Sliding down hill kinda fast

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by afeni, Mar 26, 2003.

  1. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Hi, I'm pretty new to the sight, and I love to read the messages and to answer. It has made me feel so good. Its almost like coming home. I haven't really been here for about a week. And I've missed it.

    But right now, I feel like I'm sliding down hill with rollerskates strapped on. I'm mad, because I jneed to get off, because I'm deep in the fibrofog, and its so hard to consitrate.

    Depression has settled in, took her shoes off grabbed my favorate blanket, and ain't budgin'. I've been putting up the good fight and right now things have started to get away from me. Everything has started to feel way too big for my shoulders, and good days are visiting less and less. And I am having the wierdest flare ever. I've had flares whwere its the paina nd fatigue that gets me. But now, I'm really tired, and the pain is up to about a 7 I guess, bad, but not impossible. But I feel like I'm on drugs, and that ain't it. its like my mind is in the same kwick sand as my body.

    I don't feel like I'm ready to give up, just really tired. And I don't like it 'cause I've got stuff to do. I want so much to feel better, and get back to what I was doing before to feel good, but I'm just too @#%&@# tired. I don't have the energy for nothin'. I just am layin here in my bed, mad because I can't stay focused for more than 2 sentenses at a time, which means I can't read this book I just got. And I love to read.

    Thanks for listening to my rambling (too fogged up to vent)
    Sorry about the spelling. I was just feeling lonely and frustrated.
    luv Afeni
  2. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    I am so sorry you are doing so poorly!! You were doing so much better and were so enthusiastic!! This is just a phaze that will pass. Please try not to give into it!!!!!!
    Have you changed your meds at all? I can tell you are a poet, I love how you describe things. I love to to put pen to paper on occasion myself and express myself creatively. Please email me and let it all hang loose, ok? Remember I am here, and you can vent as much as you want to. Hope your feeling better very soon, look forward to hearing from you. Love, Deb

    I will say a prayer for you tonight!
  3. bejo

    bejo New Member

    I understand what it means to love to read but can't concentrate enough to know what you're reading.I'm that way too.The fatigue is worse when I'm in a flare,which I am right now.But I know in a few days or so the flare will let up and it won't be quite so bad.I think the fog is worse at that time because we're just too tired to think. I'm rambling too,I always do when the fog is thick.It does feel like home here,doesn't it? I feel like I can ramble,vent or cry here and everybody understands.I'll stop my rambling now or I might ramble all night. LOLOL
    bejo
  4. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    Dear Afeni
    It is completely normal to feel the way you do right now, well until you feel better. and you will. I know that it feels lonely when family members and friend don't understand your pain.. its like nobody knows but you and your all alone in this all consuming pain and confusion. but your not alone. First of all God knows your pain. and there are alot of people on this board who seem to go through the same things. When your going through a fog state just put off all your paper work and any important calls that you might have to make. keep your chores to a minimal if you can. take care of yourself.. take a bubble bath if you can or just lay down and rest with a heating pad if that helps. have a bowl of icecream and watch a good movie. (don't feel guilty) some times I think I'm just going give up but now I know that I'm just taking a break.. Sometime I want to lay down so bad but I have to cook for my family and take care of my son. what I do is make super easy meals like french fries and fish sticks. I let the house go until I feel better. Basicaly what I do is take care of myself.. The only sad thing about letting the house go when I'm sick is when I have to spend my good days catching up on house work. I now Pace myself when I clean and do my chores. I conserve my energy. I don't talk on the phone when I know I have some energy, I tell friends that I will call them back (when my energy wanes a bit) I call this my down time. Do your best to ride out your flares and crying and feeling sad is allowed. sometimes I get really get angry, but I'm working on it.. I know sometimes these flare-ups can be scarey but just hang in there.
    God Bless
    Lisa
  5. seaview

    seaview New Member

    I could have written your letter. I spent all SAt.,SUN., and Monday in bed.Just completely whiped out! I was so frustrated because I have a family of 7 and my being down is not good. I have to lay down every day but I THINK by the weekends I just have nothing left in me. I am sorry you are going through this also. I understand how frustrating it is. On Sunday some girls who are friends of my boys came over and I think they were in shock at how messy the house was(I try and at least keep it picked up....but it is certainly not clean) because they did laundry, vacumned, laundry and so on. Yes, I was blessed! So, try to remember the good days when you are having the lousy days and know you are not alone......Kathleen
  6. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    Afeni,

    Well, here I am....the QUEEN of STONEY BABBLE!!! The Rambler-on Extraordiaire! (SP?)

    I am so sorry you are feeling so bad, Sweetie! You were kind to me when I needed it (on the Writer's forum), and I just need for you to know that I care about what you are going through.

    I remember, way far back, before I ever had any kind of diagnosis.....one of the things that I would tell people is that I felt like I had either taken poison, or some kind of weird drug! Stoned, spaced out, strange! Long before I was on meds!

    And the way it would come on so SUDDENLY! Like sombody just flipped a switch and turned off my power supply, and unplugged my brain!

    I also love to read......and I totally know what you mean about how hard it is to read at these times. I often find when I try to read, I will read the same sentence or two, sometimes, even couple of words....over and over, before it actually sinks in. It is like by brain would skip over words at times.....or like the words would enter into the "hallway" of my brain, but not make it into the "family room" until I had re-read them two or three times!

    I have never understood for sure.....although I have heard some theories.....as to why it is so difficult for me to read, and put the words and sentences together, but it is not as difficult for me to put thoughts down "on paper". Although, by that, I mean on computer, cause I can type a whole lot easier, faster, and with less pain, that I can write by hand. With you being a writer, do you find that to be the case for you, too?

    It is like we have a one-way brain sometimes!

    I wish I could give those shoulders of yours a good, gentle massage, to ease the pain of all the weight on them! I used to be really good at that!

    I am one messed up cookie right about now......but I do know that both of us WILL have some good days again. You are in my prayers, and I hope you will feel better very soon! HANG ON! I like to read your stuff on the Writer's Forum! I don't reply to posts as often as I wish I could....but I will try to do better.

    I am rambling again......DANG!!!!!!

    God Bless!
  7. jstbrznby

    jstbrznby New Member

    My Goodness, I just rambled on all by myself to everyone and all I should have done was a DITTO to your post! I,too, feel like I have come home, I don't know how else to describe it! And, these episodes, you do a great job of painting the picture, I am so sorry you are having such a bad time of it! I have had so many of those episodes it hurts to read yours. Has your doctor ever talked to you about Provigal? You may already be on it which would make this sugesstion out dated, however I just can't say enough about it. It really gave me my life back, Now that I know what my problem really is I don't worry about taking it, it really helps. I better let you go, I won't bother posting again until I check in to see where you are as you pretty much described everything I wanted to say as well! Hope you feel better very soon. Cheers & Hugs....JYN
  8. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Today is a new day. My mind is cleare and I have more energy today. I'm still alittle foggy and tired, but at least I'm not dizzy when I stand up. I was writing yesterday wondering if I was making any sense at all, but missing the board.

    The only meds I'm on right now are pamelor, flexiril, and
    tramadol. I know I need to do more for myself, and I made a list of all my symptoms, and I discussed it with my pain doc. We agreed that every visit, I would choose a couple os symptoms to adress. That way neither one of us would be overwhelmed by the sheer weight of everyhting thats got me down. And the last time I saw him, I didn't talk about anything but all the stress in my life, my migrains, and how tired I am. He asked my husband if there was anywhere he could send me for a while.

    He told me to let things go and take care of myself. But I never learned the fine art of loving myself, like I love my family. I really try, but I am a worrier by nature, and somewhat hardheaded. But I mean well.

    I know that the best thing to do, is take some time off, and get some much-needed rest. But my life keeps getting in the way. And I think I needed to go to some kind of rehab that teaches I MUST DO EVERYTHING MYSELF junkies how to act right, and deligate. Anybody have any ideas???

    Thanks again for all the love guys, its just what the doc ordered!
    hugs and lol
    Afeni
  9. idiotsinc

    idiotsinc New Member

    A lot of fibros don't like to even considering counseling but if you find the right shrink or therapist it will help, it has me. There has been alot of research that shows a possible neurological basis for fibro, which doesn't mean it's all in your head though. My shrink talks a lot about the connection between the mind and physical pain and how you have to understand and work on both to ever hope to get relief. There are good ones out there, you may have to do some searching. If you don't like one, don't go back. Keep searching until you find the right one. I'm taking treatment for ADD (Ritalin and Buspar) and I've been getting better, doing alot of things I haven't in years. It's a somewhat slow journey but after 25+ years of pain I'm not expecting instant miracles. Starting to ramble (like I said, it's a journey, I'm not there yet), better sign off.

    Bob
  10. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    feel free to vent as we all have at one time or another. We've all been in those same skates at one time or another. dolsgirl
  11. evileva

    evileva New Member

    One thing about it, you're in good company here! I have felt just like you, I too love to read. When the fog is bad it takes me forever to just read one page and then I can't remember what I've read. The good thing is that it saves on buying books cause I can read the same one over and over again. lol It will get better, there are good days and bad days so we just have to hang in there for the good ones. Take care of yourself.
    Eva