I know it's been a long time since ivebeen on here but I don't know where else to turn. I'm prolly just having a panic attack but I feel like I'm never gonna feel any relief and I'm so scared! It isn't an outrageous thought because after all I am 41 yrs old and I have had very few days where I haven't been in pain.most days I just try to grin and bear it. think positive and blah blah blah. but then some days it gets so bad and nothing brings me any relief and i start to get so frightened that the pain and weakness will never let up and i will go mad with the agony and simply die! or that perhaps i am actually dying and that is why i feel so awful, even tho my blood work always comes back "normal" and the drs say i seem fine. i try so hard to do everything "right". Work hard at trying to eat healthy, take lots and lots of supps, walking and stretching, relaxation tecniques, positive affirmations, etc. i take meds which i hate doing on account of side effects, etc. But whenever i think about the years before i had any and it was so unbearable it makes me shudder to think of my llife back then, so i keep on taking the pills, even tho i hate them. love/hate i guess... you all probably know what i mean. i take up to 6 norcos a day,, at least that's what im allotted, although some days [like today] i take up to 8,, which leaves me with a deficit beofre my refill is authorized. what's frustrating is when as so often happens, i don't get any relief at all. then here i am, in relentless pain, and knowing that i'll be short for the rest of the month. then, of course, w/o them i am SURE to be without relief in the coming days/weeks. that makes my present pain aggravated, and also makes me feel panicky and rather pathetic. But again, i spent 30 some years without any relief at all, and it was so horrible i cannot go back to that! I have been on 6 hydros a day for over 3 years, so i don't think i need dr phil or anything 8P But still... I am also taking ambien for sleep, 1800 mg gabapentin, 60 mg prozac, and 2 lyricas a day. i have been taking most of these for years and i confess i do play round with the dosages, often attempting to wean myself, and times of day i take them, etc. there's so much more factors involved too many to delve into mostly cos i don't have the energy right now, but mostly i am just in an acute state of anxiety/depression due to a 'flare' i guess that i can't seem to get any relief from! feels like my whole body is in a charlie horse as well as the burnig searing feeling in my skin. started getting pretty bad this afternoon, and here's what ive tried so far: all my meds, more meds, a shot of vodka, herbal tea,, warm bath, food,, a brisk walk, stretching, deep breathing, crying,, lying still, drinking lots of water, taking cal-mag, fish oil, arnica, acidpohilous, digestive enzymes, EVERYTHING! all this of course, over the course of several hours,, not all at once! anyway the last thing to try was poking my head out of my cocoon and reaching out in writing. my depression has made me isolate myself quite a bit lately, so this is kind of hard. thank you guys for listening and understanding! I am SO SORRY FOR all of our's sufferings... you guys,, it hurts so bad! HOW can there be nothing wrong?? That is something so hard to understand.after all these years, is there any hope????