1. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    Hi there
    don't know if anyone can relate.
    I have fibro and fatigue. I have more bad days then good lately. I have mood swings from all the different meds plus not feeling well. I don't cook like I use too. I no longer work. I'm not as fun as I use to be, well bits and pieces of me shine through when I feel good. Its like I'm just so happy to have only a little pain. I get frightened some times when I can't get the pain under control
    I worry about how my husband feels. If he stills wants to be married. When I ask him he saids not to worry as long as I look good. that puts alot of pressure on me. He wants me curl my hair, and not wear it straight. and to dress in clothes that he likes. I can never gain wieght, any. people tell me I'm skinny but I think he wants me to lose more wieght. It's wierd but the skinnier I am the more he likes me. I can't believe I'm even writing this. I guess sometimes its easy to share your soul with strangers, mostly ones that share a boat. LOL
    ps I didn't mean to make the poor guy out to be a jerk, I'm no angel and he has alot going for him. I like to look good, I just don't want to have to. I just feel so frightened lately about so many things. fibro related of course. my doctor only gave me 2 weeks supply of the vicodin and I used more then I was suppose to and the soma is upsetting my stomach. I can't get anymore vicodin. okay now I'm just whining, its actually what I do. I'm not the only one here. I know you are struggling too. and I am so sorry. needed to vent. Still counting my Blessings, God Bless all of you

    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
  2. kgg

    kgg New Member

    I am so sorry that you feel the expectations of looking so nice. It makes me tired to hear that you curl your hair. I let mine grow and its very straight. Less work the better. . .

    I will be praying that you feel more secure in yourself and your marraige. And also (of course) for healing and relief of your pain. This is the right place to come and air your burdens and concerns. Hugs & Gob Bless. -Karen
  3. Bellesmom

    Bellesmom New Member

    It's really very hard to not feel good most of the time if not all and then have someone else's expectations ringing in your ear.

    Just come here and vent all you want - geez - you should see me. I have let my hair grow (thought I would cut it when I get well - ha ha) and I mostly wear my nightgown and robe (they're old and way too comfortable). I am in bed 22 hours a day and that's not by choice.

    My days of dressing up and looking good are way in the past and even tho I'm probably much older than you are, I do miss the old me when she looked "good."

    There is an inside to us, too. I hope when you are reflecting on yourself you will dwell on what's inside besides your pain and fear and be comforted that we'll be here for you in the good times and the bad.

    Do you feel better about yourself when you fix up or are you just doing it for someone else? I actually feel a little better for a short time but the effort makes the fatigue worse in the long run.

    I feel for you - having a companion is a good thing. Just wish they were more insightful about our bodily conditions.

    Don't be afraid to come and vent because we do it also. Soon you'll probably post something exciting that happened to you and we'll be here to rejoice with you also!!

  4. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    BUMP THANK YOU, so much for your letters.
    yesterday It was a really bad day for me. your letters helped so much. this board is the only place I don't feel alone in this pain that I am in. emotionaly and mostly physically,. I don't have a single friend or family member who understands. last night I was in so much pain That I think I took too many pills, I kept waking up and felt like I couldn't catch my breath. and of course I felt shaky and weird and my legs starting doing that twitching thing so I got up and had juice to try and get the meds out of my system. The vicodin helps me so much, its like a miracle for me but I have to ration them to 2 pills a day and I need at least 3 or 4 sometimes. The doctor is not going to give me anymore. she is going to put me on oxycontin and I don't want to be tired all the time. these give me some energy. and there fast acting. the soma works at night a little but there not strong enough plus I'm taking 2 klonopins and a hydroxyz for itching. could you tell me what meds your on? I feel better this morning after taking the vicodin and then writing to you.
  5. kredca4

    kredca4 New Member

    Well I'll start first with how I manage my Pain Meds.
    My Doctor gives me a months supply of Vicodins, because it's cheaper that way, and he trust's me. He didn't start out with that amout at first.
    I set my 3 aside, and I take the first vicodin of the day, and break it in half, I also have a cup of coffee or 2, no more than 2 tho and the IBS get's out of wack. then 3 hours later I take the other half, then at the afternoon dose, I take a whole one with my Soma, and Vistril, and then again 6 hours later, at bedtime.

    I get up very early, does not matter what I take, nothing keeps me asleep. Hubby's same way, so it works for us, and he rarely see's me looped, just kidding, very seldom get a Buzz, when you need them for pain, you don't seem to get buzzed from them. What they do is kill the pain so my Natural energy can go to work.
    I have FMS/CMP and they cause me to have Fatigue in the afternoon's. So I do my chore's, or fun stuff, the internet for an example, when other's in our Mobile Park are sleeping, then I join them later for a walk, but during the winter I don't do that as much. The damp fog we get in the am, kill's my legs and back. When the Sun comes out I'm in my Tired mode. Oh well.

    I don't cook in the evening, so I make dinner's in the am and freeze them, when hubby comes home he just Nukes them.
    Easy dinner's, nothing fancy. Plus he will cook, If I let him. Now that I have a dishwasher, it's a lot easier for me to cook, I hate cleaning up, but I rinse and stack as I cook, then toss it all in the washer either that night or in the morning.

    I just eat the same food all the time, what I call No Brainer's, just hate to Think about what to cook, for myself, but not for Hubby, have more ideas than energy when it comes to His meals. I have IBS/GERD so I am careful of what I eat.

    i still like to do my hair and put on makeup, I have a bedtray that I use so I can sit in bed and take my time, by the time I'm through, I actually feel better. Plus I scare myself when I look in the Mirror. lol.

    Most Hubby's are both Wonderful Guy's and Jerk's at time's, as my Hubby say's it's a Man Thing. You women have your Moods too. So true especially with the FMS and Pain, makes you a tad crazy sometimes. Through that in so the Guy's won't feel left out, ;o>

  6. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    from a man's point of view...

    i always thought beauty comes from the inside out...
    i'll never discount the "attraction" factor, but i still need to believe that a love is strongest at it's foundation...
    it may sound a bit idealistic, but for what it's worth, a house can weather any storm if its foundation is strong... because no matter what, if it is, you can always build up on it again... i fell in love with a "smile"... and whatever the rest brought me that was attached to that smile was irrelevant... i'm no hero... i'm just a believer in the things that last forever...

    i'm counting on the fact that your man loves you very much, and perhaps this is some sort of compensation for the situation as it is, or perhaps, in a roundabout way, it's his way of helping you cope with your internal problems by focusing on your external ones...

    men are a strange breed, i will admit...
    just dont ever be afraid to do what makes you happy and never be afraid to talk to HIM about what is on your mind...
    we've yet to be given any credit for being the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, nor are we much good at mind reading... :)

    the only thing you NEED to do is get well, find your peace, and never give up trying for either...

    in any case, good luck and love and peace...

    G H and the such..
  7. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    what a beautiful letter, I'd print it out but I dont think I could with a message board thread. Your a Blessing along with everyone else that has been so kind to me on this board
    Thank you
  8. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    wonder what happens when you get old, wrinkled and grey. Are you allowed to stay with him as long as HE looks good too? I don't mean to be mean about it, but I'm afraid my husband's ears would still be vibrating from what he'd hear if he told me that. My FM is severe, wasn't always and when it wasn't I did all the makeup, hair etc., now it's p.j.s, clean combed looong hair and a smile if I can muster one. After 30+ years we both still clean up well, but it's a rare thing. Christmas at our daughter's is about it. I'm not as "good" looking as I was years ago and he isn't either. That's just life. Looks change, rarely for the better, but still can be attractive~~or not. True love is the whole person and not based on just looks. More important is character, morals, kindness, generosity, being a loving person, forgiving and
    faithfullness. But that's just how I see it.
    Hugs, Bambi
  9. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Whats his problem???Looks are not everything ya know!!
    In my experience with men&looks......I've dated gorgeous men,that were mostly assh**es!!and then i've dated your not so great looking,and have been treated like gold by them!! I'd rather have a so-so looking nice guy.Then to be stuck with a hawk looking jackass!! I think men think the same way about women....I would hope anyway!
    So get a perm.Then you won't have to curl your hair.And do it for yourself,not for him! I don't mean to come across as a bit**,but my god! you sound like your a decent,caring woman,and that should be enough!! by all means,don't let yourself go!! but a person can only do so much when there fighting the pain&fatique of these DD!! be good to YOU!
    I'm sure your beautiful inside&out~Don't let him belittle you.
    trying to make a point..........
  10. sunshinegal

    sunshinegal New Member


    First let me say how sorry I am you have this DD, but how glad I am that you found this board. People really understand and even if there is a symptom or something that they may not themselves have, everyone is symapthetic and it really helps.

    As for your hubby-- it's hard to love someone who is in constant pain, and by that I mean it is hard to watch someone you love be in pain, particularly when on the outside they look "the same" as before becoming sick. I'm finally understanding a bit where my own hubby is in this mess. If you look the same, well then, by golly you must be "ok" and then he doesn't worry about you in the same way as if you looked sick. I certainly don't mean to say that since we don't look sick that we are not, because that is far from then truth and I am a living example of that. I look not like someone who is in excruciating pain most of the time. Part of that is good genetics and part of it is a good act, put on for my kids and others.

    Do what YOU need to do to get through your day. It's your body and only you can judge what you can and cannot do. If doing your hair makes you feel better, then do it. But if a ponytail or ball cap suits, then do that.

    You sound like such a sweet, caring and thoughtful person. I hope you make progress with the ideas people have put forth about meds and other things. Best wishes and gentle hugs.

    Peace and blessings,