Late yesterday I went to the health food shop to have a browse, thinking I might get another tonic...anything..looking for a miracle as always! The woman serving was the owner whom I have only seen once before as the shop is managed by another woman, anyhow she was making suggestions and we got talking. She started witnessing to me about Christ, giving her testimony. I told her I was a christian too, we talked for ages about books, ministries etc, she told me of the many victories in her life, how time and time again prayer has been answered. Believing for money, answered in 2 years. A miracle for her sister, that she had been praying about. All her family coming to the Lord, including her 17 year old daughter, who is deeply in the word everyday, talking in tongues, she is about to go to Colorado on a Missionary trip. Her and her husband are selling the health store and believe its sold, (in a recession), God has told her its sold, not to advertise again, on and on she told me of victory. Standing there I was so happy for her, she looked so well and at peace, she seemed to have it all, husband, 4 girls, a home, business, her health, family and the favour of the Lord. I briefly told her I have been waiting for 8 years on the Lord, I didn't say much, I didn't have any victories to testify. She asked me if I talk in tongues, and I said no, I have been praying and asking the Lord for that gift, but I haven't recieved it. She said I have to make it happen, which I have been told before, and I try. I came away feeling so wretched about myself, like I was not a christian, and that there is something bad about me to not have the same measure of Gods favour. I loved talking to her, I prayed for her and gave thanks and praise to the Lord for the blessings upon her life in my prayer time. I had had a big cry yesterday before I went to the store, my teenager and I had had differences, I'd been at work all morning, I'd got up at 5am, I have no peace right now because I can't pay my bills, my foot is still ulcerated, and I am just so tired in the core of my being. I have single handedly raise my 3 kids for 8 years, I live for the Lord, in obiedence, I am doing my best, I believe for breakthrough, I claim the promise of restoration, I believe the Lord is within me, everyday I walk in Faith. I cry out to God in desperation, I am so tired Lord, deprivation is killing my spirit, Hope deferred is making my heart sick. I know that I know the truths of the Lord, I know its all in His timing, I know we have tests to pass, I know He is doing a work in me, Why do I feel so wretched in the presence of Christians? Often it is implied that I am not right with God to be in such a predicament, I don't know the answer to that. I think I am missing something. 2 believers, 1 in victory, 1 in defeat? I will teach you, and guide you in the way you should go. I will keep you under my eye. Psalm 32:8. My Breathen, count it all joy when you fall into (difficult times). Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. James 1:2,3. Then he turned my sorrow into joy! He took away my clothes of mourning..Psalms 30:11. Behold, God is my savation; I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strenghth and my song...Isaiah 12:2. I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever: with my mouth will I make known they faithfulness to all generations. Psalms 89:10. But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven..For where your treasure is, there will your heart also be. Matthew 6:20,21. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1;9. So I wait and not know answers, God must be saying 'no', 'wait', 'trust,' Lord have Mercy, Is it wrong to want a slice of heaven on earth?, Is it wrong to want fulfillment here on earth? Cindy.