=== SOME witty 1 - LINERS ===

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Oct 3, 2008.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I'm NOT going.

    At my age,
    I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...
    I just can't remember it all.

    My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

    Classified Ad:
    Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

    If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

    Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

    It's hard to be nostalgic
    when you can't remember anything.

    Of course I don't look busy...
    Either it's not worth doing, or I did it right the first time.

    My husband is the head of the household, but I'm the neck
    (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move).

    If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

    I just want you all to know - I run things at MY house!
    --the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc.

    She's always late.
    Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

    You have the right to remain silent.
    Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.

    I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges...

    Despite the cost of living,
    have you noticed how it remains so popular?

    It has been predicted that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
    someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

    Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

    Just remember:
    if the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

    It was recently discovered
    that research causes cancer in rats.

    Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

    Shin: A device for finding furniture.

    Everybody lies,
    but it doesn't usually matter since hardly anybody listens.

    I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    When you go into court, remember this:
    you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    and my favorites:

    I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few more.

    The 50-50-90 rule:
    Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
    there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

    [This Message was Edited on 10/03/2008]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Well, all the stuff you post is pretty funny.

    I have to question "get another one just like it" tho. Do you really want two left (or right) shoes?

    I dunno about the buck stopping here either. If you stand too close, and it's hunting season, you could get shot.


  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    have to say, your comments always crack me up Rock!

    As to the shoe(s)... splitting hairs here of course LOL... if it was the 'olden' days, the shoes WERE made the same regardless of which foot, there were no righties or lefties.

    RE bucks - yep... the fewer the bucks of THAT kind would be a very good thing - not only do I not want to get shot lolol.... but don't want any more tick bites!

    buenos noches!

  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I was thinking that very thing (sided-shoes are modern) when I posted. If you go here


    you may be able to hear "Your Shoes, My Shoes" by Tom Paxton. A song w/ a lilting melody.

    The modern world is made up of a lot of things that are relatively new. Big things like cars and little things like can openers and zippers and cake mixes.

    Appreciate your efforts to keep the board cheery.

  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Some of these are sooooo funny because they are true. Thanks for the laughs.

    BTW, one of my favorites is that there are three kinds of people in the world. Those who understand numbers, and those who don't.

    Love, Mikie
  6. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Thanks so much, I need that!!

    Some of these sound almost like Stephen Wright? Are they? I love his sense of humor.

    I will have to see if I can find some from him.

  7. mybadi812

    mybadi812 New Member

    In this neck of the woods if you stand too close to a buck, it could buck you back :)
  8. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    My favorites are the 'shin' one and the "if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen"

    Thanks for the laughs first thing in the morning! Grrrreat way to start the day!
  9. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Thanks alot for posting Fun Stuff!,,,,,My favorite one is the right to remain silent one!,,,,,,,,,,Sis
  10. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Thanks for sharing those, Victoria! I'm going to pass those on to some friends who need a laugh.

    Have a great day,