So depressed this Holiday season :(

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Dec 10, 2010.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    I am so dreading the Holidays this year, well actually I do every year. I am not a Holiday person, too much expectations, it's a reminder of how alone I really am, more so than any other time of the year. I know I'm not alone in thinking like this, and it's hard for a lot of people.

    I always thought of the Holidays as a time for children or large loving families. I have none. I have a small family of just my mom, nephew, sister and brother-in-law, but we are not as close since my father passed away two years ago.

    I am trying to hard to be "thankful" for what I do have, it's just not working for me. Even at work, people are just not much in the Holiday spirit. We had a wave of lay offs, not much, and I am still presently working, but the anxiety just hangs over my head.

    My sister's husband has a new job in sales, and he's not doing well. There is tension in their household, which just adds more misery for her family.

    For me, I just feel that if I'm not dating someone, (haven't dated in years) the Holidays seem so lonely. I sometimes wish I were a kid again (before the FM) feel the "magic" of the season, hate to sound childish here, but it really is how I feel.

    I have been crying on and off now for a week, I'm tearing up now. I haven't been getting any sleep, I have a cold going on right now, and I'm in worse pain. I know that this just adds to the misery for me, but I am so tired of my overly sensitive body. I can't even go out after work for a decaf coffee with a friend without it "flaring" me up. Maybe it is good I'm not dating someone, I can't imagine having to tell him about my health and how sensitive I am, I wouldn't even know what to talk about anymore or even how to act on a date. Does anyone else feel this way?

    The only "up" side to all of this is that I did find a doctor of rheumatology on the "good doctor list" from this site, and he does take my insurance, so I have an appointment in January. The last 3 rheumatologists I have gone to have been useless, maybe that is why I'm so down as well.

    I'm so sorry my friends, this post is a downer, just what you guys don't need, but I feel so awful and alone. I better go, I'm just repeating myself and venting. Hugs to you all, Chelz.
  2. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    I feell pretty much in the same boat with you.

    I was dating someone but decided it is just to difficult with this illness.

    Pretty much every thing you have said is going on with me too.

    Wish you lived close to me and we would get a group together and have a nice day.
  3. shaz73

    shaz73 New Member

    to hear that you are feeling this way. What you said about "too much expectations" is absolutely right - I do feel in the Western world in particular we have to hype EVERYTHING up to a level that it just can't reach, and then we wonder why we feel so flat afterwards (or even before hand for that matter!). The actual real message of Christmas gets so lost in all this spending, eating, stress in families, stress without families etc,.

    I do find this time of year difficult as you can feel that everyone else is having fun EXCEPT you. You know what? Thats a lie...

    Practically, I think you need to take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself and don't let the "madness" out there fool you.

    Take care of yourself, Shaz
  4. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    sorry Too Chelz,

    the holidays brings it out a lot for us dosen't it. It's especially depressing when i see all the people packed in the malls and fighting over tv's on black friday.

    we tend to forget what it's all about, as Jam said.After a good cry this Morning because of the pain, Nausea, no sleep, and a Husband that dosen't care one hoot if im sick or not. i started counting the blessings i do have.

    the old saying " this too shall Pass" is too true!!! it's the waiting till it does that sux,lol. glad you found a new Dr. thats always reason for hope.

    once that cold is on it';s way out the other things will be easier to deal with. keep us posted on your new doc, Hopefully he will be able to help you thru this.

    Take care

  5. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I agree with others - it would be good to dial down your expectations. My kids are grown and are in Texas with the grandkids. If I focused on that, how far away they are, I could be plenty unhappy, but life is too short. Expectations are mainly created by all the commercials of what Christmas is "suppsoed" to be like. And if that is the only acceptable Christmas, as portrayed on TV, then I think most of us would be very depressed. But it's not.

    It is really nice you have family around - my mom died 3 years ago and my dad died last summer. My family is somewhat scattered though I do have a sister in the area who I am very grateful for. Someone had a very good suggestion for you and your sister to try to help your mom.

    When you say you "feel" that if you're not dating someone the holidays are lonely, that's actually a belief, not a feeling. If I believe I have to be dating someone to be happy, then I'm condemning myself to a miserable existence if I'm not. Well, lots of people are on their own and doing okay. Yeah, it would be great to have a perfect partner, but life just isn't always what we think it should be. I find I do better when I accept life as it is, instead of rejecting it because it doesn't meet my expectations or isn't what I want. Too many damn TV shows with fake happy endings I think cause a lot of unhappiness when real life isn't like that! Also, plenty of people with partners are plenty unhappy - dating someone is not a guarantee of happiness or contentment. Actually I think someone has to be happy within themselves first before they can be happy in a relationship with someone else (I speak from experience).

    And I think it's great news you found a doctor from the "good doctor" list who takes your insurance - that is HUGE news. So many people with FM or CFS don't have that. January is right around the corner. I think that's really exciting.

    There is no question that FM and CFS are extremely difficult illnesses to deal with and can be very isolating to boot, adding insult to injury. Have you ever seen a naturopath? They may take an alternate route with FM, focusing more on nutrition and supplements and may do testing the rheumatologist won't.

    Anyways, you're not alone. Take care -

  6. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Hi Chelz, I am sorry that you are feeling down in the dumps....I wrote you this really long, rambling message and then dozed off before I hit the submit button and poof! gonzo!

    Maybe that was a message to me to just get to the point?

    Christmas is just a day on the calendar. Yes, it is a day we picked to remember Christ's birth but it isn't the actual day of his birth.

    so, don't think you have to meet certain requirements to do it "right".....try not to blow it all out of proportion.....all over the world ppl are working on christmas....or some ppl are sick and in the hospital....thousands of miliary ppl are in Iraq and Afghanistan and where ever!!!

    stores are open, pizzas are delivered, movies can be rented or seen in the theater.....

    It is up to YOU how you want to spend the day. With some of your family? maybe....maybe not....with friends?......or in peace, by yourself, watching every season of Friends, eating Doritoes and m&m's with a pizza scheduled for delivery at suppertime! What is so wrong or bad if you chose to be alone? It is not really any different than wanting to spend a day alone any other time of the year....."but it is Christmas!!!" so what? tell that to the ER nurse holding the vomit basin.....

    Don't make this one day of the year such a high pressure situation! Not everyone in the world is Christian and they don't do anything on Dec 25....If you are Christian, you get to honor the birth of Christ however you want to. There are no requirements, no rules....

    Not everyone has a large family with children gathered around the tree.....and even if they did, that doesn't guarantee that it will be magical!

    So give yourself some peace and just do what you feel like doing on Christmas! No are not a loser if you don't have some special dinner plans....or gift is just another day on the calendar.....remember that...

    I hope that your cold heals quickly and congrats on finding the new doc!!! Take care...and chill....relax....
  7. artyreader

    artyreader Member

    I loved your posts--you said it so well. I have spent some holidays alone (especially since 'coming down' with fibro, and the financial and social restraints it can impose) and sometimes I am invited to friend's or neighbor's houses.

    I do have some family about two hours away, but my experience with family (not just on holidays) has not been the best.

    I don't know exactly how I'm going to spend this Xmas, but I called our local synagogue (and I'm not Jewish--) and they are going to have a fun, "traditional" (for American Jews, anyway! :) "Chinese food and a movie" on Christmas Day, and I'm seriously thinking of going.

    It sounds fun, and a way to meet people, or at least hang out with others for whom December 25th is not necessarily the often highly over-the top pressurized thing it's become for so many.
    Is it easy to be alone on a major holiday? No, and yes, as said above. Feelings are feelings, and lonlieness and feeling left out are valid emotions, these 'special days' are also just another day on this earth, but yeah, I've both enjoyed the times I spent a holiday alone and also felt a pinch of pain.
    And yeah, just because someone is in a couple, there is a lot you don't see, and being in a relationship can be incredibly rapturous and joyful but the day to day of it can have a lot of boredom, irritation, misunderstandings, feelings like you have to give too much of yourself up just to be with someone
    I'm sorry, I am rambling. . . I wish everyone an awesome beautiful holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas and its haunting beauty, or Hannukah, Kwannza, Diwali (I'm sure I'm forgetting SOMEbody's holiday!) {smile} or you celebrate a day to yourself, to read any old thing you wanna, sleep/rest, pray or meditate if you believe in that, watch some good movies, bake some cookies--sorry I'm not more original. This is a special time of year (it can be very sad and bittersweet, but also it can be lovely and enchanting)

    When I've been alone on holidays it can be painful and lonely, but it can be, as said above, a time to yourself, a time for a certain quiet and space that other days don't have.

  8. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You got some excellent advice and responses. I wish I could remember who said what!

    I wholeheartedly agree with a couple of points - one being that being in a happy relationship won't happen until you're happy with yourself.
    Secondly - make the day or the holiday season what you want it to be. If it isn't right now, (and it's obvious it isn't) one thing that is sure to make you feel better is to "Pay it forward", do something simple for someone else.

    It doesn't have to be any extravagant or costly. For example, in our area we have something called "Adopt a Senior", it's for people in Assisted Living or nursing homes that have NO ONE that visits or calls. They are so happy to receive a box of chocolates and small Teddy Bear or even 10 minutes with someone. If that's not for you because of time, physical challenges, is there anyone at work who needs some cheering up? A heartfelt card, plate of cookies, a Christmas ornament could very well be the one thing that brightens their day/week/month!

    I always wanted to go to the Children's hospital and visit the kids on Christmas. That is still on my bucket list.

    I haven't been in the "mood" at all, I'm trying believe me! I think I've rushed myself at the end, realized it doesn't work for me. I'm incredibly stressed out, BUT have told myself there's only so much I can do and the MOST important thing is to slow down, take time to reflect, be grateful for the beauty in life and the gift that every day really is.

    Life is not easy for us, nor is it easy for so many people. I think of those little kids who have nothing for Christmas, who don't have a home, who are terminally ill..... it's pretty humbling.

    Lastly, I recommend watching some good comedys on TV or rent some. Sometimes you just gotta give your mind a break!

    I wish you peace and happiness!