So tired of being exhausted

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Vada, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. Vada

    Vada New Member

    I am so tired of being sore, exhausted and in pain all the time now. When I was first diagnosed 2 years ago I could still mive around and was just a little stiff. Now every morning I wake up and am in screaming pain. Once I get up it tones down some, but as the day goes by it just gets worse. I try to get up and do things but with my depression/anxiety/panic disorder and a new dx of agorophobia it is getting harder each day. My meds seem to work for th3e depression/anxiety/panic and the cymbalta that i take is only slightly numbing me and making me be very sleepy.

    On top of this I am having difficulty accepting that I have chronic mental illnesses. I have accepted my fibro, osteoarthritis and asthma, but it seems that deep down I have not accepted the other things. I am going through a hard time with many "losses" in my life: more than likely never going to work again, definitely teaching is out, dealing with the realization that I have never had a chance to actually live a whole complete life like most women. I had no childhood due to sexual abuse and psychologicazl trauma, my first 2 marriages didn't work out due to the fact that I didn't realize that I needed help with depression. My present hubby is very supportive but it is just so hard to know that he is walking out the door every morning to go teach and I am stuck here just rying to keep myself alive and functioning on the basic level. I go to my appointment and am trying a course that meets 1 hour and 15 minutes 2 days a week and do a few things around the house. Today I was trying to do some cleaning and I just about cried since I felt that I oculdn't do things right. I am no longer able to bend over to do simple things like washing the tub or scrubbing the shower walls. I have been trying to think of something that can be purchased that will help with this. I also need to look into getting something better to use rather than an egg crate pad under my shhet for my back and sides.

    On top of all this I have to go tomorrow to my school systems retirement office to apply for disability retirement. I never thought it would come to this. I have applied for LTD , SSDI and now this. Paperwork is a killer and I do not do well with strange or new places.

    Any advice would help.

    By the way Sharon, I am glad that this board is getting better. Do you check into the chat rooms ever? I was in last night but you weren't there and it seemed that the "newbies" have a hard time reaching out to us "oldies."

  2. auntcon

    auntcon New Member

    I'm having a good spell... several nights of good sleep. When I'm at my worse I just remember that there WILL be some days coming up when I will be able to clean my room...go to Walmart... visit with family.

    I went through a very difficult period of anxiety and didn't want to leave the house. Still don't enjoy it.

    I take cymbalta too. It helps better than anything else ... so far.

    I never go anywhere alone. And realize exactly what you are saying about losses. No roller coasters, no dancing, no hiking. My kids are teens and have no idea how fun I used to be. I watch them go off with friends to do those things and it hurts.

    Stress management... breath... thank GOD I'm not in a wheelchair---although somedays I would appreciate the ride.

    I hope you have a better rest of the day
  3. Vada

    Vada New Member

    To all that responded to me, thank you. I have posted other things and did not get any response. So to answer some of you questions.

    1. Due to the meds that I take at night (200mg Lamictal and 50 mg Trazadone) I am out very quickly and stay that way for at least 8 hours or more. Usually once a nite I get up, struggle to bathroom and come right back to bed and am asleep within 2 minutes.

    2. I use a CPAP machine due to mild sleep apnea which has solved the REM problem.

    3. Yes I do have pain when I type, due to the fibro and a bad left hand which I broke 2 fingers in Feb 2001, have had 2 manipulation surgeries on it and during the last one the surgeon couldn't do anything. When I woke up with the problem still at hand (hehe) he told me that he would have had to break all my fingers just to see if it would help and he didn't want to do that to me. So since them I have a left had that has a working thumb, the index finger can bend about 1/3 of its normal range, the middle finger bends at the knuckle and some near the second "knuckle, and the other 2 fingers only bend on the tips. So this now has caused me to nit and pick on the keyboard. I have learned to type better since I do know where the keys are, but since I used to be able to type at 90 words per minute, it sucks. I cannot grasp anything regularly, I can only semi wrap me hand around things and hope I don't drop it.

    3. I am considering getting the bathtu wand thing for my spare bathroom, but our shower stall is made of coriander and can only be cleaned with non-abrasive material. Do any of you know if the bathtub thing will work on that.

    4. My husband has been helping so much since I have been dealing with all of these things. I hate to ask him to take on even more of them. I just get so angry at myself that I can't even bend over to clean anything and when I sit down on the floor to try and just clean my cats nose prints off the windows I hurt and need assistance getting up. I am almost at the point of seeing if we could get one of those cleaning services to come in once a month to do the cleaning.

    5. Yes it is very hard to see hubby go off to work and I can't teach, volunteer or anything until I am off of my LTD. The policy that my school system has set up with Liberty Mutual does not allow me to do any volunteer work, since if I can do that then I should be able to work somewhere. Talk about being stuck between an rock and a hard place. I JUST WANT TO JUST GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING !!!!
    I cry alot when I am frustrated with not being able to do things that I used to enjoy. Everyone says that I should exercise more and get out. It is hard to exercise when I am hurting so much and I can't do any weight bearing exercises or be around groups of people with alot of noise (severe auditory sensitivity). Last week I actually decided to go to my gym and use my snorkel and mask to swim underwater while an aerobic class was going on nearby. It was very relaxing and I did it for 30minutes and sat in the jacuzzi for 15 minutes afterwards. Unfortunately for the next 2 days I was in extreme pain in my feet, knees and shoulders. I don't know if I tried to swim to long or what. Yes it got me out of the house which helps with my agorophobia but in the long run is it worth the pain?? I really don't know.

    Sorry to vent so much. I really do want feedback.

    Also my pain in the morning: we can't buy a new mattress that would be firm for my hubby and not hurt me. Any suggestions on what I can get that would help me? I know that there are
    foam" products out there to help but don't know where to get something good but fairly inexpensive.

    Again thanks and feel free to continue feeback. ((((()))))) LaVada
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I will admit it. I see a psychiatrist. He is so young and just out of school. I am one of his first group of patients.
    I have anxiety trouble dealing with these disorders. I go twice a week. It has kept me sane. I finally told him about the drinking I was doing, about all of you and the eventual call to AA and my doctor.

    A real mess, huh? So hang in there. The light at the end of the tunnel comes when you least expect it.
  5. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    I have a foam mattress topper that helped me alot. I got it at Linens and Things for $179 for the queen size. It is 2" thick and is by Sleep Innovations. I got their credit card when I bought it so I saved 10% and just paid it off.

    I recently had to get another to add to it due to a lot of hip pain at night. It is 1.5" and is from I got it on "Bill Me Later" which is sort of like a credit card, without the card. You can charge things with other merchants on it and pay a monthly minimum. This one was 64.50 plus shipping, which was about $10.

    I put it under the 2" topper. The drawback with the 1.5" topper is that it is not quite wide enough so it is causing a gap at the edge of the bed that hubby is complaining about and it does not have a cover, which the 2" topper does.

    I am going to try and put the smaller pad on top of the bigger to see if that is better for hubby.

    As for the bathtub, I wanted to try the Clorox Bath Wand too, but when I saw it was $10, I changed my mind (I am very cheap! LOL). Instead I bought one from Scotchbrite that has a telescoping handle with a teardrop shaped scrubby head. It cleans VERY well. But it would probably scratch what you have, but look on the mop aisle in the grocery store to see what else is out there.

    Also, you can try typing "cleaning tips" or just "cleaning" in the search box here and see what you can find. There was an excellent post some time ago with all sorts of labor saving tips. I remember one about the shower as well.

    I think it is using automatic dishwashing liquid and squirting it on the shower or tub, leaving overnight and then cleaning off the next day with a mop - you know the cotton ones with the strings? There are probably more on that thread that could help you if you could find it.


    PS. I am going to search too and if I find it I will bump it up to the top for you. In case you don't know what bumping is, it is just hitting reply to a message then typing bump in the title and subject and posting so that the thread comes back to the top.