Some REALLY GREAT Blonde Jokes (I think)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by elliespad, Feb 2, 2007.

  1. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench

    and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther

    away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says

    "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"


    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it

    died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

    She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the

    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely

    for her license. She replies, "I wish you guys would get your act

    Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you

    expect me to show it to you!"


    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees

    another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can

    get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then

    the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that

    body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor.

    me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and

    screamed , then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She

    pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and

    screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said,

    "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm

    actually a blonde" "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is


    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

    Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind

    wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing

    lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his

    bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The

    said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the

    on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? Blondes are going to be the

    on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and

    their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
    said the

    Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.

    going at night!"


    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She

    rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,

    "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear

    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,

    and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying

    one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,

    heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

    HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

  2. kholmes

    kholmes New Member

    I especially liked "River Walk."
  3. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    These are tooooo funny! I just called my blonde daughter and I'm reading these to her just cracking up. Next thing I know I realize she hung up on me!!
  4. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    These hit a little too close to home; I feel like a dang blonde sometimes with this stupid fog.

    Just this morning I burnt some beans on the stove. I went to check them at some point, but by the time I got to the kitchen I forgot all about beans, got some gatorade, and went back to the bedroom. Duh! By the time I remembered them, the bottom 1/4 of beans were burnt. Oh well, at least I didn't leave a friend in a tanning booth or sauna or something.

  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Yeah, you betcha.

    Then there was the blonde whose car was dented in a hail storm. The body shop man told her, "I'd just forget it. We'd have to charge about twenty bucks apiece for all those little dents. Cost you too much."

    "Oh, I thought you could do them all at once someway."

    "Well, you could try blowing on the tail pipe. See if they all pop out."

    So she tried it. Her equally blonde friend gave her some advice. "That's not gonna work till you roll up the windows."

    And here's a joke about two blond men:

    Two blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. "We need some four-by-twos."

    The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
    The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

    He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
    "Alright. How long do you need them?"

    The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

    After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

  6. caffey

    caffey New Member

    1. What do you call 4 blondes in a freezer?
    Frosted flakes.

    2. How can you tell that a blonde has been making corrections on the computer?
    By the whiteout on the screen.