something interesting said on Dr. phil yesterday....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by joannie1, Mar 20, 2003.

  1. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    I don't know about the rest of you but i watch him as much as I can. Well, yesterdays topic was about being too busy with family and trying to please the everyone and wearing yourself thin with fincaces at the max and running the kids' everywhere.
    Okay anyway, he says to a lady do you realize what you are doing to yourself? You are not allowing yourself to relax. Your are on high speed all the time and if you don't stop the stress and all of this go, go, going you will end up sick. he said something to the effect you will end up with Lupup,MS, and more diseases that are simular to ours. Do any of you feel that this type of life is what you lived prior to coming down with this DD? Because i surely could relate to it. One of the ladies was me for many years prior to this happening to me.
    I have to say that I was disappointed in him by not including this DD in his list but, that is the way it is with this ha.
    I was just really shocked by his opinion on over worked and over achievers and wanted to share.
  2. kellbear

    kellbear New Member

    I totally agree that stress is a big part of any illness. I have hit lots of major life stressers in just 3 years of my life. Engagement and wedding planning, my parents divorce, my wedding, my mothers complicated illness and death that took me away from my new hubby for 6 months, 2 jobs that let me go because they went bankrupt, financial problems, hubby mental illness, marriage breakdown. All of this and I kept pushing and pushing myself. Not taking care of myself and I am paying for it now.
  3. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Dr. Phil has definanetly gotten me through some issues. I watch him as much as I an and I read some of his books. I definaetly believe that stress has a huge part in why I am like this now. I have been living with my mother who is in remission from breast cancer, has MS, degenerative disks, AND fibro, as well as my 19 year old sister and her 10 month old son. My sister is basically useless. I do everything around here. No mattewr what we say to her, she sits on her butt all the time or sleeps. I have defianetly become the mother and caretaker of everyone. So, I have worn myself down to nothing. Everytime I do the smallest things, like laundry, I have to go lay down. I usually end up in massive pain with my back and legs. It can be so frustating. Now my 19 year old sister has mysteriously ended up with a bad back and certain fibro symptoms. It is really hard to believe her. So, we are a bunch of invalids living under one roof. It's been so hard to try to concentrate on myself when I have to take care of everyone else. I hardly ever have the energy to leave the house.


    I can totally relate.

    I was the person that wanted perfection in everything that I did. I was Ms prim and proper. I was on top of fashion and style. I was the one that tried to please everyone. I was the one that met all deadlines. I was the perfect wife and mother waiting on my family hand and foot. I was the friend that went out of my way to plan your surprise parties. I was the professional that planned all company parties. I was the person, people loved to be around. I was the one that was the life of the party.

    Now I'm all but a shadow of myself.

    I don't get any phone calls, I can't have a good time, I can't take a walk through the mall with my daughters, I don't feel that I can be the "wife" for my husband intimately, I'm tired all time and in pain for the most part. I spend most of my time in t-shirst and sweats even though I want to return to that person I remember, I just can't bring myself to do it.

    Now the only thing that I find myself doing is getting doctors to believe me. Mind you, I've only had this problem for the past 6months. I'm not sure what the future holds for me.

  5. srollins

    srollins New Member

    I know for a fact that STRESS created my DD.It also keeps it going! Is'nt Phil wonderful. I know he is touching alot of lifes. I dare anyone to put him down.LOL
    Warm Regards to Everyone,Shirley
  6. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    I am glad I am not alone on this. jellybelly I have to ask in your second paragraph, what does that stand for wpc I think it is. That is really something and sounds like me. When i went to Mayo's pain clinic they informed me my biggest problem is I that am A type and a perfectionist on top of it...

    Cookiemonster, your not alone, i am dead most days and stil try to do everything for the family and not because i want to but because I hate it not being done 'right' in my eyes.
    Thanks for all your thoughts on this. And yes!! I LOVE Dr. Phil.
  7. pamela

    pamela New Member

    Cookiemonster couldnt have said it better. That was me...go, go, go, plan everything, be everything, do on and so on. I have had MAJOR stress and abuse in my life. People say I have been thru the ringer. 2 failed abusive marriages, lost my dad (my life) to colon cancer 1996 and watched him suffer, 2nd marriage ended right after that, 1st marriage was from literally H**L, major abusive friends since age 11 to now, stress so bad that the sickness before I became a walking FMS person was so very bad I still have nightmares, just pure H**L. Can't even think of the words to describe any of this. So I believe that stress will eat you alive. It does invent pure sickness in a persons health. I still have it at work as we speak. Other than that im happy now...Love Pammy
  8. pinkquartz

    pinkquartz New Member

    i was just skimming thru posts and spotted what you said about not expecting to live past 30 that is so strange because i had had the exact same belief !!!!!!
    and on my 30 th bithday i got so ill, kidney problems and its been downhill faster ever since. I was ill before then but nothing like after.
    i was committed to burning the candle at both ends, and i have to say i did have a lot of fun.
    not any more though !!!! LOL

    if i can refer back to a thread from the weekend about HSP's yes i do feel the natural world is where i feel my best ,that and a touch of the mystical stuff.
    Many years ago when i was able to work but was sick, i was given some rose quartz as a gift, to help me be kinder to myself, as i was always pushing myself too hard. Which i think brings me back to this thread.

  9. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    Push, Push Push....non stop for YEARS, than came the slap in the face. I crashed hard. I honesty beleive this has everything to do with this illness. I don't think I have heard of anyone yet who had a very docile life and ended of with this disease but I could be wrong.

    I have always been told by Doctors the hallmark for this disease is people who were over-achievers!

    Susan B
  10. pinkquartz

    pinkquartz New Member

    i always pushed myself too much.

    but so did my mum and she didn't get the DD, so its this plus something extra. Maybe genetic, from my dad's side i have hypothyroid problem.
    and i have always believed toxic chemicals are part of the picture for me.

  11. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Hi Lifedancer, I was the one who had to be there for everyone. I had to give and do and be and give to everyone. I poured myself out like a bottle of soda. Must have thought my supply was endless. I believe that being that person who did't have me on my to-do list has made me sick. Then I had scolioses and complete and total situs inverses. (all my organs reversed) and being born with the verebraes in my neck fused from birth didn't help any. We sewem to not have a clue how to love ourselves(as in take care of ourselves) I have come to believe that it should be manditory for us to teach our children that. Just like we teach them to look both ways before we cross the street. Maybe it would go a long way towords keeping the next generations from being where we are now. Sorry I wrote a book. I have been so lonely for so long, now it seems like I can't stop talking.. Luv Afeni
  12. TerriM

    TerriM New Member

    I definitely led that type of life . . . busy corporate career job in Washington, DC, 3 hour roundtrip commute, taking care of my elderly mother, side antiques business for "fun" . . . I never relaxed at all . . . plus I have a husband and a home to take care of . . . crazy! I think we all think we can do it all until we finally collapse from trying. I am sure there are genetic factors and other things, but I think the tremendous lack of relaxation and the high stress environment definitely contributes . . . Terri

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    I believe stress is a BIG factor!!! I am the type who always put my job first. I would go to work sick, even if the doctor told me to take a few days off. I would usually take the day off to go to the doctor, get my Rx's and return to work the next day. I have a high stress job but I always looked at it as a challenge. Should have listen to my daughter. She has told me many times that I need to slow down and find a less stressful job.

    At home, everything has to be perfect. Don't like any dirty dishes in the sink, not even a glass. So, this DD is so fustrating for me. I cannot keep up my house as well as I use to. Thank goodness my husband is helping. I need to be careful here because I have a tendency to tell him just how I want something to be done. I need to just be thankful he is doing it, and accept it as it is.

    I am on LTD from work and that adds to stress because they call me often and send letters too. They really want to know when I may return to work. I have been out of work for 5 months now and my doctor had to fax in a report( THIRD FAX IN 5 MONTHS ) of expected date to return to work. Each time she estimates 2-3 months but adds that it may be longer. Do they really think I like to be in pain everyday!!! I would go back to work in a heartbeat if I could feel as I use to.

    Another stress thing for me is the fact that my only son is in the Navy. His aircraft carrier has not long ago come back from overseas. I pray that his ship will not get called to go back out. He has a wife and two baby daughters. They live 1000 miles from us and I miss the four of them so much. Pray for my daughter-in-law's uncle because he is one of the men on the front line in this war.
    I pray every night for all of the people who are serving our country.

    My apology to our kind moderators. I guess I got off track here and have typed to much. I think I might just be trying to get some stress relief. Take care.
  14. catnip51

    catnip51 New Member

    I do love Dr. Phil also. The man is a natural at what he does and how he so knows what he is talking about. I have been told by my psycologist also that I am a doer and perfectionist. Always there for everyone, family friends, mother, caregiver and I didn't mind it until I crashed from all the stress. That is our type and have been told that many times.

    I can remember a very long time ago a reverand at my parish who I was seeking help and counseling from. He explained it to me simply. "You take a cup and fill it with water and if you keep pouring what happens". You can guess it, the cup overflows. Couldn't have explained it better don't you think? Glad all you friends are here and the support is great. I never was one to respond to posts but this board is wonderful, I feel the support from each and every one I read.
  15. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    I remember being the perfect child. I was the one that had to do everything, because I was so capable. I was strong, and as a teenager I had a free spirit that no body coould crush, so I thought. I had one bad marriage, and then married again and had 3 kids. I had to do everything for everyone, I was always on time, I allowed myself to be dumped on over and over. I was ready to leave my marriage 7 years into it, but couldn't because it wouldn't be fair to my children. How could I cause them unhappiness for me to be happy. After all they didn't ask to be born in this situation. 15 years later I still want out, but can't because I have been so sick. So the stress just escalates year after year and gets worse all the time. I am a believer that stress is a killer and is doing us in. So what do we do to escape it all?
    Love, Deb
  16. 2girls

    2girls New Member

    Type A - Door Mat!!!

    I used to pride myself on the fact that I only needed 4 to 5 hours of sleep before getting sick. I worked long hours until my eldest daughter was 5 at which time I became pregnant with my second. After my maternity leave my husband and I collectively agreed it would be best for me to stay home with the kids. This was my big chance to reduce stress and relax. I could'nt do it. I was on the go all day. When the baby slept, I went crazy cleaning, painting, remodeling, etc on top of entertaining my oldest. My house had to be immaculately clean at all times, so spilled milk was stressful. I had to be the best Mom with the best kids, living in the best home. On top of this, I never learned how to say no. Needless to say, people took advantage of this. My home was a drop in center for the neighborhood kids (babysitter really). I have always been very sympathetic toward lonely hearts, so my home also became a haven for adults. My inlaws were eating me out of house and home, and to top it all off, my Mom (best friend) got breast cancer. It all became overwelming and shortly after I started to get sick and am trying to get better ever since (April/01).
    Fast forward to March 02:
    My Mom is in remission (Yeah!)
    My kids friends are always welcome but I am no longer minding the neighborhood. Their friends parents reciprocate.
    My inlaws are still dear to me, although I had to lay down the law so to speak.
    Drop in neighbors (the ones who never know when to leave) no longer drop in!
    My house is not the Norman Rockwell picture of perfection any longer but - who cares!!!

    Who would have thought the road to wellness would begin with one word - NO?

  17. Tattoopixie

    Tattoopixie New Member

    Yes, that's me! I did not even take breaks or lunch at work some days! Then if I was in the middle of something & had to 'clock out' for the day, I would clock out & continue to work (for free) till I was done! I worked myself hard! Do you think they gave me a leave of absence to figure out my health issues? NOPE! After using my FMLA they promoted the girl I had trained for 6mos to my position (that I had had for 3yrs) & demoted me. They refused to give me a flexible schedule & were unwilling to accept any excuses for any more time off & terminated me! (& for a long time I blamed myself-not anymore!)
  18. teller7

    teller7 New Member

    I watched Dr Phil and I was thinking the same thing you were. I kept waiting for him to mention our diseases. And I was disappointed like you when he didn't. Man, I think that our problems should come out in the open more. Then maybe I won't be hearing from people when they ask me what the problems is "Oh you have that yuppy disease" I could smack them.
  19. Seagull

    Seagull New Member

    I never felt like I was under stress. I was healthy, living a very full and active life, before the car crash that left me with these DDs.

    I thrived on the career I loved (averaging about 60 hours a week), and the exercise regimen I adhered to every weekday (45 min aerobics before work, then a 4 mile walk during my one-hour lunch, then another 3 mile walk with hubby in evening (done in 40 minutes), with the day capped off with another bout of aerobics for 45 minutes before bed). We often ate at local restaurants which were within walking distance, so walked instead of driving.

    Every weekend, my family and I took off for 2 days up or down the coast (we lived in California at the time) and loved hiking up trails and along the beaches. Stern's Wharf was a favorite spot in Santa Barbara for us to rent the tandem bikes.

    My kids were at the age where they were able and willing to keep up with our active lifestyle -- they loved going with everywhere we went.

    I loved every minute of my former life and wish it had not ended like it did.
  20. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    I never realized how active of a life style I led until i was injured and this began. My work day started at 3:10 each morning. i waitressed in a cafe that is very busy and very well known. We are always on the news and governors, want to be presidents everyone in polotics visited us. I loved my job. I would take a 30 minute break all day if we weren't busy and I would work until 1:00 if we slowed down, if not 2:00-2:30 is when I got off work.i worked 5 to 6 days a week and when the other girls vacationed I worked 14 days in a row. I had two children in school and our youngest suffers with severe asthma, food allergies, and ezema. He was always sick and there were nights that I was going on one or two hours a night of sleep. I came home daily cleaned my home spotless,spick and span. Cooked big meals, did laundry, and made sure everything was organized and planned for the next day. Life to me was great. I never batted an eye about what I did or that it was too much on me. I never got sick but maybe once a year and hardly then with just a cold did I need to be seen by a Doctor. I never ever realized until now and where I am at today not even able to clean my house most days how much I did before my injuries. Do I wish I new then what I know now, yep. i worked with my injury to my back for nine days. I was in terrible pain but I figured if I could walk I could do it and those people I worked with and my family needed me and I couldn't stop. BUT, I had to stop when I couldn't walk anymore and to this day I am still suffering from it. But do i wish for my old life and the old me, you bet every single day I wish I could bounce my bottom out of that bed and go go go. It is tough stuff not to be who you always were.
    Just wanted you to know you weren't alone with feeling that way.