So tired

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by clementyne, Aug 19, 2010.

  1. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    I have been looking forward to this day all week. Having the house to myself. Yesterday was a lovely day. It was cooler & DH took me to the Zoo in the morning. We have a beautiful Zoo & it was great to walk thru the grounds. Last night I had a FX make-up job which went well & I went to bed looking forward to working in my garden this morning & getting the house straightened after DH being home for 2 days. I was in my yard for about an hour, came in hurting & I have been unable to get anything done. I feel like crying. I hate this DD!
    Tomorrow, I am watching my 2 nephews & niece ( all toddlers) for 11 hours - and I just don't know how I am going to do it. I haven't even made the bed yet and it is nearly 4pm.
    I have trouble relaxing when my home is in disarray but from my chair I can see a corner of my garden where I keep a hummingbird feeder, a finch feeder & a songbird feeder. The hummingbirds are quite bold & sometimes fly up to my patio door to peer in. I find comfort in that little patch of the world.
  2. sascha

    sascha Member

    tomorrow? that sounds like an awful lot to manage. if someone could come lend a hand that would really ease things up for you.

    i have 18-month old grandchildren (twins)--my son and dil know of my cfids so don't expect i can be with them on my own for any length of time. i go over and help and be with the twins once a week and always have to have recovery time after. i wouldn't change it for the world- the going over and enjoying being with them, but there is a price to pay. i'm always trying to work it out so that i am minimally impacted, but yet can stay connected to their lives. it's a tricky balance.

    i hope you know of someone who can come over, have fun with the kids, lend a hand, and take some pressure off you.

    and if you set everything up as kid-proof and safe as possible, maybe you can get down times with them reading books, letting them roam around on their own. maybe a kid video for a break. GOOD LUCK! sascha
  3. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I compelety understand. It is so hard to feel good and do things,thinking the next day will be the same.

    My gkids are older and I can barely get thru a visit and know the next day will be bad. makes it hard trying to explain why theres no more sleep-overs.

    good thing you are resting today. try to pace tm if you can. maybe rest if they take a nap. can you sit on proch and let them ran in backyard?

  4. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    to go & the kids will be at home with their parents! Would it be wrong of me to cheer?
    My alarm went off, I got out of bed, went into the kitchen & looked out the window to see my sister-in-law already sitting in the driveway waiting for me to turn the lights on. Don't people know when you tell someone that you will be there at 6:30am, it is NOT cool to show up before 6:30am! Jeez!
    And at no time today were all 3 kids asleep at the same time.
    Sorry for complaining.
    I will be joyful...I will be joyful...I will be joyful
  5. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    It help's, doesn't it? To know we aren't alone? I am so glad I found this site with others who understand exactly how I feel.
    I hate seeing the things I love to do slipping away from me. I have recently been thinking we might need to sell our home soon and move into an 'adult community' where we wouldn't have so much yard to take care of.
    I Know what you mean about picking up things that are too heavy. I have been buying the smaller bags of dog food even though it is much cheaper to buy the larger size but I can't pick it up. Same thing with laundry detergent & stuff like that. Although my husband bought the large size & fills the smaller one for me, if I remind him :).
    Thanks for your words of encouragement!
    Be Blessed!
  6. keke466

    keke466 New Member

    I so understand how it is. I'm so tired all the time I can't seem to get anything done anymore. I have FM but I suspect CFS too but right now I'm having some thyroid issues so not exactly sure which one ios causing me to be so worn out. I only work PT I only work 2 nights in a row and I'm off 3 days and the few weeks I'm just so worn out after those 2 nights I can anything. I hate it because I used to be such a perfectionist and clean freak and I could care less anymore. I actually disgust myself and don't even want anyone to come over and see it. This is my 2nd night to go in and I didn't sleep very well today and I'm already worn out before I even get ready to go.
  7. u&iraok

    u&iraok New Member

    C--you actually did a lot by walking at the zoo so don't be discouraged. If you love the zoo maybe you didn't notice as much what an effort you were actually making. How many hours were you there, standing and walking? Even though a healthy person could do that, then go out at night and get up the next day, just standing and walking for a few hours is really a lot, overdoing it, actually, for us.

    keke, don't be so hard on yourself. I like how Dr. Cheney says we have to move from the mindset of DOING to BEING. It's really hard though, because I'm a doer and many of us are. I'm not Type A but I have some of the characteristics and I get satisfaction from doing and accomplishing.

    But we have to pace ourselves and stop and smell the roses and shift our thinking and compare ourselves to each other, not healthy people.
  8. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    Love the name!

    I think we spent about 3 hrs. @ the zoo. And I do love it so! I used to go & spend all day long there & then I could barely make it back to my car (this was before I knew I had FM & I felt like I was lazy), now we have a membership so I don't feel so bad if I can only spend a couple of hours there.

    I am slowly realizing that just because I can't do what others can do it doesn't mean I am lazy & a loser. But that is how I felt for many years. I used to participate in a walk-a-thon for missions - 15 miles. The last time I walked it I was so embarrassed & ashamed. I came in dead last (it wasn't a race but you kind of knew where people were), even behind a lovely young man who walked it in leg braces & crutches. When he passed me, I sat down on a rock & cried. I was almost there...just a mile or so from the finish line but I did not know how I was going to make it. My body hurt so bad with every step & I was calling myself every kind of loser name I could think of. I finally made it.

    We were having a picnic at the end but by the time I got there, there was nothing left - not even a bottle of water. People were coming up to me wondering "Did you JUST get back?" I just laughed & said how beautiful the walk was & since it wasn't a race, I was just enjoying the beauty in the park. But inside I was dying! I got in my car as fast as I could and went home. I didn't even shower - I just laid down on the couch and slept for about 16 hours. At the time I weighed about 115 (I'm 5'2"), I generally weighed about 105 - 109 lbs so I thought I was huge. I thought the reason I hurt so much & had so much trouble with the walk was because I was so fat & out of shape. I was used to exercising every day but had gradually cut back on what I did because of the pain.

    I kept thinking about that walk - worrying about the next year, trying to build up my endurance by exercising more - all the time struggling & failing. I went to my family Dr. whom had been my Dr. since I was born & he wanted to put me on diet pills because I was gaining weight. All my physical issues, he said was because I was gaining weight, which of course just reinforced how I was already feeling.

    Not long after that he got arrested as a 'Drug Doc' but I kept trying other Dr's & while none of the others said I needed to lose weight they all said there was nothing 'physically' wrong with me. That was in 1988 & I was dx'd in 2006.

    As the next walk-a-thon approached, I was getting more & more scared when The man who was in charge came to me & asked if I would 'consider' forgoing the walk because he really needed me to head up the picnic. Of course, I jumped on it! I truly believe that God intervened on my behalf & gave that man the idea.

    I know this post is overlong but I also know that I am not the only one of us who has struggled with their limitations - who have been humiliated & degraded by Dr.'s who did not believe us. And to all of us, I say this - we have endured despite our pain. We have learned to do things differently when the old ways no longer worked. We have encouraged others when they have been weak and most of all we have refused to give up on life even when going on seemed too hard.

    We are wives and mothers, lovers and teachers, sisters & friends. We count men among our number now and welcome them. We are strong & I am proud of everyone of us!
    Be Blessed!
    [This Message was Edited on 01/31/2012]
  9. u&iraok

    u&iraok New Member

    I agree, jaminhealth. I read on the Lyme boards how many people were athletes or big exercisers and I wonder if it's true of people with CFS too, and if it's one of the things that contributed. I was, too, I started with Charlene Pritchett on tv in 1982 I think it was, and never quit. Every other day, sometimes every day for 45 to 60 minutes working out hard. Partially I think it's because I've never been robust and super healthy and I was hoping working out until I was in the best shape I could be would take me there. Maybe I'll start a topic asking how many people were athletes or big exercisers.

    When I started feeling better with the CFS I immediately started exercising, 30 to 45 minutes every 3 days. Well, that was too much and I had a relapse. Now I've cut way back to 10 to 30 minutes once or maybe twice a week and cut it out altogether if I do yard work or something else. I'm gaining some weight but I just have to accept it.

    C--3 hours at the zoo is a long time! I understand, I love animals and love the zoo, too (except seeing the animals caged is kind of hard, especially the cheetahs). I can't stand or walk that long without repurcussions, I'm sure most people with CFS can't.

    Dr. Cheney says focus on being not doing and healing not recovery. I always say we're who we are because we are ourselves, not because of what we do. No one is like us, we are each important.

    I always get mad when I see people who are healthy who waste it on being lazy and not taking care of themselves but maybe they are happy and they are themselves and loved by their friends and family for who they are, not what they do.

    But like jaminhealth says be gentle with the body and you have to change the way you look at things, at yourself. Focus on what you have and what you can do, not what you don't have and what you can no longer do. It took me a while and I'm not completely there but I'm glad I did it.

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