so lonely

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rachel432, Jun 2, 2006.

  1. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    i am so lonely. my husband left yesterday to go visit his family in california for two weeks. we couldn't afford for me to take off work, so i'm here and he is 3000 miles away. he is my main support. he works from home so since i'm always so wiped out he takes care of all of the house stuff, he reminds me to take my meds. he is so wonderful he can tell if i'm in pain and tells me i should take a coupls of vicadin or robaxin. he really is the kindest most understanding man i ever could have married. seven yeard of marriage and i love him more now then when i first met him!

    the worst part is i'm not only lonely because he's gone, but also because i have really lost touch with all my other frieds over the past couple of years. most of them have children now and i don't, which puts me in a little bit of alifestyle difference. but also the fibro makes me so tired and achey that i don't get out to see them or talk to them on the phone. all i do is work and sleep.

    i miss my friends, but i just don't have the energy to see them. also after awhile, i feel like i'm a major downer if i answer the question "how are you doing?" honestly. i really don't think people want to hear that my entire body hurts and it feels like parts of my body are so sore they feel like they are on fire. i think the reason i don't call people more it because i want to avoid that queastion.

    sorry this was so long. i really just needed to talk to someone besides my dogs. thanks for listening.

    rachel
  2. mariee

    mariee Member

    I am sorry that you are lonely. And I understand.
    I come here to read how others are doing day and night...many times because I am lonely. It was 4 pm today and I realized I hadn't spoken to one person.
    So I just wanted you to know someone saw your post and cares.
    Hang in there. Your husband's trip won't last tooooo long.
    and if he is visiting So CA, it is boiling here!
    Marie
  3. bigmh

    bigmh New Member

    Hi there...my screen name is bigmh but my name is Ann...nice to "meet" you.

    I have a lot of the same feelings of loneliness and was touched by your post. I, too, have lost friends because of this FMS and can identify completely with difficulties in communication with "normals".

    Sometimes it takes so much energy just to make those calls that I don't. And like you, I'm not sure whether to be honest with my "how are ya doing?" response or not. Last night, I missed a dinner (business but there were friends there) because I didn't feel good...again. My husband was already there, so he went, but I wanted to go, too!

    I see that you have doggies..aren't they great? We have 2 dogs and 2 cats and have just adopted our grand-dog, Lexi, our son's pomeranian puppy. He can't keep her in his apartment and would like to have her back someday, so we're long-term dog-sitting. I talk to my critters and I know that they understand...do they help some with your lonliness?

    Do you and your husband attend church? We don't always go because of my health, but I have found tremendous support there. The quality of my Christian friends is so wonderful...they really care about me, even if I cannot be with them often. And our Holy Father cares and loves us, too...I find that reading my Bible and praying have also been a great comfort.

    I am going to keep you in my prayers, and hope that today you will have a better day. I'd love to hear from you if you'd like to chat.

    Love and Blessings, Ann

  4. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    I too have a wonderful, supportive husband. We have been married 22yrs. My husband still does all of the things he has always done, (today he is golfing),bowls, etc. I sit at home alone. When I had to leave work, I lost all of my friends. They had work lives and I didnt. The 1st yr, I thought I would go crazy. Im now seeing a psycologist about the depression that comes with this DD. When you are feeling blue, log on and someone will always be here.

    {{{{{SOFT HUGS}}}}}

    Suzette
  5. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I COMPLETELY understand

    I feel the same way too about friends.

    I also do not have children, and all my friends do, so it is hard to relate to them

    And they don't want to hear about your aches and pains

    And then they say "LETS GO SHOPPING" SHOPPING???? There is no way that I can handle that - The aches and pains and fatigue!
  6. bigmh

    bigmh New Member

    Rachel...by the way, I, too, have a supportive and wonderful husband...aren't they a blessing!

    Also, Suzette brought up a good point. After 11 years of FMS, I finally am seeing a counselor. It has helped me SO much to be able to talk to someone. She has helped me understand more about myself and this dd. It also helps to talk to someone openly about my pain and the effects of this illness without feeling like I am dumping it all on my dear husband or a family member. Have you thought of seeing someone?

    More blessings, Ann
  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I'm so sorry you're lonely. I do understand.

    I'm glad you're appreciating your hubby for this time. I wish I had someone who loves me walking in my door in two weeks or two months.

    Hugs,
    Marta

  8. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Rachel,
    I'm so sorry about your loneliness. I am married also and have 4 kids and a new grandson ( 8 mths. old )! We also have 3 cats and 1 dog and I also get a lot of comfort from them. My animals can always tell when I am feeling depressed or just so sick and tired that I can't get out of bed. I know this because one or two of them all of a sudden wants to be with me or as with one of our cats, the 25 pound one , she wants to sit on my tummy or chest!! Unfortunetely, I usually have to push her to my side and pet her till SHE falls asleep!! Take advantage of the unconditional love that your dogs have to offer and give them some serious petting as well! It really will make you feel a little better.

    Do you have any family members you can talk to? Maybe you could call one of your most loving, caring friends and just say you miss them and explain why you have'nt wanted to call them. You don't have to go into a lot of detail and maybe you can find some comfort there. Make sure you ask them about what's happening in their life too and I'm sure they will respond better to your dilemma. Maybe you can ask that friend or family member to come by and visit even thou you're not feeling well. Sometimes people need to see you when you're talking to truly try and understand what you're going through. Don't be afraid to reach out esp. right now when you need it so much! It took me about 5 years to figure that out and I now have become best friends with my sister and have a new friend at work! They know my limitations and sometimes we just talk on the phone or e-mail each other if I can't go somewhere with them which is most of the time. My sis and I have joined a gym and I drag myself there at least twice a week to swim and use the hot tub. I always feel better when I do that and make sure you're doing some gentle stretching cause it will make your aches and pains feel better!

    I just found this website and absolutely love it. The people here truly care about each other and really understand because they have been through it all too! Keep posting and try to reply to some of them cause giving others advice and suggestions is how we will all get better!!

    Don't give up and don't give in to this DD cause it can suck the life out of you if you let it, I know, been there! I hope this helps a little.
    Gentle fibro-hugs, Julie (Earthdog)
    [This Message was Edited on 06/03/2006]
  9. Windytalker

    Windytalker Member

    It's so neat your DH is so supportive. So, I suspect you're feeling the "empty nest syndrone". And, it's not a pleasant void to try to fill.

    But, in my case, I live alone...and I love it. My time is my own and if I want to walk around the house moaning and groaning, I can. I sleep when I want, eat when and what I want, watch my favorite TV programs, etc. I set my AM priorities and attempt to get them done at "my" pace as planned without trying to please anyone but me.

    With this DD, so many friends have flown the coop. They don't want to talk with somone who's not the same as them. But, another reason is, they don't want to face the fact that they are also mortal. As a result, I've found I enjoy being with "me". I even enjoy "me" when I'm in a bad mood. LOL!!!

  10. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    HI, Good to meet you. I am so sorry that your alone while your hubby is off with his family. I don't know how you do it. I lose it when I have to spend one night alone.

    So Don't for get to take your meds, you will be needing them , and don't forget to eat you need to do that too.
    Try to relax and remember that this in only a couple of weeks and it will be over soon.

    Can you call him just so that you can talk to him. I know that sometimes just hearing my hubby's voice has helped me when I needed it.

    YOU sound so sweet and kind I am sorry that your alone for 2 weeks . It must be hard to be alone when your used to having someone always there with you. But remember that you can come here and we will all answer you and remind you that you are cared for.

    So take a deep breath and try to relax. KNow that you have many friends here.
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS FOR YOUR}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    MUCH LOVE,
    Rosemarie
  11. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    your alone.It can really get to you can't it?I have trouble sitting during the week with chores to try and have the energy to do so I mostly post on the weekend when husband and son are here to help with care of father in law.I check in several times a day to read though.It sure helps to see others that know exactly what your going through doesn't it?I've found answers and helpful hints and even comfort here so I hope you do too.See your not alone we're all here for you even if you can't see us.
  12. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    Hello there!
    Hope you are feeling less lonely knowing that many nice people here (who totally understand your predicament), have read your post, and some even had the time and energy to respond! I'm glad you have your dogs with you. I don't know how I'd deal without my furry cutie mongrel!

    I know about the "how are you? dilemna". But I don't have a good solution. I'm glad you have a wonderful husband who you can really talk to and get help from.

    Maybe rent "The 40 Year old Virgin" for a good (but veerry raunchy) laugh. Have you seen it? Or what kind of movie do you like, and I could recommend another one.

    Take care,
    BigMama2
  13. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I'm sorry you feel so alone. I don't think I would cope well all alone, even if only for 2 weeks.

    I'd like to suggest you find some kind of support group...it doesn't HAVE to be for FM or CFS...maybe one for chronic illness or arthritis if you can't find FM/CFS in your area.

    People who have chronic conditions understand what you go thru even if its not exactly the same illness.

    I've made great friends thru a SG; "try it, you might like it"! LOL

    Best to you, and hang in there/here, with us....we care!

    findmind
  14. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    The time will pass. Go out to library or other places where you can even say a few words to others, though sometimes dogs have the best things to say(LOL).

    He will be back soon. My friend, her DH works away all week every week but comes home weekends. She hates it too.

    Love Anne Cromwell.
  15. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    thanks to you all!
    your all so wonderful for taking the time to read this and respond. i'm putting to use some of the good suggestions you all had. i even got in touch with one of my friends that i have known since i was 10 and we are getting together this coming weekend on whatever day i feel best. she is the closest thing to a sister i've had.

    also this past weekend i actually managed to get over to my parents house with them and my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew for a small barbeque. over time my family had become better about this dd. if anything they are almost a little to smothering at times, but it was kind of nice to go over there and have my mom "take care of me". there's nothing quite like a mom when you don't feel good.

    thank you all again, i really appreciate all of the support i find here from people who understand what i'm going through!

    rachel