some very funny doctor/patients jokes

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sunflowergirl, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    Sent: Sunday, November 06, 2005 5:06 PM


    > These are too cute not to pass on!!
    > >
    > > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
    > > to have her baby
    > > in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the
    > > cab, lifted the lady's
    > > dress, and began to take off her underwear.
    > > Suddenly I noticed that
    > > there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong
    > > one.
    > >
    > > Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Antonio, TX
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
    > > on an elderly and
    > > slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
    > > "Big breaths," I
    > > instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the
    > > patient
    > >
    > > Dr. Richard Byrne's, Seattle, WA
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
    > > told a wife that her
    > > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
    > > Not more than five
    > > minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
    > > the family that he
    > > had died of a "massive internal fart."
    > >
    > > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > I was performing a complete physical, including the
    > > visual acuity test.
    > > I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
    > > began, "Cover your
    > > right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
    > > perfectly. "Now your
    > > left."
    > > Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
    > > There was silence. He
    > > couldn't even read the large E on the top line I
    > > turned and discovered
    > > that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
    > > standing there with
    > > both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
    > > finish the exam.
    > >
    > > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
    > > with his
    > > cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
    > > was having trouble with
    > > one of his
    > > medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
    > > nurse told me to
    > > put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
    > > out of places to put
    > > it!"
    > > I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
    > > hoped I wouldn't see
    > > Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
    > > Now, the
    > > instructions include removal of the old patch before
    > > applying a new one.
    > >
    > > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > While acquainting myself with a new elderly
    > > patient, I asked, "How
    > > long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
    > > complete confusion she
    > > answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when
    > > my husband was
    > > alive."
    > >
    > > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
    > > breakfast this
    > > morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
    > > Jelly. I can't seem
    > > to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
    > > then asked to see the
    > > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
    > > "KY Jelly."
    > >
    > > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
    > > young woman with
    > > purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,
    > > sporting a variety of
    > > tattoos,
    > > and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
    > > quickly determined that the
    > > patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
    > > scheduled for immediate
    > > surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
    > > operating table, the
    > > staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
    > > green,
    > > and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep
    > > off the grass." Once
    > > the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
    > > note on the patient's
    > > dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
    > >
    > >
    > > and finally...
    > >
    > > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
    > > embarrassed
    > > performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
    > > embarrassment he had
    > > unconsciously
    > > formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
    > > lady upon whom he
    > > was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
    > > and further
    > > embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
    > > sheepishly said, "I'm
    > > sorry. Was
    > > I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the
    > > song you were
    > > whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
    > >
    > >
    > > Dr. wouldn't admit his name
    > >
    >
  2. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    i tell you what this was so funny, made a bad day great, love the jokes, just got home from doc. these jokes fit right in with my day,
    very funny
    becca
  3. slowdreamer

    slowdreamer New Member

    Thankyou Sunflowere Girl for todays medicine
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Thanks for sharing! I had to copy these and send them to my daughter who is a doctor!

    Janet