So Jealous of other people, hate this feeling

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    I know this topic was probably brought up before, and I hate to sound repetitive, but lately my jealousy of other people has just been getting me down.

    I work in a hospital in a department with a lot of women. Since January, so many of these women have started weight programs such as weight watchers, exercise programs that they do together after work and so on. The programs are working for them and truly I am happy for them, so maybe I am not truly jealous, but envious of them.

    I have been asked by my co-worers to join in, what a laugh, I am so totally exhausted after work that I just sit in my car for minutes just to get the strenght to start up the car and drive home.

    Some of my co-workers are much younger than I am, I will be 44 and used to be able to go walking not right after work, but a few hours after, I could get the strenth to do it, not I just can't anymore.

    Some of the ladies are my age and a little older and they all seem to have such "perky" lives. They are always doing things with family and friends, they are sticking to their "programs" and I feel so left out.

    I do not have children and I rarely go out on dates, although people I do work with compliment me on my clothes, or say I look very nice that day, I just don't feel that way. Chronic pain, fatigue, weight problems from past medications from my FM has made me feel awful.

    I am trying to have some hope with a new supplement I will be trying soon for my pain, this is what I live for only, constantly trying to find something to help control my FM is just too exhausting most of the time and it just makes me feel sad.

    This January, I vowed to cut out sugar from my diet, it worked for about 6 weeks, then I fell off and just wanted some sweets which I know is bad for me in the long run. I just couldn't stick with it.

    So, these feelings of envy or jealousy can really eat me up and I know it sounds childish which I don't like as well. I was quiet today at work because I just couldn't get the energy up to talk about all the volunteer programs and "things" that people get into, especially in a hospital setting. I got in my car at the end of the day and just wanted to cry. I have been experiencing a typical flare up these past two weeks and I notice how much more sensitive I am during these times.

    Maybe this is a mid-life crisis for me, LOL, or just this nasty condition. I have to keep reminding myself that I work in medical records, NOT an easy job. It is mentally and physically exhausting, but I can feel a little proud of myself that I learned this job, although it was extremely tough for me and challenging. I had a very hard time learning it and went through some rough times in that department, so maybe I am just burned out from everything and then my jealousy and envy takes the best of me.

    I do have friends at work, but usually only from a distance, I cannot compete with their energy. Thank you all for letting me sound off and do you have any advice? Hugs to all, Chelz.
  2. onedaysoon

    onedaysoon New Member

    This probably doesn't help, but reading your post I am jealous of you. I haven't been able to work or drive for years. Literally the only time I get out of my house is a walk to my mailbox, which isn't every day, usually only once a week, sometimes less.

    I watch people on TV or talk to people on the phone and see or here life they get to live. I am SO jealous that they get to interact with people, I want to cry.

    I want so desperately to be able to get out of my house and interact with people.

    I do know how you feel! We don't deserve this and I don't know why we have to feel this way all the time with no end in sight. I hope all of us get to truly live soon.

    Sending you hugs!
  3. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    I have had CFS/FM since I was 38. I was going to school part time and working part time, also in medical records. I was so wiped out by the end of the week I would just rest all weekend. If I made it to the grocery after work I was doing reallly good. The people I worked with were all big football fans and spent the weekends going to out -of- town games together. It sounded wonderful. They were all doing the normal things that people (healthy people, that is) do after work and I know how it feels to be left out. I really envied their energy.

    I finally had to leave my job as I couldn't lift files anymore or bend to put them in the drawers. There was no one else to do this because it was a big part of the job. My boss would sometimes stay late and help me but it couldn't go on.

    I was 47 at the time, and working with these diseases for the last 9 years was taking a toll. I got another job at a hospital part time without any lifting but couldn't keep going. I was just too ill.

    I left the workforce and felt better for a few years. Now, after 30 years with the diseases, I am feeling really bad again just with daily living. My older age adds to it I'm sure. What you're facing is very difficult and there are no easy solutions. You must take care of your health above all else. Don't compare yourself with others, even others with FM. We're all different. You'll know you're doing what's best for you. You have many good years ahead of you. GB66
  4. alangan1

    alangan1 New Member

  5. tuba

    tuba New Member

    You voiced many of my feelings. Congrats. on being able to complete a very challenging job. What an accomplishment! Pat youself on the back for that (but not too hard). At work I too could not join the exercise group (are you kidding) or even the scrapbooking group, because I was just too physically worn out after a day of a challenging job. It was even hard to just drive home. I needed to go home & lay down before beginning the evening routines. Because I could never join their groups, I was an outsider. They finally quit asking me, which hurt also. I will pass on what worked for me for losing weight. I have fibro., but have no idea if this will work for you. I joined Weight Watchers on-line. No way could I make it to a meeting every week, too much effort. I was moderately successful with this, but not like one would expect. So, I bought a fibro. book here from Pro-Health. The dr. recommends a low glycemic and high fiber diet. (Look up glycemic index on th web). Most importantly, he suggests ALWAYS to eat a protein before you put anything in your mouth. Since Sept. I have lost 40 lbs. Good luck, chelz. Keep fighting the good fight. You are doing so great. Try not to judge yourself by others. Be proud of how hard you work. Good luck & let us know how it is going.
  6. nixon

    nixon New Member

    I totally "get" what you mean, I myself am 39, too sick to work, sometimes I don't even get out of my house for 7-10 days! That is a real bummer....I feel like I should be in the "PRIME" of my life, luckily I don't have children to take care of......just a cat, and sometimes I feel I'm not even taking good care of her! I am, but she's 17 and probably feels just as old and tired as me!! Most of the time I feel as though I'm 90+ yrs. old! Heck my grandparents get out and do more than me. ( That's pretty sad!!)

    Most of my friends don't even ask me to do anything anymore, I guess they got sick of hearing NO- not feeling well enough to even get dressed today. I've come to deal with it, I've been batteling health issues for 6 yrs. now.

    I guess that we just have to count the blessings that we do have!! Just know that you are not ALONE in your feelings, I just keep praying that some day soon......they will come up with some answers to FMS/CFS!

    Great Big GENTLE Hugs coming at you lady, Andrea
  7. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I have a hard time watching other people be able to do everything I can't. I can't even stand to watch the cars driving by my building because I know those people are all out having a life.

    I'm 39, can't have kids. I'm mostly housebound. I rarely get to do anything. And I wish more than anything that I was well enough to work at something. I'm not. I wouldn't even try a home job because the second I can't perform the hours or days, they'll just fire me.

    Watching people get to go to the gym and do a million other things, it's hard. I can't even join a church because I'm not well enough to attend and do things. I just can't. I can't be around large crowds of people long.

    I don't know why some people get to have everything and others of us suffer horribly. I wish I knew. But it's not fair. And I don't know why we were even given a sense of fairness in life, when life isn't fair.
  8. annwinter

    annwinter New Member

    I understand. I have that feeling, too. And it doesn't feel good. Actually, not jealousy, but a deep sense of loss. I do not have any of the more important things in life that I want-- a home, a child, a partner, financial stability.

    My friends' kids calling them "mommy" is so sweet and makes me long to be a mother. I'd thought about adopting, but realized that I needed at least one of three things--health, family support, financial stability. So, I just couldn't do it. I rent an apt with a roommate. I feel sad a lot. I want home, family, and to give something to the world. Most of my time is spent trying to earn enough money to live on (I'm a freelance editor and don't qualify for disability apparently), sleep, go to doc appts, and sometimes meet with a friend.

    I'd love to get another degree, but can't imagine taking a class. There are many things I can't imagine doing. Friends go on vacation. I can't do that by myself and I don't have the money. I throw a pity party for myself I guess. That's just to say that I know how hard it is. There are great losses with this illness. Don't be hard on yourself. Of course you feel "jealous"--I think it's sadness and loss, though.

    I'm 50. I had mono at 20 and have been sick since then. I held a job until about 8 or 10 years ago, but it was usually very difficult. I got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. That always perplexes me--why was I able to do it then, but not now? Have I become more ill? Or is it age plus illness?
  9. fifthofanickel

    fifthofanickel New Member

    I no longer have any "real" friends due this dd...And miss out on alot. My hubby & I retired in 1995, & had many plans, but he developed polymyalgia & I have fm/cfs/colitis, etc. So we can't do things our former friends did either..One by one they dropped us..Disheartening to say the least.

    You have every right to be sad at times, I look across the street at my neighbors who are in their 90's gardening, etc. & I could just cry..Those days are long gone for me. I have my "pity parties" also, then slowly get back into "my normal"..& go on. And when in a flare, that's when all these feelings hit me more than usual...

    I'm ss you are going thru this. Try counting your blessings when this hits you, & perhaps that will help some. I know you probably think there are very few of them right now, but you do have them...Hang in there...We all have our own way of handling this dd, & hate having to deal w/it. But there it is.....I do handwork, such as crochet & knit some. I used to quilt, but can't do that anymore...We all lost things we loved to do.

    We used to do woodcrafts, but that's out also...I guess I'm venting right along w/

    All good blessings coming your way;
  10. I hear you, I wish I had the life alot of people have. I have to plan on a good day just to go to the grocery store. It wears me out. I can't even keep up with cleaning my house.

    You are lucky you can work, I wish I could.

    I also wish I could lose weight but if exercise makes you in pain , eating less is not enough.

    I see older people out walking, jogging, going to casinos,etc. and feel my life is passing me by. I hope they know how lucky they are. My fil complains about a little arthritis and he's in his 80's, I wish I lived that long without pain.

    The only advise I guess you just have to learn to enjoy each day the best you can, life is so short and we don't get another one! Lately just watching the sunrise or a sunset which seems so simple but you just have to stop and smell the roses.

  11. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Thank you first off for letting me sound off about this topic. All your posts have helped me put things into perspective and I am truly grateful to each and all of you.

    When I read some of your posts and realized that this illness can keep some of us housebound, I truly felt sad and it has put some things in perspective for me. I am so sorry that we have to live with this condition. I am so proud to know all of you, even if it is just in this type of forum, I feel very comfortable telling you all how I feel because we all have such a connection that I could never get with others.

    Your stories and advice is heard by me, and yes, we have to take care of ourselves and I do think that is where our strength eventually comes from because you ALL have strength and that I do envy of you, but in a good way.

    For Gb66, you also worked in medical records, so you know how exhausting this job can be. Pulling charts, dealing with doctors and other medical staff, such as case managers, nurses, and so on. I do understand, believe me. Thanks again for taking the time to respond, and hugs to all of you, Chelz.
  12. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    You need to love yourself more! Taking the time to love you for who you are is one of the best medicines along with laughter.

    Feel better,

    kjfms :)
  13. ikathy

    ikathy New Member

    I haven't posted in a while, but I felt compelled to reply to you. I think you are doing a disservice to yourself by thinking that way. You are working - that is a huge accomplishment with this condition. Getting up early every day, preparing yourself for work, commuting, making it through the work day, commuting again - give yourself a break and stop thinking about what others are doing. Try to be concerned about YOU!

  14. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Therapy can help if one can find a good, caring therapist. Illness, which changes one's life, is a lot to cope with and very hard to do alone. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help one to realize when one's mind is starting to wander down an unhelpful path, such as envy. The minute one starts to fall into that trap, all that is required is to say to oneself, "Not helpful."

    There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling or experiencing. Therapy can help you get to the acceptance stage. Acceptance isn't about giving up or giving in. It's about not fighting against the things you cannot change. When we get sick, we go through the grieving process just as though we do when someone we love dies. Basically, our old selves are gone and we need to make peace with the "new" us and love ourselves. What made us loving, caring, generous, etc. people before we got sick are still inside of us. We just can't do everything we used to do nor everything others can do. When we stop comparing, we move on to a better place in which we can heal.

    My prayers go out to you.

    Love, Mikie
  15. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    I don't know if this will help but mine is a story of hope after jealousy. Dx in 2000 after a couple of years of unexplained annoying pain, I was still able to function but just a little slower and more careful then before.

    By 2002 I was suffering so bad I was unable to work, had to drop out of college, rarely left the house and ended up on state disability (lost the fight for SSD). I found a neurologist that specialized in FMS and she wouldn't let me give up hope.

    By the end of 2004 I was back to work full time and as long as I didn't over do it, could somewhat have a life. Now I just have to be careful. I have good days and bad days like everyone else with this DD but I have a life. I go to school full time and work part time.

    Everything is harder for me and I do wish I could do more but at least I can function and I'm still hoping for more. Lots of trial and error. I also minimally exercise and can handle most of the household stuff. I just avoid anything strenuous or doing anything for a long time. I take it one step at a time and hope for the best.

    I hope for the best for everyone suffering!

    Best wishes!
  16. quanked

    quanked Member

    I have a couple of friends that I am still connected to. One of them is involved in all kinds of activities, reading, writing, and more. Sometimes I just want to tell her I do not want to hear about it because I cannot share any kind of similar activities with her. Yet I would not deny her any of this because I know what it all means to her.

    The other friend is not as young or as active but continues to work. She complains about how hard it is believing that we share the same levels of exhaustion. I gave up trying to convince her that if I could still will my self to work I would. For heavens sake I cannot even will myself to take a bath everyday. I know she is tired but CFS has taught me that there are many levels of tired.

    On a good day I can accept where I am and not be too twisted about it. There just are not enough good days.

    Someone here suggested therapy. I wonder what can be gotten from therapy. I sought out therapy for the new me. Having been a therapist (the old me) I did not hear anything from her that I would not have told a client myself. I recall her suggesting that I choose an activity and pursue it. Like I had not tried this before.

    I will complete this thought another time if I remember. I am growing tired and will try to get some sleep.

    Just take care of yourself and remind yourself that things are what they are and no amount of agonizing will change things.
  17. italiano

    italiano New Member

    yes, i can relate. i work only a few hours a week due to illness. someone at work was whining about how hard it was because he was in training for a triathilon. I found myself dwelling on it every i am struggling to just get through the day, can hardly walk and a triathalon is someone's biggest problem in life. it's rough i are not alone in your thoughts.
  18. Jayna

    Jayna New Member

    You can walk all the way to your mailbox? That's SO cool!

    I can walk out my front door, but not down the steps to the sidewalk because walking back up puts me into heart failure. So I sit on my porch a lot and watch the world go buy.

    Driving... I dream of being able to drive again....
  19. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    Hi Chelz-

    I'm 41, so we're practically the same age. I am fortunate enough to have a job working at home full-time with benefits. If I didn't, I wouldn't be working.

    I do sooooooooooo understand how you are feeling, especially with the weather changing. It is about spring and soon will be summer - and I'm too gosh darn tired to work most nights let alone go and enjoy the beach.

    My best friend is 55. She has so much fun. She works full-time, goes out with other friends, plays with her kids and here I sit (I mean lay) on the couch, looking out the window.

    If I didn't take Prozac, I don't know what I'd do - or without this forum either!!
  20. livfreeagn

    livfreeagn New Member

    I just Started research on this chronic devil I was sick for 5yrs. dealing with pituitary problems i also have, but never no energy can't get off couch. Doc just told me bout cfs i now also have. I hav'nt yet got to the jealousy part yet!! Why do people think we would want to live our lives like this????? I really dont know how this chat thing works but it has helped me realize that i am not alone. looking forward to lots of vents with everyone. Is ther a live chat room here? let me know thanx for the readings looking forward to hearing back if that's how it works