So depressed and exhausted

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaymac42, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. kaymac42

    kaymac42 New Member

    I just need to vent a little. I've just gotten out of the hospital after a bladder infection went bad. Doctor treated me a month and it still progressed to kidney. So after a week in the hospital and a week at home, the infection is better, BUT I feel terrible. Fibro is awful, osteo in knees is horrible, my messed up heart beat is stressing me, hard to breathe, exhausted, weak, puny, and really mentally depressed!

    My thyroid messed up in the hospital and they put me on anti thyroid meds. Had blood work last week, they said it was fine now, get off them. Now I feel like my thyroid is broke period!

    What really has me down is I must return to work tomorrow or ask for a leave of absence. I don't feel as if I'm ready. I get up to dress and stir around and I get sweaty, weak, feel like I'm going to pass out. My back and stomach ache while standing. I just feel ill.

    Hubby said I can seek my disability. So where do I start in a nutshell? Call and get an appt with our SS office?? Try to keep working? Tell my boss I need a leave of absence or just give my notice? The STRESS of all this, this time of year is really exaggerating all my ailments.

    I feel as if I've let everyone down. My coworkers have worked extra for me and have been good to me being out this long. My family has waited on me hand and foot. Yet I still feel so isolated and alone and lost as to what my future holds now. I'm just scared.
  2. loto

    loto Member

    hang in there. I know those probably aren't good enough words for everything you've been through, and are still going through.

    I couldn't imagine going through all of that! Not sure what I would do, I'd probably feel like just giving up.
    Can you put in for a leave of absence for a while? Eventually your strength should build back up and you'll be able to go to work again.
    I can imagine feeling the fear you do about your future.
    Please think all of your options through carefully. I have a tendency to make rash decisions and end up regretting them later!
    Please just know that you have much support here! And it sounds like your family is being really understanding.

  3. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator


    I can't help you with the disability aspect, but when I read your post, you sure sound like you could have a chronic borrelia burgodrferi infection (lyme) and associated coinfections like babesia, bartonella, ehrlichia, etc.

    It is very possible that you have had a "lyme test" in the past, which was negative, and then your Dr told you that you didn't have lyme.......which is NOT how lyme is ruled out.

    If a Dr does that, he knows nothing about lyme.

    Lyme is never ruled out by just a negative test.

    Remember that lyme is really a complex bacteria....and that is why it can be the cause of our illness.

    Chronic infections, fibromyalgia, arthritis, heart problems, fatigue, breathing difficulty, weakness, depression are all lyme symptoms....along with others.

    Please look at the symptom list on pages 9-11 of this very important paper.........

    Take a look also, at the coinfection symptom info on pages 22-27 of the same paper.

    Unfortunately, many people with chronic lyme are undiagnosed because 99% of Dr's do not know how to recognize, diagnose or treat it.

    Lyme literate MD's who are ILADS trained are the experts.

    Here are some more links where you can read some basic info that may help you.......

    Many, many people who had FMS or CFS diagnoses later learned that the CAUSE of their symptoms was the bacteria borrelia burgdorferi and associated coinfections.

    Until you find the real cause of your illness...instead of being told there is "no known cause", you can't really get better.

    All the best to you.
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Have you checked out the disability board? This subject comes up frequently.
    Most people recommend getting an attorney.

    The Soc Sec Office is not in busy to help you. Most people are automatically denied.
    You have to appeal to win. The whole process usually takes a couple years
    from what I've read.

    I disagree w/ the view that you've let people down, but I can understand that you
    feel that way. You might want to visit the depression board. Some nice people
    there to talk to.

    Good luck.

  5. Malcolm82

    Malcolm82 New Member

    I had to leave my job a little over 2 years ago because of CFS. Whatever you do, don't quit your job! Tell your doctor how you are feeling and say you just don't feel you are up to going back to work, at least yet, and ask if he or she will support you going out on short term disability. If your doctor says yes, contact your employer, explain the situation, and then ask them for the paperwork you will need to file for short term disability. There is usually paperwork for you, your doctor, and your employer to fill out, and with STD, generally all the paperwork has to be returned to your employer who will file the claim. Don't worry about Social Security Disability right now. You only qualify for that if you have been disabled for a year or are expected to be. Looking back, I was almost in a daze when all this happened to me, but the thing to do is plan for the worst and hope for the best. In my state, New York, you can be on STD for 26 weeks. Other states may be different. In that time, you may recover enough to feel like you will be able to try to go back to work, but the STD will give you some much needed recovery time, plus time to figure out what you may need to do if you remain disabled after 26 weeks. If you do have to file for SS eventually, I would HIGHLY recommend Allsup at 1-800-560-1410. Save this number! They are not attorneys, but a company run by former SS employees who can help you through the entire process and don't charge any up front administrative fees like attorneys do. Call them even if you are just thinking about filing. They got me approved in less than 6 months, which is unbelievably fast with the kind of conditions we have. I'm sure others on this board will corroborate this about Allsup. They are fantastic!.

    I know you are going through a rough time right now, but you have our support. You've come to the right place.
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    If, in the future, you have to quit your job, so be it. But I think Malcolm is correct: first do everything you can to get short term disability. It is possible that after a good rest, you will feel up to returning to work. If you don't, then you can take the next step.
  7. onset1990

    onset1990 Member

    I quit and retired early because of CFS. Then I found out I could have delayed my retirement while out on temp disability! There are ways to delay quitting until you have better means of replacing your income. I suggest you follow their advice and the leads provided to get out of work legally and get some badly needed rest.

    aussiewoman is right. You need to listen to your body. I worked until I was sleeping in the car during my breaks (and my inflammatory response was almost lethal). I could not stay awake any longer than an hour or so at a time. Plus my body was shot. But I didn't think I could give up. Four years later, I think it saved my life to leave. I just wish I had known how to do it with some support. I just quit.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/12/2009]
  8. daboysone

    daboysone New Member

    What a difficult decision to have to make! I had so much guilt because I wasn't working while waiting on my disability. Mine took 2 official "no's" when I applied myself through SS. The 1st no came and then I appealed and got the 2nd no. Then I went to a well known lawyer here, presented my case and he agreed to take the case. It then took another 2 yrs before my hearing and a win! Total time without money approx. 3 years. If it hadn't been for me living with my mother, child support (small amnt), food stamps, and medical cards along with loans from dad (which he did not want paid back!) and the bank I wouldn't have been able to do it!

    Do you have any vacation time due? Any more sick days due? If yes: start by taking those paid, then either a medical leave or personal leave of abscence (of course unpaid) and when that is exhausted I would take my FMLA leave.

    Some companies have a general medical leave that won't use your FMLA but you have to be very careful when signing your LOA papers and make sure that it is not written in as FMLA.

    Maybe that helps? Just hang in there and do one step at a time. 1st go to the SS office and get the paperwork in.

    Remember, all medical data from dr's office, hospitals, testings, very very specific about your medical issues ex: pain...when I stand I have shooting sharp stabbing like pain in my lower back and it is about an 8 on the pain scale, it goes down into my left buttock area and down my left calf and into my toes. I have had this pain for 6 months now and would like to find out what is causing it. It gets in the way of my job (explain how) and my everyday life (again explain how) and seems to be getting worse.

    Also tell the dr what helps, (ex: laying down on a heating pad 4-5 times a day for 60 mins) what doesn't help (ex: motrin, tylenol.etc)

    Make sure you go to your pcp everymonth and document each visit throughly. Also you can ask for a quicker hearing date due to extreme life duress (you are homeless, etc...)

    Just some thoughts. Hope they help and good luck. Remember this is not a fast process! Hugs M