I am so dreading the Holidays this year, well actually I do every year. I am not a Holiday person, too much expectations, it's a reminder of how alone I really am, more so than any other time of the year. I know I'm not alone in thinking like this, and it's hard for a lot of people. I always thought of the Holidays as a time for children or large loving families. I have none. I have a small family of just my mom, nephew, sister and brother-in-law, but we are not as close since my father passed away two years ago. I am trying to hard to be "thankful" for what I do have, it's just not working for me. Even at work, people are just not much in the Holiday spirit. We had a wave of lay offs, not much, and I am still presently working, but the anxiety just hangs over my head. My sister's husband has a new job in sales, and he's not doing well. There is tension in their household, which just adds more misery for her family. For me, I just feel that if I'm not dating someone, (haven't dated in years) the Holidays seem so lonely. I sometimes wish I were a kid again (before the FM) feel the "magic" of the season, hate to sound childish here, but it really is how I feel. I have been crying on and off now for a week, I'm tearing up now. I haven't been getting any sleep, I have a cold going on right now, and I'm in worse pain. I know that this just adds to the misery for me, but I am so tired of my overly sensitive body. I can't even go out after work for a decaf coffee with a friend without it "flaring" me up. Maybe it is good I'm not dating someone, I can't imagine having to tell him about my health and how sensitive I am, I wouldn't even know what to talk about anymore or even how to act on a date. Does anyone else feel this way? The only "up" side to all of this is that I did find a doctor of rheumatology on the "good doctor list" from this site, and he does take my insurance, so I have an appointment in January. The last 3 rheumatologists I have gone to have been useless, maybe that is why I'm so down as well. I'm so sorry my friends, this post is a downer, just what you guys don't need, but I feel so awful and alone. I better go, I'm just repeating myself and venting. Hugs to you all, Chelz.