So many questions, whats with me?

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Sweetpotatoe, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Late yesterday I went to the health food shop to have a browse, thinking I might get another tonic...anything..looking for a miracle as always!

    The woman serving was the owner whom I have only seen once before as the shop is managed by another woman, anyhow she was making suggestions and we got talking. She started witnessing to me about Christ, giving her testimony. I told her I was a christian too, we talked for ages about books, ministries etc, she told me of the many victories in her life, how time and time again prayer has been answered.

    Believing for money, answered in 2 years.
    A miracle for her sister, that she had been praying about.
    All her family coming to the Lord, including her 17 year old daughter, who is deeply in the word everyday, talking in tongues, she is about to go to Colorado on a Missionary trip.
    Her and her husband are selling the health store and believe its sold, (in a recession), God has told her its sold, not to advertise again, on and on she told me of victory.

    Standing there I was so happy for her, she looked so well and at peace, she seemed to have it all, husband, 4 girls, a home, business, her health, family and the favour of the Lord.

    I briefly told her I have been waiting for 8 years on the Lord, I didn't say much, I didn't have any victories to testify. She asked me if I talk in tongues, and I said no, I have been praying and asking the Lord for that gift, but I haven't recieved it. She said I have to make it happen, which I have been told before, and I try.

    I came away feeling so wretched about myself, like I was not a christian, and that there is something bad about me to not have the same measure of Gods favour.

    I loved talking to her, I prayed for her and gave thanks and praise to the Lord for the blessings upon her life in my prayer time.

    I had had a big cry yesterday before I went to the store, my teenager and I had had differences, I'd been at work all morning, I'd got up at 5am, I have no peace right now because I can't pay my bills, my foot is still ulcerated, and I am just so tired in the core of my being.

    I have single handedly raise my 3 kids for 8 years, I live for the Lord, in obiedence, I am doing my best, I believe for breakthrough, I claim the promise of restoration, I believe the Lord is within me, everyday I walk in Faith. I cry out to God in desperation, I am so tired Lord, deprivation is killing my spirit, Hope deferred is making my heart sick.

    I know that I know the truths of the Lord, I know its all in His timing, I know we have tests to pass, I know He is doing a work in me, Why do I feel so wretched in the presence of Christians? Often it is implied that I am not right with God to be in such a predicament, I don't know the answer to that.

    I think I am missing something.

    2 believers, 1 in victory, 1 in defeat?

    I will teach you, and guide you in the way you should go. I will keep you under my eye. Psalm 32:8.

    My Breathen, count it all joy when you fall into (difficult times). Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. James 1:2,3.

    Then he turned my sorrow into joy! He took away my clothes of mourning..Psalms 30:11.

    Behold, God is my savation; I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strenghth and my song...Isaiah 12:2.

    I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever: with my mouth will I make known they faithfulness to all generations. Psalms 89:10.

    But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven..For where your treasure is, there will your heart also be. Matthew 6:20,21.

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1;9.

    So I wait and not know answers, God must be saying 'no', 'wait', 'trust,' Lord have Mercy, Is it wrong to want a slice of heaven on earth?, Is it wrong to want fulfillment here on earth?

    Cindy.

  2. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    I know that you love me, I am just in so much pain.

    It will pass!

    Love and Blessings.

    Cindy.
  3. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Its a hard day today, I can't wait to have a sleep.

    I've heard preachers talk about generational lines, about our ancestors faith and prayers affecting us, or lack thereof, so many factors come into play about our circumstances, also our poor choices.

    Yet I believe the word of God, that He forgives us if we repent, and His word is full of promises and hope for each and everyone of us.

    I think this is the test of time.

    Cindy.
  4. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    I'm just thinking of Paul after his conversion; he was whipped, stoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned many times.

    And then the first Christians were persecuted.

    It seems to me when I look at the writings and lives of people of great, deep faith, that they all endured sufferings and difficulties.

    It seems to be the norm. And life is so full of troubles.

    I know that teaching, which I believe is a false one, that if we are Christians, we are exempt from the sufferings of the world. That we are meant to have health, prosperity, all of our prayers answered right away.

    But looking at the history of the church, it just isn't the reality, that everything is fine and perfect now.

    I hate for you to be going through so much pain and hardship, yet I see the strength and depth of your roots of faith.

    I'm also praying so hard for you to find relief, and help in your life!

    The only thing I know - and choose to believe over and over again is that Jesus is all good, all love, and is working out the very best for each one of us!

    Because of who he is - I've never been able to see anything false in him, and love so much who he is!

    I think it is all about love - our love for him, and his for us. And how it's always growing.

    I always think of Romans 5 when I think of you. Which starts out with suffering producing perseverance, then character, then hope. And hope not disappointing us.

    I'm so sorry that you were hurt by that woman's view of things. But what will she do if circumstances in her life go wrong?

    I know that Jesus is pleased with you, and greatly values your hard-won trust in him.

    Well, these words are clumsily trying to share some of the truths that have sustained me through a lifetime of being at the end of my rope.

    With love and prayers,
    Judy
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    I just wanted to add to what I said about suffering, that there is also SO MUCH beauty and goodness in life.

    Everyday there are opportunities to experience something to make us feel alive, joyful, exuberant as well.

    We have friendships, and laughter, and blueberries, and spices, and deep green leafy sunlight.

    We have stories, and places that have their own unique essence.

    That's just a small skimming of today's experiences for me.

    There is so much good!

  6. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Thankyou for your advice, and the wisdom about goodness in this world.
    My life just became so difficult many years ago, my eyes are not seeing much goodness in the world around me. I've never suffered from 'clinical depression' but I certainly have some sort of depression.
    After so many years of abuse and misuse of power from another human being, homelessness, financial ruin, health problems, custody and relocation court cases, slander, protecting my children, theft, vandalism, injustice, on and on, it has affected my mind and I don't know how to recover.

    Years of unanswered prayer is hard to understand.
    I've become so vigilent in my ways, the name of the game for me is survival and trying to keep my dignity, to provide for 4 human beings.

    Life just seems too hard to relax or have fun, for some reason I have been used up, ripped off, laughed at, denied help, and basically disregarded, and all in the toughest years of my life, I've also walked in obiedience more than ever in my life and remained faithful throughout all these years.

    At one point a few years back when a huge tree fell on top of my parked car (I can see the funny side now) I truly didn't know how much more I could take, that day I developed globus syndrome, anxiety swelling of the throat!, I thought I had burn't my throat from eating soup.

    Then I landed a great job thinking this is the turning point, and in my stupidity dobbed on my co workers for misconduct thinking justice would be done, and the disability clients would be treated right only to be bullied by anti christ colleagues and finding out the hierachy couldn't give a damn about how the clients were treated and so the price I paid was losing my job.

    I have trouble seeing the goodness, but I know I have to look for it and learn to relax.

    I have learned so much, I'm sure that has been Gods plan.

    This year I have been dealing with forgiveness, I want to be obiedient to God, I want to recieve forgiviness and blessing so I have had to choose to forgive those that have hurt me, robbed me and abused me.

    I am a work in progress, I need to learn how to laugh again, to be joyous again, and to trust again and I will.

    Cindy.




    [This Message was Edited on 07/20/2008]
  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    I will pray especially for you to be able to find laughter, and enjoy things.

    I understand so well being in a survival mode. I have extreme post-traumatic-stress-disorder, from severe child abuse, starting in infancy.

    I might need to delete those words after you read them, because many things trigger off reactions of re-living the trauma.

    There were times in my life when literally I couldn't smile or talk.

    I've recovered some areas of my life, but much is still in pain and broken-ness.

    I rely on Jesus so much, having clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and many more things to grapple with daily.

    I was wondering, were you able to play freely when you were a child? Did you have security and happiness?

    I know how much those things affect us. But maybe your sufferings came later in life.

    The thing I do know is that the love of Jesus is the best thing in all the universe, and he is growing us to receive more and more of it.

    I thank you for your offer to pray for me, that you wrote in another post. I will definitely take you up on it.

    And, I've been praying for you since you first came here. The name of Sweetpotatoe comes up often in my prayers.

    Thank God we have this support group, and "one for all, and all for one", as the Musketeers would say. :)

    May God Bless you, and answer all the things you spoke to him in the outstanding poem you wrote. Your own personal Psalm!

    Love, Judy

  8. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Wow, you were so clear and right to the point in what you said. You have such grounded common sense. So good for us all.

    I loved what you said that " God is not a big ATM machine in the sky."

    Love, Judy
  9. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    Thankyou so much the amazing advice and insight, Tiggy too true, Littleblue I am so at peace with that verse I have never heard that one before, lots of truth.

    I can't stay long tonight, I'm really struggling, I didn't check in yesterday either, I have hurt my back.

    man, I had 2 weeks off work with a virus, I didn't have enough sick pay so I went without, then last week I only did 20 hours. I have a problem with circulation in the winter and with working at the store without heating and starting early (Frosts etc its winter)I have chillblains on my extremeties. One got ulcerated on the soul of my foot, at my job I stand all day, anyway last week I was in so much pain but pressed through it because I had to earn my money, and I thought I could endure 20 hours. I was leaning on the other foot and putting my weight on the good side so my bad foot would stop throbbing.

    Anyhow on sunday night my back gave out, I am in agony.
    I absolutely cannot take time off, and I have fulltime hours this week starting at 6.30 am till 4pm.

    I really believe God is helping me get through the day.

    I have to do the dishes, uniforms and lunches nd get to bed to get up at 4.30am, so God Bless you all, please say a prayer for me.

    Nite.
    Love Cindy.

  10. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Dear Lord,

    Please help Cindy, our sweetpotatoe, in these urgent needs in her life. We join together in our prayers for her.

    Bring help Lord for her and her children, and whatever your idea is, help her to recognize it.

    Thank you for your love for her, and help her with her ulcerated foot, her back being in such severe pain, her children's needs, her illness, every issue in her life Lord.

    We pray urgently for Cindy!

    Amen
  11. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    Thank God for what a strong friendship you have! Tig, your love for Cindy is so strong and supportive!!! And hers for you. Thank God for it!

    Cindy, I just called for more prayer to a dear friend of mine of over 30 years. She is a nun, and a mother superior, with great faith. I asked her to ask the whole convent to pray for your needs - your situation.

    She was so sympathetic for what you are going through. They are powerhouses of prayer, with a deep, deep love of Jesus.

    So, we will see what God will do!!!

    Tigs, praying for your struggles too, and for everyone here. Lord Jesus, please help our dear Tigress in each of her individual needs. Thank you for your great love for her, please bring comfort and help to her in her struggles.

    Thank you for her kitties and her horse, and her poetry, and protect her and provide for her, Lord

    In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
  12. Sweetpotatoe

    Sweetpotatoe New Member

    So much I want to say, in reply to posts and above all thankyou, Tiggy, Patti and Judy and anybody that has prayed for me. I've got 2 more work days this week to get through then 2 days off so I'll catch up on the posts then.

    My back is 75% better and I truly believe prayer has been answered, Praise the Lord and thankyou for praying for my needs.

    I saw the doctor about my foot he said to bathe it in betadine and cover it, keep it warm, and stay off it or else he would cut it and drain the fluid. I did everything but keep off it and its healing really well, the throbbing has stopped and the fluid is drying up. I am so thankful.

    When my back went in the shower on sunday I cried out to God and claimed His healing hand on my back, I prayed and prayed and I knew Jesus was carrying me through my work day, today I am straight, I can move without pain, just a weakness feeling, By His stripes I am healed, thankyou for praying for me.

    I have to go to bed.

    Father God,
    I thankyou and praise you for mercy on me, for your healing hand, Lord I thankyou for answering the prayers of my sisters in Christ, I thankyou that our paths have crossed and we can come together to pray and fellowship, even when we are on opposite sides of the world, Lord I pray for the needs and desires of Tiggy, Patti and Judy, I pray for your promises to come to pass in each of their lives, Lord that you will heal, restore and redeem each one of us, The glory is all yours my Lord please use us to be a blessing in this world, to live out Your will for our lives, Lord we know you have good plans for each of us, Please cover us with the Mighty Blood of Jesus, please Lord usher in all that you have portioned for each of us, In Jesus precious name, Amen.

    God Bless you all, Peace be with You, I pray for a tangible touch from God this day, He is a mighty God.

    Love Cindy.