So trapped!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Aglaia, May 29, 2009.

  1. Aglaia

    Aglaia Member

    Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore! I've had FM for 9 years and Panic Disorder for 2 years. I'm 35 and I'm completely dependent on my husband who has been unemployed for the last few years and is older than I am. The stress of our terrible financial situation as well as myriad other problems has left me feeling 100% trapped, drained, and hopeless.

    We live in Europe and the health care I've received here is utterly subpar. I'm all for Universal Health Care, but the way I've been treated and the lack of knowledge about FM where I am is shocking! Also, the waiting times to be seen by specialists is crazy - sometimes 6 months or longer.

    I'm American and I just need/want to go home to the U.S.! It's been more than 3 years since I was in the U.S. and that was just for a short visit. I'm so depressed, exhausted, in pain, etc. and I keep trying to figure out how to get out of this awful situation...but there just doesn't seem to be any solution.

    The few relatives I have in the U.S. are incredibly selfish and can not be counted on for anything. In fact, being around them causes me enormous stress and makes my FM flare up.

    I miss my independence more than words can ever express! If I were healthy, I could move back to the U.S. and make a life for myself. Instead, I'm stuck, trapped. In every way possible. The older I get, the more hopeless it all seems.

    My biological clock is ticking so loudly it's giving me a headache and soon FM will have taken away everything including my chance to have children (something I really want). :-(

    My husband (who is European) and I have talked about moving to the U.S., but given the global financial crisis, my health problems, the fact that he's in his late 40s, etc...well, it just seems to be too big a risk to take. On the other hand, if we stay where we are now...I'm afraid the toll on our marriage will be too much and we might end up getting divorced.

    I have wanted to move back to the U.S. for a very long time and he is quite willing, but the problem is that there is so much risk involved and we don't have a support network in place. Then again, we don't have a support network where we live it's not like we would be leaving something great behind if we moved.

    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent/ramble. I just need to talk to some people who understand.
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Iam so sorry for what you are going thru. It must be so hard to be so far away and ill.

    Would it be better for you to come home where things are maybe a little more familar and maybe than you could build a network of support? It is so sad how many families are not there for us.

    Do you get any treatment at all where you are at? Maybe best to come home now while you can still travel.

    Im glad you found us so we can give you some support and encouragement.

    cyber hugs
  3. faithinlove

    faithinlove New Member

    I am also am so sorry for the things you have to go through.
    If you are not getting good treatment there it might be worth it to come back here and get some better treatment. I know stress triggers this ugly dd.
    In the future for you and your husband if you come home it may be less stress on you and therefore less on your husband.
    Hon, only you know what you can do and cannot do. Just thought I would let you know some of my thoughts.
    Would it be better financially where you are or would it be better in the states? That is another important question to ask yourself.
    I know you want children very badly.
    Do not ever give up on your hope though.
    Miracles really do happen.
    (((gentle hugs)))
    love and "Faith"
  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Vent away - we all need to sometimes!!

    Only you can answer this as others have stated, but would you find more stress staying or leaving where you are?
    What kind of work does/did your husband do? Yes, the job situation here is not so great, but certain industries/companies might be worth checking out.

    Would you want to move back to where you lived before or are you flexible in where you live in the states?
    You have to take care of YOU, what's best for you long term, your health, your happiness, your marriage. Maybe if you know that you'll get here somehow, someday, you would at least have something to look forward to. It's nice to hear that your husband is willing!

    It must be awfully difficult to be in a country where you don't want to be and things feel impossible. It's bad enough to be trapped in a body that we can't count on.

    There is always risk in anything that is a big change that requires a leap of faith, but when there is risk, the paybacks are usually greater.

    Depending on where you want to live, there are certainly areas that are more affordable, housing prices are dropping rapidly - it all depends I guess on where your husband can find a source of income. You don't have to answer here, but do you have any money saved at all, to sustain you for a couple of months or longer?

    I feel for you - I hope that you can find a way - there usually is...sometimes it doesn't happen as quickly as we'd like, but don't lose hope!


  5. Pippi1313

    Pippi1313 New Member

    Can you come home to the States, get disabilty, housing assistance, etc?

    The other replies are correct. There are places, even in/near major cities, where the cost of living is affordable.

    I survive quite well, financially, on disability. I live in a big city. I'm minutes from my docs & hospitals. The city buses are all wheelchair accessible. etc.

    I do have a large & supportive family. I know that makes a difference. (I don't need financial assistance from them, although they'd provide that if I needed it - just their emotional support & presence during crisis periods.)
    You'd have to establish a support system, but as you said; you don't have one there either...

    But, speaking on a strictly financial level, it's do-able here.

    Just a few things to consider.

    The other posters are correct. You have to do what's best for YOU.
    When you make your decision, don't let others talk you out of it (which they might attempt to do with the ol' guilt-trip - telling you that you should consider someone elses' needs / wants over your own).

    Long-distance good wishes & HUGZ 2 U!
  6. otis89

    otis89 New Member

    sorry i cant give you good advice, but i can relate to what your going through, i know the feeling of wanting to be independent, and feel like your frozen in cement, it causes alot of stress which is torcheress. i know at times i feel as if my head is going to explode literally from not being able to make things happen, just know ive said a prayer for you and hope tomorrow will be a brighter day...your friend, otis89
  7. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    aglaia...this financial crisis won't last forever. also, i read on the prohealth board that there is some housing for people like us. prohealth has donated some land and they have built some homes or something...i am not sure about the details..perhaops you could look into that.

    maybe you can move to the US and get medicaid (not sure how that works) and see a CFS/FM specialist. you can still get better.

    there was a woman on this board who posted just once i think. she said valcyte for 8 months got rid of 80% of her firbomyalgia pain.

    maybe you will have kids later in your life. maybe you won't have kids because you are meant to care for a foster child or adopted child...

    you never know what will happen..
  8. Aglaia

    Aglaia Member

    I really need and appreciate it. :) I keep analyzing how to make moving to the U.S. work and I still haven't come up with any definitive answer/solution. I just know that something has to change because...well, it just has to. This perpetual feeling of desperation and despair is completely draining me. I thought things were horrible when I just had severe FM, but when the Panic Disorder hit, well, I lost my ability to do basic things like get in a car, taxi, ride a bus, get in elevators, fly, ride the subway, etc.

    I'm trying to get CBT so I can at least learn to cope with the Panic Disorder, but things take forever where I live and my experience over the years I've lived here is that the majority of medical "professionals" here are totally incompetent. :(

    At this point, I can't get home because I can't fly. I don't even know if I could manage it if I took a lot of sedatives before and during the flight(s).

    I'm really trapped.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/06/2009]
  9. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Hi Aglaia

    Sorry to hear no changes have happened. Do you also have CFS? Anixety and panic attacks also are a symptom.

    I suffered horrible panic attacks to the point of agraphobia. Back then 1970's didn't know what they were,just thought I was losing my mind. Meds never really worked all that well. Once I knew what they were I basically learned how to talk myself out of them.not easy.

    I hope you can find something to help. Have u cked vitd levels? b12?

    cyber hugs