So tired of being tired

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SuzieQ, Feb 6, 2003.

  1. SuzieQ

    SuzieQ New Member

    Well, been a long time since I posted a pity post, but I think I'm getting really depressed about my life. It's not a depression that any kind of pills will cure. It's this dd and all it entails. I am diagnosed with fm, but probably have cfs too. I get feeling so exhausted sometimes and I try so hard to fight it. I'm a single mom and don't have time for it. Instead of fighting it though, I have given in to naps when I should be doing things with my 6 yr old instead. She tells me I'm lazy on a frequent basis. I just can't be constantly doing stuff like everyone else around me, but am so tired of being considered lazy. I have money problems, and everyone says work some overtime...I can barely work regular time. I've tried vitamins and minerals. I've prayed. I've cried. I just don't know what else to do. I see so many products telling me they will give me more energy, but I just can't afford all those expensive supplements, that for me have never worked. I'm actually dreading the arrival of spring. It was 65 and sunny out last weekend, and I was wishing it was cold and raining so I would have an excuse to be in bed with a book or dozing. If I don't get out and do stuff with my daughter, she will resent me, and I would die if she ever decided she would rather live with her dad, than me. There just has to be some solution out there. I can't take feeling like this all the time. I can deal with the pain a whole lot easier..I can just ignore it or use the heating pad for awhile. But this exhaustion is killing me. I'm embarrassed for people in my life to realize how little I do when I'm not working. I don't think my house will ever be clean again...lucky to have a path from one room to the next. Has anyone felt like this and improved. I'm 33 and feel 83, I really need to know if there is any kind of hope of improvement. Maybe this is just the winter blues and I'll feel better in the spring, but I just don't know anymore.

    Trying to hold on to hope, Susan
  2. kredca4

    kredca4 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you have this DD, and at a young age.
    I wish I had some magic words to give you to make your troubles go away, but I don't. I'm in the same boat, just in a different cabin.
    I have MPS along with the FMS, and the 2 can cause Fatigue, so I'm limited in what I can do and when I can do it.

    When your in bed, have you tried games or reading a story or have your daughter read to you? I used my down times that way when my Son was young, I called it our "Quite Time", and he usually ended up taking a nap too.

    I'm sure your Daughter will understand better when she's a little older, it's hard for them to grasp the effects of these DD's.

    I too cannot take Supplements, but I do find a lot of good advise for other treatments from some of the other folks here, so hopefully one will be the right one for you.

    My house has at times been one complete mess because I couldn't keep up with it and these dd's.
    It'll work out in time, you'll either get someone to help you, or find more closet space to shove the mess into, under the beds good too, keeps the dust mites down.
    Don't sweat it, a House is a House, your Heart is the Home for you and you kids, and it's a Warm and Comfy place I'll bet.

    I no longer tell my Health problems to friends, as they usually try to give advise that Normals might beable to use, but dosen't always help people with these dd's.
    It makes them think your not trying, that your making excuse's because you don't Want to get well.
    I just had to stop being around folks like that, no matter how well meaning and kind they are, I found that it brings a certain Frustration for them as well, when we don't take their advise. No what I mean?

    Hug your kids tell them you Love them and work togeather with them to find small things to do not the big things, they'll wear ya out and that's no good . They will get older and hopefully they will be more Understanding too.

    God Bless You,
    kredca4/sharon

  3. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    last spring i was where you are. completely exhausted all the time. all the supplements in the world ( i tried everything) did not give me my energy back but here is what helped.

    i started walking. at first i could only walk to the mail box and back. then the next week, i walked to the next house and back. then, 2 houses and back. now, i am walking for 30 to 40 minutes 3 or 4 times a week.

    i feel much better on my good days, yes, i still have fatigued days when i just stay home. but the walking has improved my overall fitness and outlook tremendously. i didn't have to buy anything, except buy those gel inserts for your walking shoes!, join an expensive gym, get in a car and drive anywhere, just step outside my front door.

    i hope you can try this. it took me a couple years to finally commit to doing this, and i wish i had done it sooner.

    warm regards, fibolady
  4. Fireball

    Fireball New Member

    Susan,
    I too have no magic cure to make the fatigue go away. I work and use the weekends to recuperate. I am 53 and have had fatigue for years. Some days it gets me down too.

    Just hang in there and celebrate what you are able to do. I too am trying to exercise and that has helped a little. I think trying to keep a positive mindset works the best but obviously this is hard to do some times.

    I work and on my days off, I often do nothing at all. I can't remember the last time I went to a movie. I do usually make it to the supermarket and Church but that is about it for me on a typical weekend.

    It is really, really difficult when friends, coworkers etc. do not understand what you are going through. That is why is am on this board everyday. Reading these messages keeps me going even though I don't always post.
  5. Chrissy2

    Chrissy2 New Member

    Susan, I really understand how you feel. The exhaustion is the worst part of FM for me, too. It was really getting me discouraged. I have been taking 15 mg of the NADH for a few days now, and it is really helping my energy level and focus.

    I will be praying for you today. God does NOT want you to lose hope. He loves you. He feels your pain. He can deliver you from your exhaustion if it is in His will, and if you believe. Our God is POWERFUL.

    Love,
    Chrissy

  6. Spoonerpaws

    Spoonerpaws New Member

    I hear you!

    In fact, I said these same words to myself earlier this week.

    Some days are better than others, and I live for those days.

    I keep hoping that someday, there will be some sort of improvement

    Take care and remember that good days do happen!
  7. Plantscaper

    Plantscaper New Member

    Dear Susan, I am all for the motivational statements made by the previous people and it does help..but I found that a medication called Wellbutrin helped me immensely with energy which was not part of my arsenal before..my physician recommended it highly for that purpose.. but since our biochemistry can be different it may not help, but may be worth a try...since I have migraines, I am being fatigued by the preventative med. for that, now, but Wellbutrin was a godsend to me previously...hope that it can work for you...and I think, eventually, your child will understand.. AMELIA
  8. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I notice you are concerned your daughter may want to live with her father instead of you. I am divorced and remember how difficult it was for me to allow him to have the kids any time at all. However they were teens at the time and decided they wanted to live with both of us, so we had joint custody.

    If there is not some reason that he couldn't have custody of your daughter I would highly recommend it for you. We split the weeks, my daughter's idea, but it was actually advantageous to me.

    I could plan that I would be by myself every Wednesday, Thursday and alternating weekends. I still attended all her sports events, but I also had that down time when I could just stay in bed if that's what I felt like doing.

    Even though I found it difficult at first to be alone on the days my kids were with their dad, I eventually grew to cherish my time alone.

    So, like I said, if there's not a reason for him not to have custody, I urge you to try it. Your daughter will benefit too. My daughter used to tell me frequently she was so glad she lived with both of us because most of her friends who were in families of divorce did not have a relationship with their fathers.

    Barbara

  9. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    i'm sorry i missed the part of your post about your daughter possibly going to live with her dad, that you would die. at my sickest, my very active daughter, which i could not keep up with, decided that she wanted to go live with her dad. it broke my heart. if you need someone to talk to about your feelings on this i would be glad to "hear" you and share some of my frustrations and what has helped.

    maybe your daughter could possibly spend some extra time with her dad, then you could concentrate on your health and hopefully make an improvement. it is difficult being "sick" and a parent at the same time.

    warm regards, fibolady

  10. SuzieQ

    SuzieQ New Member

    My daughter does spend some time with her father, but he would never have full custody of her as long as I am still kicking..which I plan on doing for a while(just no high kicking..hurts too much). He isn't as bad as he once was, kicked us out right after she was born because he had found some new woman. I had to move back to MI. The first couple of years I made a few trips so she could be exposed to her family in TN. He never once in almost 5 yrs came to see her, even when it had been a couple years in between visits. He went a whole year without calling and checking on her. Then he finally got his act a little together and started calling and checking on her on a regular basis. I eventually moved back down here because I wanted her to know her dad, grandparents, cousins, and most importantly her half brother and sister. Since that time, he had let both of us down in many ways. The most recent was on Christmas when I had to work a 12 hr shift and it was my daughters first christmas without me, but I tried to look at the bright side that she would get some quality time with her dad. Wrong...he spent the day with his girlfriend and Ashley never even saw him until later in the evening, and he wasn't going to come over then, but his parents talked him into coming over. He's good at talking like he wants to get to know her better, but the reality is different. The only reason I worry about her ever wanting to move in there is because of the kids and the swimming pool...not because of any deep love for her daddy. She spends about 3 days a week over there and 1-2 nights, that's enough. The 2 weekdays I have her I have to get her caught up on her reading and spelling for that week. If I want her to grow up in a loving home, I can't let go of any more of her than I already do.

    Susan
  11. Coach

    Coach New Member

    I just wanted to put in my 2 cents here. I'm totally new here and am here to learn. I don't have fibromyalgia or CFS, but have been autoimmune prone my whole life and searched for a cure to my problems for years (I was on topical steroids from the time I was a baby until I was about 35 when I finally figured out my way off. (I think I've had just about every symptom of every autoimmune disease at some point or another). I'm now 39, I have a Ph.D. in genetics, a masters in exercise science, a BA in PE and in Psychology and have explored a multitude of alternative therapies. It took me up until about 3 years ago to finally figure out the key to my own health problems. A lot of stuff led up to it. I found the turning point in the most unexpected of places and it all fell in place. It changed my life, my thinking, and my career. More later. Anyhow, I truly believe, no, I truly know, there is an answer for everyone who is willing to keep searching and working, or at the very least, ones quality of life can be greatly improved. Don't give up. Its all starting to come together now, the western medicine/science, eastern, and everything in between. Supplements are fine and helpful, but I also know from my own experience and from the science of it that it can be done inexpensively. I hope to learn from the experiences of everyone here and I hope as I learn from everyone here that I can be of some use to you. There is far too much unnecessary suffering going on.
  12. joyelvey

    joyelvey New Member

    Suzi,

    Here are some things that have helped me. I am a single mom of two chidren who are now "grown" and on their own and who turned out great even with all we went through.

    First off, the best medicine is this: Simplify! simplify! simplify! If you have more in a room than you can pick up and straighten in 5 or 10 minutes, it's time to get rid of "stuff" -- I've pared down clothes, shoes, momentos, cosmetics, jewelry, books, you name it, to just the best. You and your daughter can get some big boxes and have fun putting everything in that someone else could use . . . and putting the rest in the trash or recycling containers. Be ruthless about this and only keep the most precious of belongings. Once you get rid of your "stuff", you and your daughter can clear out all the dust and dirt that's left over, or hire someone if you can. Havingb things clean may give you more energy too. Then make sure you have a comfy, sofa or chair where you and your daughter can curl up together, relax, and watch wholesome movies or t.v. shows together, eating popcorn if you like. If the sofa/chair is old, dirty, mildewed, etc., get an inexpensive but happy colored bedspread/throw to go over it, one you can wash so that you are always resting on clean fresh fabirc. Have a table nearby that stays cleared-off where your daughter can do art projects, and thenher homework ,while you lie nearby, reading or snoozing till she needs you.

    Your local Y has before and after school programs, and often weekend classes. They have "scholarships" for those in need. Call up the membership secretary and discuss your situation and ask for their help and suggestions.

    Remember: It's only recently that parents have been expected to be their children's companion, playmate, and recreation director. You can always opt for the old-fashioned approach . . . . :"As soon as you clean up, you can go outside and play with your friend(s) till supper."

    You and your daughter can plan something special to do each week. Make this something relaxing for you too. . . . Maybe go to a movie. . . . Or go for a picnic, taking along blankets to stretch out on, even if it's only in your own back yard. . . . Visit your local animal shelter and get a kitten that will give you both hours of entertainment. and affection. Teach her how to cook simple meals for the two of you. Say your prayers together.

    I wonder where your daughter learned to call you "lazy" at the age of six. Instead of worrying about not doing enough, teach her that each person is special and has strengths and weaknesses, but that we should never call someone else "names" or judge them.l

    Last but most important, remember this: If you were completely well and energetic, you might be a lot busier than you are now. Your daughter is lucky to have you with her. In this way, your DD is a blessing. The most importance things are love and togetherness.

    Are you still worried and scared and depressed about your ex, his influence with your child, the loss of his presence, having to do it all alone? This can really drag you down. Start dreaming about your future, and let your daughter know you are still a family. Together you two can clean out the past and start a new life that you will share.

    Keep hope in your heart,
    and be thankful that you are alive to share life your daughter,
    Joy

  13. tiredjane

    tiredjane New Member

    Hi Like you I have days I just don't want to move!! Between the pain and the being tired I would like to just give up-- but I'm just to stubborn. You have to look after yorself before you can look after your daughter. Make a list of things your daughter likes to do that you can watch and caught some quiet time while she is doing them. Plus tell her want is wrong. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I also live in TN. Eastern part of middle tn. Tiredjane
  14. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    I was on a web site and they talked about a thyroid med called cytomel and that it was great for boosting energy and getting rid of fatigue. Ask your doctor about it. I take right now as I had my thyroid removed. I was so tired and they doubled the dose and I was not so tired. Hope this helps
  15. aprilhuque

    aprilhuque New Member

    and now I am 27 and I have fibro/cfs/mps/migraines too, and am totally feeling you on the fatigue aspect . . .

    what I will say to you might sound redundant, or too simplistic, but I want to let you know how touched I was to read your post. It is healing for me to hear mothers that are so concerned about their daughters, and willing to fight to keep them, despite little energy and mucho stress . . .

    see, my mother never TOLD me what was going on with her. SHe never told me that she was sick, or that she needed medical attention. True, she wasn't diagnosed with FMS because of the medical community's ignorance or lack of attention to the severity of this illness . . .

    all I felt my whole life was that I was making her tired, that I was the reason for her illness--that is what a lot of children do, they sometimes carry over this trait that they had at age 2 & 3 that they are omnipotent, meaning that they attribute their parent's behavior to themselves--

    I thought that I was the reason why my mother was always in bed and never interacted with me . . . it was very damaging to say the least . . .

    All I can say is communicate with her that this is not her fault, and not your fault . . . even if you have to sound like a broken record, keep communicating that and as much as possible, that there is hope that you can beat this . . . maybe implement a quiet and soft cuddle time, and let her know that you want to hear her voice and see her face, and not to be afraid of mommy . . .

    I dunno, please contact me if you would like to talk at
    "aprilhuque@yahoo.com" or on this board.

    So sorry that you are going through this!
    April