Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by morningsonshine, Feb 16, 2008.

  1. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    My second grader had a friend sleepover the other night. It was this kids first sleepover, his mommy was all worried about him.

    This is her first born, you mothers out there you know how we are with our first borns when they are little!! LOL

    I'm much more laid back now and less freaky with my third child, the second grader, than i was with my poor first born.

    Anyways, this mommy is even more freaky than i was, made me kinda nervous to have the kid, especially in my not so perfectly neat house. Anyone else ever nervous about having people's kids over, because of this illness, and we don't function like "normals"??

    Anyways, we were doing this mom a favor, she had to take her youngest to get ear tubes at 5:30 in the morning, and wanted her other child to come home on the bus with mine, and go back to school with him the next day. While little brother was going to the hospital.

    My kids have learned to be pretty independent, specially when i don't feel good, they know how to feed themselves when mom's not up to cooking. And the middle one has been a good little baker since he was 10.

    We were sitting at the supper table eating, and i asked this kid if he wanted toast, he said yeah, so i made him some toast. Then he asked if he could have peanut butter on it, and i said sure, and handed him a butter knife, and the peanut butter jar.

    He gave me a funny look, then was working at buttering his toast, when he looked up with a grin and said, "i've never butter my own toast before."!!!!

    And he was having the time of his life doing it!! My kids were flabbergast!! They couldn't believe a second grader had never buttered his own toast before!!!

    There were some other things too, that implied that Mommy did everything for this kid, he would never survive long term in my house.
    Even if i wasn't ill, i would never want my child to be that dependent on me!! Wow, why create such helplessness in a person, specially a man-child.

    He was also rude to my child even tho they are friends, and lippy to me, i never got a thank-you when he left neither.
    What i found interesting was that my oldest sons 12, and 14, really noticed his rude behavior. Commenting how they would never act like that at someone elses house. (they really are good boys, i get lots of compliments on them, they just save the nasties for mom! LOL)

    Anyways, just sharing, mommies please don't make your children helpless. Help them to learn to do the things they are capable of.
    My children have complained about all the things i make them do, but i think they saw it in a new light the other day.
    And you would have laughed when you saw how much this kid actually enjoyed buttering his own toast.

    P.S. He also talked with his mommy three times that evening, and each time he complained to her about something she had or hadn't done for him.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2008]
  2. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    I cracked up when I read this. With three girls, I've had my share of sleepovers, some perfectly fine, some freakishly annoying, and a few, off the charts. I had an unwritten mental list of which kids could always stay over at a moments notice, which one's I needed a weeks notice to mentally prepare myself for, and which one's were never getting their whiny little selves under my roof again!! We had a kid here once who literally bounced off the walls all night long and another who snored so badly that we had to put the girls downstairs with the door shut so my hubby and I could get some sleep. Like you, I really didn't like to deal with kids who were 'mollycoddled' to death since I had always taught my girls to be self-sufficient and this was before my fibro really kicked in. I also used to like to have a little 'feel' for the parent of the kid staying over--basically had a better feeling about it if the mother and I were more or less on the same page so to speak. I learned this very early on when my twins had a little girl over to play from their nursery school class. They spoke so much about the child and the mom seemed pleasant enough (when I would pick them up from school) so I thought it would be okay for the little girl to come over and play. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and they played in our fenced in yard while I was out there too, to supervise. They did a craft at the patio table, and then came inside to bake some cookies with me. I did all this with an infant tucked under my arm. The twins and their friend settled down for a few minutes with milk and freshly baked cookies and I popped in a Sesame Street tape for them to watch while I fed my baby a bottle. The mother shows up then to pick up her child, and starts freaking out, screaming at me that she didn't send her kid over to just watch TV. Befor I could explain, she grabbed her (traumatized) daughter and stormed off. Even my little four year olds knew she was nuts. Unbelievably, when I saw this woman at the nursery school, she acted as if nothing had happened and actually asked to have my girls over!! I told her no, they play together enough in school, thank you very much, so I think she got the hint. I really learned a lesson from that one and from that point on, especially when the girls were smaller like your second grader, I only had kids sleep over if the mom's were already friends of mine.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2008]
  3. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I've enjoyed reading your sleepover post!,,reminds me of alot of sleepovers the girls had when growing up!,,,,,,sometimes it was the Country Kids hosting the City kids!,,,lolol,,,,,us being the Poor country kids!

    We did alot of free outdoor activites and the city kids were like "Whats going on?" ,,,,but learned to fit in!,,,,,,,,,,The girls did a pretty good job of learning to be self sufficent while i was working ,,,

    and then when i got i'll it was even harder,,,at times i don't know how we survived!,,,,,

    I remember one little girl who would only eat pb&j sandwiches,,,,,and like you said ,,i handed her the pb,,jam and bread,,,,,,it was funny to watch her having to do it on her own!

    Just think you just helped a kid become alittle more self sufficent!!,,,,,,,,Hugs!,,,,,,,,,Sis
  4. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Yes, I can relate to this. My son is always asking if friends can sleepover. What is strange is how comfortable I feel about the child and their parents makes a difference if it will be fun or not. If I get along really well with the parents and know them well, I feel much more comfortable having them over.

    I get a little anxious because of having FM too. I worry that I will not be in a great mood, and this will show to the child that is here, and he will run home and tell his mom how mean and awful I am. I mean, let's face it...when you have FM and you are in pain, it is not very easy to the the happy pollyanna mom you may want to be.

    I am also starting to notice that lately my son asks to sleepover other kids' houses. He really never asks for kids to come over here anymore. I wonder why that is. Is he already embarrassed at 8 yrs old of me? Does he think the other kids' homes are more fun and relaxed?

    He has a very good friend at school who he has asked to come over. We ran into the mom at a school play, and she told us she is just "not ready" for him to spend the night anywhere yet. He is in 3rd grade and has NEVER had a sleepover!! I thought that was odd. My son has been doing the sleepovers since he was 5 (usually with my nephew though).

    Also, he had another friend over who wanted to EAT constantly. I was getting so aggravated that I had to keep fixing him something. Then I saw my son making him stuff to eat! I was so glad my kids don't eat that much! Then everytime he comes here, he will start crying at midnight that he wants his mommy and wants to go home. Then his parents hop in the car and come get him. I'm so glad my kids have never done that, because I would not go get them. The apron strings need to be cut sooner or later!

    And it doesn't surprise me the kid didn't know how to butter his toast. I know some parents with teenagers who still do these things for them! What will they do when they are on their own? Call mommy and tell her to come over because they don't know how to butter toast???
    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2008]
  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    My best friend was married to a guy who didn't even know how to open a can of soup, add a can of water, and heat soup! He'd had his Mom do it all for him or other girlfriends until he met her...

    My husband and he were taking care of our collective kids while her and I stepped out shopping one day, my husband thought he was being funny at first!

    I suppose it's no surprise she eventually divorced him altho it took her 20 years to get tired of it.

  6. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    You're right about feeling comfortable w/the parents being an indicator.

    My son and the boy who came over have been friends in school and scouts for several years now. They're both good kids, did band together, and after school program. Have similar likes (computer games, etc.). His mom dropped him off Friday p.m., and she and my husband and I talked for almost an hour, just catching up. I told her (since the kids have a long weekend), we were just going to let them do whatever they wanted, within reason, and as long as they kept out time schedule for bed, etc.

    They had fun -- this kid is no trouble at all. His mom was in the military, and you can tell that our son's friend is a well-spoken and fairly self-sufficient kid.

    I like having him! I don't even mind that he tells me I have a messy car. I figure I'm making his own home look good!

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