So sad, Mom is moving far away

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Greenbean7, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Sorry, I try to be upbeat and cheerful on the board. Just can't do it today. I told my DH I can't play nice so I better not play!

    My mom is moving across the country. We live in Washington State and she is moving to Virginia to live with my youngest sister. I’m so depressed. I feel like she is going away and I will never see her again. I’m 52 and am surprised how much this hurts.

    Mom has Alzheimer’s (she turned 80 in May) and it has gotten to the point where she can no longer care for herself. She has become very defensive and angry, depressed and almost mean. I know it’s the disease, but it still hurts. I used to talk to her everyday (she lives about 45 minutes away) and go see her every couple of weeks. Now I don’t want to call because she causes me so much stress.

    She rants on about all of us. Older sister is trying to steal her money, three of us are trying to put her in a home, youngest is selling all her things and is taking her home to live in a cell. It just goes on and on. DH keeps saying it’s the disease, it’s not your mom.

    I know it is for the best for Mom but it has put me in a terrible flare. The stress is awful and I can’t stop crying. I told her I would come see her on Sunday because they are leaving on Monday. My DH doesn’t want me to go because he knows how much it hurts me, emotionally and physically.

    Thanks for letting me vent. When I’m like this I would always talk to my mom and now I can’t.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean

    Stop and smell the puppies!
  2. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    Sorry about your distress. How is it that your Mother is
    moving to Virginia? Is it of her making or someone else?
    It sounds to me that she has "deminished capacity" and
    that someone in your family should obtain a "Power of
    Attorney" or a "Conservatorship" over her for her own
    good and safety. Her illness is progressive and is only
    going to become worst!

    Concerned,
    MRDAD
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Stringbean:

    I had to put my father in a nursing home out of state. They had a bed an it was a nice place. I took Power of Attorney and handled all of his affairs. So sorry you have to go through this.

    My father passed away and I know I did my best with him.
    Why not think of good times you had with him?

    Regarding your sister is another matter. Maybe talking to her might help. Also--many nursing homes let their loved ones us the house phone. It takes a while for them to get to the phone, but it is worth the time.

    Wait! I forgot that your father has not entered a nursing home yet.

    Sorry, but I will leave the message for future use.

    But, hey: the Power of Attorned is a good thing to have.
    You can run rings around your sister and it will give her a good kick in her butt.

    nyrofan
  4. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Yes, all the legal things have been covered. Mom met with her lawyer this week and got everything set up.

    She has progressed to the point that she didn't remember she had burned up her tea kettle. The fact that she burned it up was really scary, the fact that she then blamed it on someone else was really bad because she lives alone.

    Mom went out and visited my youngest sister for three weeks in June and they discussed it then. Mom's three youngest granddaughters, 13, 6, and 4, are my little sister's. Mom wants to be close to them.

    When Mom came home she said she didn't want to go. But after being back for a couple of weeks and feeling really lonely she decided she wanted to move. She doesn't remember that I talk to her every day and insists that she hasn't heard from me for weeks. She does the same with my older sister, younger sister and my brother.

    Mom has said for years that she is lonely and depressed. We have tried repeatedly to get her out with other people. We have an awesome senior center and they do all kinds of stuff there but Mom said she didn't want to spend time with those "old people". My older sister takes her out on her guide dog training outings, I take her to bingo and we took a long drive to see the elk this winter, my brother takes her on his birding trips, but we just weren't able to get her to try anything on her own.

    We all take her to dinner and my step father and his wife (he and Mom have divorced for about 15 years) even take her to baseball games and have her over for dinner.

    It's just so sad that I am losing her AND she is moving away. My DH said the blessing is that I won't have to watch the decline.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  5. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Stringbean:

    I had to put my father in a nursing home out of state. They had a bed an it was a nice place. I took Power of Attorney and handled all of his affairs. So sorry you have to go through this.

    My father passed away and I know I did my best with him.
    Why not think of good times you had with him?

    Regarding your sister is another matter. Maybe talking to her might help. Also--many nursing homes let their loved ones use the house phone. It takes a while for them to get to the phone, but it is worth the time.

    Wait! I forgot that your father has not entered a nursing home yet.

    Sorry, but I will leave the message for future use.

    But, hey: the Power of Attorney is a good thing to have.
    You can run rings around your sister and it will give her a good kick in her butt.

    nyrofan
  6. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I think you misunderstood. My sister isn't really taking her money, none of us are trying to put her in a home, and she won't be living in a cell. She just imagines this stuff and then tells it to people.

    We have actually all been very good about trying to help her and we feel this move to my little sister's house is a good thing for Mom. It means she will be able to stay out of an assisted living situation for much longer.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Greenbean:

    I am sorry. You are right: I misunderstood.

    I am in a little bit of a fog today, so I will have to take it slow when reading posts.

    What is good for your father is good for all. I hope.

    (((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

    NyroFan
  8. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    You really are foggy, child! It's my mom! You did make me smile though!

    Hope we don't run into each other in the fog! We could get dents!!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  9. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    From your reply to me I commend your family for its seem-
    ingly unselfish attention and devotion to your mother!
    As difficult as it is, sounds like you are all doing the
    very best you can in a most difficult situation. Your
    younger Sis in Virginia is taking on a commitment that
    will be trying and of personal daily sacrafice. Your
    mother is indeed fortunate to have you all on her page!

    MRDAD
  10. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Been there Done that!! It is so unbeliveably (SP) difficult!!.......................My MoM's Decent into Alz. was a 5 year stint. the last year in a nursing home with my Dad at her side everyday......................................Your Husband is right!!!....It's Hard for her to leave you now and go to your sisters~~~~~~ But the burden will be lifted for you alittle bit!....................................................There's no easy way to go through this but right now it's really Better for her to be where someone can watch her 24-7 ! I'm so very sorry for you! and if you need to talk about it i'm here!

    My Mom passed away peacefully 3 years ago. But man did she fight it! the decline was so hard to witness ! I couldn't believe or understand how she was feeling inside as she was the one going through it!.......................I'll be Praying for you my Dear!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sydney
  11. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Thank you!

    Mom is at the point now where she knows what is happening to her and is really angry (who wouldn't be?) and scared.

    I miss her already and think I would even if she was staying here and going into assisted living.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean

  12. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    greenbean I know you love your mom. But I took care of my grandmother when she had Al's and it is so tiring. You need to let go and let someone else help her. Its their turn now.
    I know you will miss her I'm so sorry for you. start writing her letters and you can still be talking to her.
    The things she says are the DD. My grandmother was always telling us someone was taking her money and stuff. That only gets worse.

    My grandfather also had Al's and he got very mean .Granny had to put him in a home to protect himself and her. That D, changes our loved ones and there comes a time when for their safety we just have to let go and let those trained do their jobs.
    I'm sorry this hurts so bad.
  13. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I was going to see Mom on Sunday to say goodbye and had a migraine. I had to go have a shot at the ER at 5:30 Sunday morning. I hoped to see her Monday morning before they left but had to go get another shot.

    Still have the headache and am really upset that I didn't get to see Mom before they left.

    THanks for all your caring responses.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  14. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    My older sister called this morning to make sure I was alright. She told me they didn't leave until yesterday instead of Monday as planned. If I had known I would have asked my DH to take me up to see them.

    I haven't been able to get Mom on the phone yet, but will keep trying. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to her yet anyway. I don't want to get all upset and bring this migraine back down on myself. It's still there and I don't want to miss any more work.

    Thanks for your kind reply.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean