Some Golden Oldies

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by JimB51, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. JimB51

    JimB51 Member

    Some golden oldies...

    1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
    Unique Up On It.

    2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
    Tame Way.

    3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
    They Take The Psychopath

    4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
    You Boil The Hell Out Of It

    5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

    6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

    7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
    A Stick

    8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
    Nacho Cheese.

    9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses.

    10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

    11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
    Spoiled Milk.

    12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

    13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
    A Nervous Wreck.

    14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
    Anyone Can Roast Beef.

    15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
    Right Where You Left Him.

    16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
    Because They Have Big Fingers.

    17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
    Because It Scares The Dog.

    18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

    19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
    The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

    20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
    Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

    21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
    A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack. "Dang! "
    A Bad Skydiver Goes, " Dang!" Whack.

    22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
    Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

    Now, admit it... At least one of these made you smile.


    Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Well, Jim, some were golden oldies and some were golden newies.

    Thanks for the laughs.

  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Da-da-da-da. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.

    OK, here's a joke from the village paper my brother sent me from MN.

    The Depression has reached London. Big Ben has gone digital.
    Several old hands were laid off.

    And here's one from the net. It involves a young woman of no particular
    hair color. (Don't want to offend anyone.)

    The woman in question was crying at her desk. When the boss asked why,
    she explained that she had received a phone call w/ terrible news. Her
    mother had passed away.

    Although the boss said she could go home, she decided to stay and work to
    try and take her mind off her grief. A few hours later the boss found her
    at her desk sobbing.

    "Still feeling terrible?" he asked. No, she said. "I had another terrible phone
    call. My sister called. Her mother died too."

  4. Gingareeree

    Gingareeree New Member

    haaaa,haaaa....good ones!!!~~Jeanne
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Whenever I see your name, it reminds me of an old song called "The
    Happy Wanderer". The chorus goes: Valderee, valderah...

    Anyway it was a big hit when I was a teen. Sung by a children's choir.
    You can find it on Youtube. Where else? The whole world seems to be
    on Youtube.

    It's pretty much guaranteed to cheer you up.

    Hi Jean, Do they have earphones at the library? I went to our library
    yesterday. Forgot it is now closed on Mondays. Many librarians laid
    off. After decades of squandering and stealing, the govt. entities are
    running outta money.

    But not to worry. The politicians don't get laid off.

    Here's a "celebrity" joke. As always, changes were made in the movie. In
    the book, Harry Potter had to repeat his first year at Hogwarts.

    How come? Poor spelling.

  6. Gingareeree

    Gingareeree New Member

    I remember the wanderers' song. In fact it was one of the first songs I learned in choir when I was approx.8 years old...yikes! That was fifty years ago!!! It is a happy tune!!~~~Jeanne
  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    They ALL made me smile!!