some of you may remember......my son

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lynncats, May 17, 2010.

  1. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    well, got another kick in the stomach. Found out yesterday, thru my son's in-laws, that my son and his wife had another baby. I had no clue that she was even pregnant. He still has us cut out of his life. His in-laws are trying to talk some sense into them, to grow up and be adults. I won't go into all of what was discussed yesterday, but I pray there will be a day that I'm back in my son's life, along with my 2 grandsons. Sorry, but I had to get this off my chest. I wish all of you the best, and have a great day.

    HUGS

    LYNN
  2. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    I hope that your son realizes that he is hurting his two children just as much as he is hurting you by not letting his boys get to know their grandparents. That must be extremely hard for you and your husband not getting to see the boys, especially when they are babies. Are his in-laws able to send you any pictures so you at least know what the boys look like? I know it isn't the same as holding them :-(
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear the bad news. Seems like for most of us, there are frequent kicks
    in the stomach or the pants.

    Is it realistic to hope for a reconciliation?

    My son called last Christmas and talked to Gordon. Said he wanted us to be friendly
    again. Trouble is, I don't believe it. Not after being excluded for ten years.

    And I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him. I'd be worried he wouldn't like
    something I'd say, would take offense, etc.

    As the song from "Showboat" says, I hope some good luck comes your way.

    Rock
  4. LEFTYGG

    LEFTYGG Member

    your son will come around I really believe he will so just you wait and see he will be back.love gail
  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    So sorry to hear this,how hurtful. I've walked a fine line sometimes with my daughter and gkids.

    I told her once when she threatned this who was she really hurting? Yes me but mostly the gkids.

    Hopefully they will grow up and listen to in-laws.

    better days ahead I hope
  6. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    So sorry hun. I amazes me how many people this is happening too. Pray that things will work out, I believe in the power of prayer.
  7. bobbycat

    bobbycat New Member

    My best friend walks in your shoes. I know it devastates her as she still does not know what she has done to cause it and he won't tell her. He has blocked her out of his life and with that the grandchildren. His wife will talk with her and sometimes through her she gets a glimpse of the children but rarely. It is hard to know what to say to her as it is to you as the pain must cut deep. I just listen to her when she needs me too and as I have known her so long I know for a fact she has done nothing what so ever to deserve this treatment. I often wonder what is happening to the last couple of generations as in my generation we would never even thought of disrespecting our parents.
  8. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    what are those? Tigerlilea, they will not send/e-mail, well hell he doensn't even talk to us, any pictures. No ties with us is what he has stated. The other grandparents, will not go behind their backs and send any. take care, thanks, and have a great night.

    LYNN
  9. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    but I've been down that road. Have a great night, and enjoy your tomorrow.

  10. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    Peace within yourself. Throughout your posts, you have tried so much with your son.
    Pray for your son as this is what he and you need. Finding peace within yourself as knowing you have done all you have.

    You are not alone, parents and grandparents feel much pain when rejected by one they loved and raised. There is much of this happening in today's society and it is simply wrong.

    Your health is important, added stress can destroy one. Please Don't let that happen.

    It's ok for you to vent and get this off your chest. Anytime you need to, many are here to listen. I am so sorry you too are going through this. It is very heartbreaking to say the least.

    You're in my thoughts and Prayers
    May you find peace within
    Never give up on hope
    Many Hugs for you
    Butterflydream
  11. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    My heart breaks for you. I dont understand the parent that would deny their children the love, support and accdptance of a loving grandparent. Its such a special r-ship. And unfortunately too many grown kids do exactly that. They ard in essence robbing their children. My own DD went thru a spell where she didnt talk to me for 2 yrs. My DH kept telling me that shed come back. Said they always come back. Im not naive enough to believe that they always do. Its my wish and fervent prayer that your son returns and brings those grandkids with him!
  12. Yucca13

    Yucca13 Member

    Hi Lynn. I don't post often, but we have the estrangement of our children (and grandchildren) in common. It has been five years now since my two youngest daughters decided to fire me as their mother. They also cut off their older sister and their nephews. When my son (their brother) died from a drug interaction in 8/08, I begged them to talk with me about their grievances. All they have done is throw out a few more accusations about things I did/didn't do when they were growing up.

    My oldest daughter is a wonderful person.It must be terribly difficult when your son is your only child. I also have a grandchild that I may never meet. I have not been able to figure out why these adult children do these things. Part of the reason is our narcissistic society, I believe. I hope that your son realizes how important you are in his life and ends his estrangement from you. Take care. Val

  13. Junegal

    Junegal New Member

    I'm sorry you are in so much pain, it's awful. I don't know your situation and I am not judging you. But in my opinion, you should not continue to contact them, as many have mentioned.

    I am on the "other side" of this and many replies could have been written by my mother. What very few people know, is that my mother was abusive to me growing up. But that's not why I ended the relationship. It was because she could not stop abusing me in front of my kids, and then emotionally abusing "her grandkids" (They are not her possessions to intentionlly hurt as a punishment toward me, but she never figured that out)

    I worked really hard on getting her to stop and even tried to set boundaries. The more I asked her to stop (screaming, crying, throwing fits, hitting me in front of my kids) the more she upped her game.

    I got sick just a few months after she had me on the phone and attemped suicide (so I could hear her) and then was told repeadely that if I would just do as I was told by her (back in the day when she was calling daily and I was trying desperately to meet her needs and keep the peace--which I *now* realize isn't possible because she's mentally ill) I got sick after that and I don't want to "blame" her per se, but in my opinion, the continued abuse for over thirty years did not help my physical condition and the stress of hearing her attempt suicide and having my dishrag of a father yelling at me blaming me did cause a major insult to my physical health.

    So there are those who might say "oh, but she's your mother, she loves you, she needs those grandkids" but I never got a mother, and will never allow her to abuse my children the way she did me. I see far too well how damaging it is to the body.

    I am not in any way saying this is your fault, I am just giving a view from another perspective. Maybe your son has a personality disorder, who knows. I'm sure it hurts you terribly, and I bet he is hurting too. But no matter what, I'd back off and let him find his peace with whatever it is he needs to do for now.

    I know the more my mother tries to contact me, the more I recall the horrible events that led up to my decision to find my peace and try to heal physically from the damage that has been done.

    Just my .02...


  14. LEFTYGG

    LEFTYGG Member

    this is hard for me to relate to because I had a very loving mother. her favorite saying was If your mother tells you wrong then youre in real trouble. Because your mother only wants the best for you.

    but now I see all mothers arent like that so if your mother was that abusive I too would have to eliminate her from my life to protect my children. Im so sad you were subjected to this its a wonder you can even function. love gail
  15. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    Sadly, for every person who grew up in a loving close family, someone else grew up with the opposite. My B-I-L made the decision a year ago to no longer have contact with his mother and her husband. His mom was emotionally and verbally abusive and after 45 years, he decided his mental health was more important than continuing to try and please his mom. At no time has he ever told or asked his kids to stay away from their grandmother, however, after witnessing the abuse over the years, the kids decided on their own to have nothing more to do with her either.

    It's sad, but, however, in some cases the parents bring this on themselves. People can only put up with so much sh*t and abuse, and then one day wake up and realize that they don't have to take it anymore.

    I totally understand why you felt you needed to distance yourself from your mom.

    And, Lynn, I'm in no way implying that this was what happened with your son and his family.
  16. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    i am so sorry.

    here's a question for you. i remember reading about the whole saga. isnt one of the main reasons your son wont see you, he claims is due to your using mj. even though i disagree with him about thinking that is a valid reason to cut the cord with you, and i am sure you disagree also- but have you considered not using mj- so that you could see son and grandkids?

    best of luck
    bigmama2
  17. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    for your thoughts and concerns. A couple of you guessed the reason.....yes, I smoke mj. But that has ended as of the day I spoke to my son's in-laws. they stated that is the reason for this "cut-out" of their lives. So now I'm trying to fix it. As a matter of fact, my son called me Wednesday, to say hello. We talked about his work/college. Not a long conversation, but it was great hearing his voice. Then yesterday, he called and talked with his Father. So hopefully, we are on a long road to recovery. And I must admit, it will be hard for me, as the mj helps me eat, and relax. But it will be worth it to have my son and his family back in our lifes. Wish my luck. Ya'll are the best, thanks for everything.

    HUGS

    LYNN
  18. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    Can't there be some kind of compromise, such as you don't smoke weed when your son and family are coming over, or you are going over to visit them. There is no reason that you should have to totally give it up just because your son doesn't happen to approve. I'm guessing that you son is very old fashioned in his beliefs. On the days that you will not be seeing your son or his family, he doesn't have the right to tell you that you can't have a smoke, especially if this helps you with your health problems.

    Maybe it is because I am from British Columbia, but I don't see any difference between smoking weed or drinking a beer. As long as you aren't abusing it or driving a car while under the influence.

    Glad to hear that your son is taking the first steps to reestablishing a relationship with you and your husband. I hope everything works out for you and your son and that you both will be happy :))
  19. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I agree 100% that it his not his business. But I've got to give this a try. My son's FIL, said this is my only chance. My son knew of my mj smoking when he turned 17 or 18, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it, until he married this girl, and had a baby. Anywho, thanks for not judging me, I appreciate it. you take care, and have a great day.

    HUGS

    LYNN
  20. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I wish their could be a compromise, back when all this started I told my son that I would never be under the "influence of mj" while with them nor my grandson. He didn't buy it, nor did his wife. So that is where we stand. Gonna give it up, and see what happend. Thank you for your replies, it is appreciated. Also the fact that you don't condemn me for smoking, is appreciated. I've never thought of mj, as an "evil" drug, like some of the things out there now.

    Take Care,

    HUGS

    LYNN