So much going on...........

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jpswife_4boys, Dec 30, 2002.

  1. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    Please bare with me, I have so much to say but I'm not sure how to start. I guess I should first say what a great Christmas I had. The reason being is that I had for the first time all 4 of my boys home. (My oldest boys live with their dad during the school year. My x and I have joint custody of them.) I am so exhausted keeping up with all of my kids, cooking and cleaning, and just spending time with each one. I have been fighting off the aches and pains and fatigue just so I could be with my children. My oldest two (15 (16 on Jan 13.) and 14), are leaving today so they can get back home spend time with friends and family. Their father is being deployed to Bosnia on my son's 16th birthday. (he's was in the army when he got out he went into the reserves, a total of serving the usa for about 18 yrs.) This news of him leaving is killing me. My boys have never been without their dad for an extended period of time. He is suppose to be there for no less than 9 months. With all of that to chew on my boys will be living with their step-mom until they get out of school in May. I wanted them to be with me but seeing how they are old enough to think for them selves I let them choose what they wanted. I truely understand that they want to finish school up and don't want to leave their friends. It's hard to accept but I understand.

    My husband is really getting on my nerves. Sometimes he is so loving and understanding but then comes along this ill butt, I don't care about anything but me person. I just wish he would read and learn about my fms. I know he works hard 7 days a week. I know he gets tired and just wants time for himself. It's not often that I ask him to do anything but when I do he gets huffy. I feel like he resents me. I'm sorry but I didn't ask to be like this. I don't enjoy laying in bed all day only getting up to go to the bath room. I didn't just quit working because I'm lazy! I didn't try to put us in debt. Sometimes I wish my husband would just go and find himself another wife who was capable of taking care of his needs, who could work and who didn't have to rely on him so much. I get tired of the little picking jokes about him having to get me a wheel chair, or crutches. (This is not funny to me, there are times I feel that I need a cane, or crutches)

    My pain has been more than I can bare these past two days. I have just been trying to hard to keep up with everyone and try to make them happy. My body is wearing down. I didn't want my boys to see me like this. I don't want them to worry about me. They have enough on them as it is. Please everyone remember my boys and there dad in your prayers. Pray that the Lord will return him home safely to my kids. He and I have been divorced for almost 10 yrs. but we have a bond (our kids) and I don't ever want anything to happen to him. He's a great father and my boys love him dearly.

    I'm sorry for rambling on and on. I just have alot on my mind and this is the only way for me to get it out. I have no one I can talk to. Normally when I'm overwhelmed I sit and write it just helps clear my mind.
  2. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    now that you've written a letter to us i hope you are feeling better mentally. it sounds like you worked too hard through the holidays and are paying the piper now. you do have a lot of external stressors going on and it is nice to come here where we can talk. now that the holidays are almost over maybe you can slow down a bit!

    as for the remarks about the wheelchair, etc. that just burned me up! all i can think is that it is so true that people that are not in our position just don't get it, even our own spouses, or ex's. mine said he was so supportive, but he never did anything supportive, so i know how hurtful that is. i guess some men are just not cut out to be a partner with someone that has an illness that can be 24/7. it is still disappointing to say the least.

    rest up, relax today and hope you are feeling better soon. i will say a prayer for your children's father save return.

    warm regards, fibolady
  3. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    My prayers are with you. I feel so bad for your situation. I know that this has to be so hard on you mentally to have your children leave you and worrying about their father at the same time. And you sure do not need your Husband making you feel even worse. This is such a tuff thing to deal with let alone all the added stress and the negativity that you receive with it.
    I hope that things work out for the best for your family.
  4. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    Hi Crissie. This is the place to write and vent when you have the need. We all understand. You sound like a wonderful mother and wife. It's difficult not to want to always be there for your family. I think the hardest thing for us to do is learn how to pace ourselves. When I'm feeling good I try to do many things - and then the next day I pay for it. I will pray for your family and that your ex returns to the States to care for his sons again. I hope you all have a Happy and Healthy New Year!

  5. Vicque

    Vicque New Member

    Dear Crissie.....Just wanted to maybe cheer you up a little bit. My oldest two children are from my first marriage. My daughter who is 16 has already moved to VA around her father, but living with another family. My son who is 15 will be leaving Jan 2nd to live with his father. I have had him since he was born. He was a year old when we split up. I do have a understanding husband for the most part, however at times he feels I spend more time on this computer than with him. Proably true, but they don't understand all the time, as we don't always understand that they need us as well. But sometimes we just need to vent to someone who has this same DD, it seems as though all on here can relate easier. As to being a burden to them I understand that. And yes I to have thought many times that my husband would gain more from a differnet partner that didn't have this crap we deal with. So I as you write when I feel pain, sad, depressed, or even when something good is going on. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have someone I care about leaving going clear to Bosnia, but I will keep up with your post and check in on you from time to time. Peace to you and yours, and may your New Year bring new healing for you........Vicque
  6. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    My husband and I have been together for over 30 years. I don't much believe in the astrology stuff but he's a Scorpio and I'm a Picese. I am
    SO much like that sign is described,
    overly sensitive, easy to become depressed, health problems, artistic
    and forever hunting that romantic connection with my husband. All our lives (we met in high school) we've had a volitile relationship, very good and then very bad. Before the FM
    I could stand up and hold my own during the bad times, we were never physically mean to each other, but verbally could get rediculous. I've been sick with this dd for a long time now and worse as time passes. He's always controlled the money as he worked and I was wife and mother. He's never been much good at it and has a tendancy to blame me when he gets into the eventual holes. This time I found out just before Christmas that he's been paying the
    bills using the credit card to supplement his pay..he gave up his better paying positition with the co.
    a year ago to have more freedome and
    time to spend at home "helping" me. He can be so tender and kind and willing for long periods and then turn on a dime and start resenting it
    and begins picking at me like a stronger animal will pick at a weaker
    one. Once during an arguement (which I do TRY so hard to avoid) he actually said, "What do I have to look forward to but being your slave
    the rest of my life?". It was said in
    anger and I don't really believe he
    meant it, he says he didn't, but it hurt me so much. I don't want to be
    a burden, to need taking care of, but
    the FM is severe now and more and more I need help. He wants me to take
    more interest in the "budget" and meal planning, so I make lists that
    he ignores or forgets, try to ask where we stand financially, he has to
    call the bank to find out what's cleared and what's out (no system) and like paying the bills with the credit cards to where they are maxed
    out, he didn't tell me. I can't usually think straight long enough to
    keep track of anything, he can't understand that and understands the pain and loss of abilities less and
    less. I've done EVERYTHING my pain
    specialist has wanted me to, I've tried every therapy and even the supplements and all for long periods
    when he didn't want me to. I've developed problems with ALL the depression meds now, new and old. Only the stretching, warm baths, meds
    and trying to get up and move as much as I can helps me at all. Even CQ10?
    made me violently nauseated. I feel so alone much of the time, my only daughter has FM too and works full time with difficulty (her husband is
    very understanding), my parents and
    all relatives but two long distant
    cousins remain..I have no siblings. My small cast of supporters were all
    older than me and five years ago when
    my mom died, they all died in a six
    month time period of various things.
    My best friend lives in another state
    and she and her husband have serious
    health problems too, so we can't visit each other any more. I feel buried in the disability I have, in
    money problems I can't help, in a relationship that is spinning to an
    end I fear (I just can't take much more of the picking and poking at what feels like my open wounded heart). I'm sorry to be so new and
    dumping so much garbage, I cry all the time..some depression but some
    just futility. So I DO feel how you
    feel and I wish there was more I could do for both of us. Much love
    and soft hughs! Bambi
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Its good you got all of this out. Its always better to voice what is bothering you than keeping it bottled up in your head and heart.

    Will surely be praying for your ex husband and your boys. That is so sad that he has to go half a world away from his sons.
    It is better than the whole bunch they deployed today (Third Army) to the Middle East! Dear Lord, I pray for all those young men and their families.

    You need to get some rest, these holidays stress out the best of people, and we are so prone to stress! It makes us sicker than we are.

    My husband as well as all those who have to deal with this illness do get their share of stress too. I threw a 'fit' here, and literally threw a glass of grape juice at him this week! Yea, I can get totally out of it sometimes too. He cleaned the mess, went to bed and I can bet he does not tease me anymore for a very longtime.

    Since this happened, he has cleaned the carpets, the kitchen floor, the spare room, did the groceries (only spent $20.00 on movies, usually its much more!), got what was on the list for a change except for the movies.
    I handle the finances here, and I am hell on wheels when he waste money, and he is a spend thrift by nature!

    Usually we get along fine, and he is very helpful when he is home(he works for an oil company, and is gone six months off and on through out the year), but I do think that the stress of the holidays makes all of us a little crazy.

    It seems the holidays brings out the worst in everyone instead of the best, as it should do!

    You take care of yourself, get your rest and hopefully you will be feeling better in a few days.

    I am sure, like my husband, he does not mean a word he said! We can put them under a lot of stress and tension sometimes. I know I do that, I hate that I can't do all those things I used to do, and have to depend on him to do them now. That alone pushes my buttons!

    Take care, and let us know how you are feeling.

    Shalom, Shirl