SO discouraged! I need a HUG!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Saoirse3, May 7, 2012.

  1. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    Since January, we have been looking forward to our daughter and granddaughter coming up to Alaska to see us. Of COURSE, we paid for everything - plane tickets, RV rental, fishing charter - everything so our granddaughter could have a lifetime experience. We decided that her little brother was too young to make the 14 hour plane ride, and my daughter told the child's father that she was leaving that week and he needed to be off.

    The trip is the 26th of May and TODAY, "daddy" comes up with a lame excuse about not being able to get off work, so they can't go. My suspicion is that he never even asked. He's mad because my daughter left him, and never liked my husband and I. He said I was just a hypochondriac, pill popper whenever I had a bad day (including a TIA, which hospitalized me!)

    I don't care so much about the money we spent as my little granddaughter was SO looking forward to this! I have only seen her twice in the last 5 years. And it was holding ME together, giving ME something to look forward to as well.

    I feel like there is nothing left. Every time I get my hopes up, something crashes them down. I can't take the stress any more and I'm not sure I want to. It's like crying in a cave. You're alone in the darkness and no one can hear you. I can't handle anybody's life but my own right now. Only my husband seems to know what I go through (except all of you, of course). I tell my doctor about my pain and he said to go see a psychologist because I'm "not stable" and "easily stressed". EASILY? I'd like to put him in MY shoes for a day and see how "easily" HE deals with constant pain, a bi-polar kid, a PTSD kid, a depressed kid and an alcoholic kid!

    I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but in a year's time I have gone through hell (read some of my earlier posts). If it weren't for my beloved pets and my husband I think I would go completely bonkers. All I can think of is to get my mind off all of this by maybe taking some online classes and shifting my focus to something entirely different (like, maybe...ME!). Maybe learning a new language besides "colorful".

    I'm so sorry to vent like this, but I just knew all of you would understand when life just kicks you to the curb.

    Soft hugs,
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    It is after 3 in the morning and something urged me to ck here before once more attempting to sleep.

    Your post could have been written by me(not as well). This past year has been a kicker(heck last 5).

    My cave is getting darker but just wanted to give you a soft cyber hug...I do understand and no sorry's are neccesary...

  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    Sending you lots of hugs.

    Is there any way they could come with the youngest anyways and adjust your plans?
  4. pogwarden

    pogwarden New Member

    I sad for you. As grandparents, my wife and I struggle with having our grand kids in Wyoming. We are in Oregon. Doesn't sound so far, but travelling is something I dont do well. We live on facebook video's and pictures my daughter posts. :)

    Is your grand daughter old enough to travel alone? Perhaps she can spend the summer with you. Just a thought.

    This is my first post on this forum. I dont do this kind of thing often. Tonight is simply a bad night and I had the need to read about other folks who struggle with CFS.

    Look to the future. There is time for you to see and be with your grand kids. Be patient. I understand the anger toward your ex son-in-law and encourage you to not let him affect you. Water off a ducks back. While you wait for things to work out I offer this rule to help you:

    Do fun things twice.

    So, posting stuff is not my strong point. Sigh.... Be happy with what you have and can do in the moment. At least for me, thats the only way I make it day to day.

    Friendly, sympathetic, and understand hugs to you and a steady stream of positive vibes.

    - Pogwarden/Oregon

  5. MicheleK

    MicheleK Member

    When I read your post, I felt it. I felt the pressure, the losses, and the broken heart longing for a meaniful visit with your granddaughter. It is indeed a lot to carry inside oneself. I am glad you shared your feelings with us. All of us can probably remember doctors such as you described who came and went in our lives. All of us can relate to how tiring living with a chronic illness is and how very little our world has become. There is a proverb that says: Expectation postponed is making the heart sick. This surely fits what you are feeling right now after finding out the wonderful trip planned is not going to happen. I hope your daughter will find a way to come anyhow but if not I am sending you a heartfelt hug and bunches of empathy. Hugs, MicheleK
  6. Trnsplntsyr

    Trnsplntsyr Member

    People do not understand we are not like other people who have lots of things to look forward to.
    We fibro people have only thoes things we can manage to look forward to. Like see people who we have not seen in years.
    Stacy I have a daughter in rochester, Ny. I was not able tosee her married a little over two years ago. i have yet to see her 1 and half year old daughter. we are alittle exstanged because somethings that happen in the past. I still chat with her onlone when she comes on. she is so busy with work and the baby. I live way down here in NC. One day I know I will go back to upstate NY and be able to see the rest of my familyincluding her and her family. So I sort of understand what you are going through.
    People who do not understand should realize that we with fibro do not understad them. Why they cannot except us taking pills, falling a sleep when they can stay awake and having to not push ourselves like we used to.
    Taking an online course or a hobby might help. i to feel like crying out of pain or frustration. Sometimes I do. But the next day my hope returns I start getting on my feet. I would get angrey at the dad who did not take time off. Also maybe he was afraid to ask for time off because he might of thought he lose his job. where I work I am only the depenable one there. My boss would go bonkers if I stoped working.Ye i syill work about 20 to 24 hours aweek. it is hard for me now becuse I am having a small set back. but i am still there. i get afraid sometime to ask my boss for a weekend day off there is no one there that is capable as I am. But someday soon I am going to ask if I can have memriol day weekend off.
    I am whishing everyone Love joy and peace,
  7. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    We found a way and my daughter wil be able to make the trip. I found and paid for a week's worth of daycare, and found a shuttle to pick them up so there won't be any teary airport scenes.

    I am thinking it's more my daughter's fear of leaving him than anything. She has never been away from him for a minute since he was born. He has no kids his own age to play with, she does everything for him. He grunts and points to what he wants, and makes no attempt to use the toilet. He's 3 1/2 years old! I told her, she had better be prepared for kindergarten next year, because no teacher is going to put up with that. The other kids will laugh at him and he'll be put in special classes. And he'll drop out of school (not while I have breath in my body, I'll sit in class WITH him and poke him with my cane! LOL!)

    I'm trying to convince my daughter to come up to Alaska and stay with us until we move to Atlanta. Her response was "And live in the middle of nowhere and be miserable?" I asked her exactly what part of her life was so exciting now that she couldn't leave it? She was forced to move back in with her baby daddy, who treats her miserably, she has no car, no job, no money and no future. I told her we may be in a small town, but we have everything here we need, and there is Anchorage, which isn't exactly small. She could have a car, a job, a babysitter, the schools are good and there is always something to do. We have IMAX, a library, live music, coffee houses, bands, hockey, baseball - for Pete's sake we have everything but major league sports. Okay, so the medical isn't the greatest, the prices are through the roof and winter happens. We manage all that.

    I think, with the right outlook, you can be happy or miserable no matter where you're standing (except in Hawaii, where you cannot be unhappy because it's illegal). Life has handed me a lemon grove this year. Lemon meringue pie, lemonade and lemon-chicken, anyone?

    Soft hugs,